I have been recently widowed and am deeply depressed?

Question

I have been recently widowed and as I do not have any children too, I feel very lonely and depressed. I am 51 years old. My sisters are supportive but I still miss my husband. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

In situations like these, you need to seek professional help. But if you keep yourself busy, then you wont have to think about it, but getting help is the best way

Answer 2

You have my sincere sympathies on the loss of your husband. Consider joining a support group; I know that some people are not comfortable in these situations, but only someone who has been where you are can truly understand and empathize with what you are going through.

Continue to lean on your sisters for support. It's really great that you have supportive family members. You will probably always miss your husband, but try to fill your spare time with constructive activities. Consider volunteering somewhere; you will be doing a great service and honoring your husband's memory, while meeting some new people in the process. Pick a cause that you are passionate about and contact a local agency in your area that serves that cause. Helping others really helps depression too!

Pursue hobbies and other things that you've always wanted to do, but never had the chance. You just have to refocus all this energy that you are expending being sad. Your husband would want you to be happy, as I'm sure you would him if the tables were turned.

Answer 3

Sorry this is so long--but it is important...
Hi--- I was recently divorced. I am a guy. You need an out let for this type of fustraton. Your not depressed your unhappy and pissed off because this happened to you... More mad than anything else. If your sisters are supportive, why haven't they taken you out to a noisey morotcycle bar and got stupid drunk with you. I know why--there married. Hubby would not be happy. Your on your own lover---Yes lover. Fifty one is an excellent age to be single.. I was 59 and single...My girl is 62 and single... We both have mororcycles and ride--charity runs-- lunch runs-- club rides and activities.. You do not have to have a bike.--- you can ride on the back... We attend church every sunday-- at nite-- not so formal... Church has a dinner as outreach and we have a christian band-- are they good. I know that you may have gotten some insurance money--- cash the check and leave it in the bank... Too many people with big ideas on how to make you money.. I don't care who recommended them do not listen. Keep the cash in the bank-- yes at 4% interest. Better than none after you sign a power of attorney a financial hot shot to spend your money...YES--Spend... I have 2 widowed ladies that I know and they are cash broke because of the investor spending all their money on Brokerage Fees. When you see him in a $1000 suit and $400 pair of gucci shoes and a nice office and oak desk. Then he tells you that he just bought a new Mersedes for the wife.. Crreates a very money man impression. Now ask your self where the money came from --- Investors and Brokerage Fees...just like you... Leave the cash in the bank... Two maybe three years until you educate your self how to make investment decisions...
You must never loan or give your money away--not to anyone..Let them beg and plead and say NO. Let them work just like you and your husband. No one borrows money--they will never pay it back. Do not rent rooms in your house--not to no one... They will ruin your home... Don't tell anyone that your a widow -- get sheepish tear eyed look--... Your divorced and ya got rid of the jackass hole...

Answer 4

I miss my Husband, too, he has been gone for three years, now. I hear time does hear all wounds, and in time. you will find someone else, not really sure I want anyone else. I know how you feel we are the same age, so I can relate.

I am not as depressed as I once was, I am on an anti depressant, I did take his death pretty hard, and I still can not help thinking about him, but I know he is gone. There is nothing that I can do about it, but move on with my life, and that is what I am trying to do. You will were recently widowed, and it does take time. You will be fine, you do have the love and support of your family.

Answer 5

I am recently widowed too. It is very painful and I miss my husband very much. Though there are family members who are supportive, it doesn't take the place of that relationship we had with our husbands. You are grieving. This will go on for quite a while. You might want to consider joining a group with other people who are widowed, or a group of people who are dealing with a loss of someone important to them, not necessarily a spouse. It does help to get support from others who understand. It also helps to see how some people are taking care of themselves. It's okay to cry. I don't know how to avoid it when it is just there. Give yourself a break. Don't expect a lot of yourself during this time.

Answer 6

It is ok to feel low. It takes at least a year to even start to feel again. It is normal. So much goes through your mind, you are so use to your life as it was. You now have to pick up the pieces and begin a new life. This does not happen instantly. There are days you will cry, days you will wonder why, days you will sit and rock, days you will cry some more. People will ask you out to social events. You won't want to go. They will encourage you, you will eventually give in an go and then wonder what you are doing there. You need to be easy on yourself and not expect too much too fast. There is a book our funeral home had. It is sort of a Memory book. It asks you questions and you answer regarding your loved one. When I started it, it really helped and I was better before I got through the whole book. My husband had cancer and really suffered, my only son was killed in a car wreck at 27, eleven months before my husband died, eight months prior to my sons death, my dad died. I am an only child, and my mom had been dead ten years so I can relate to feeling very lonely. I did get beyond it. It takes time. If you are a christian or not go to church and get in a support group. It can help too. Like I said be easy with yourself and don't expect this to go away soon. It won't, but it is normal what you are experiencing. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Hang in there. I was 52 when mine passed.

Answer 7

Hi,
I'm sorry for your terrible loss. It's good that you have sisters to support you. Obviously, they cannot be with you all the time. Nor can they or anyone else understand exactly how you feel. I'd like to make two suggestions, that I know will help you get through this difficult time.

First, remember that Someone created you. The Lord God knew you even before you were even born. He designed everything about you and your personality. Not only that, He loves you. He gave His Son Jesus Christ to die for your (and my) sins so that nothing could seperate you from Him. For God so Loved thd world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16. Read it for yourself in your Bible.

If you do not already do this, start attending church. you will be encouraged AND you will meet new people (especially if you attend their small group meetings). You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

My second suggestion is that you look for people who have a need that you can meet. Volunteer your time. You may not feel very capable right now, but focusing on another's problem will help keep your mind productively occupied and leave less time for being depressed.

I hope you find some nugget of hope in these words. And I pray that God will bless you with His peace.

Answer 8

Yes I understand the moments that you are going through. However ones need to understand what is life all about. LIFE is a cycle, you are born, you live, you got sick, you grow old and you die. thats life.
Since we all know that it will end in this manner, there isn't anything to worry about. Your husband has departed early, and you are left alone in this world. This "alone" is all in your mind ONLY. Take a look around you, there are so many people still living and most probably care for you still.

What you need to do is to bring your thoughts to a different level in life. You need to let go your burden, That burden is the thought of your husband.
Remember to think positive thoughts and move on in life. Don't let the shadow of your husband be a burden for you life. You should turn it to become a source for your life and the pluck out the will to live on and enjoy what ever this world offers...

take care.

Answer 9

I am very sorry for your loss.

In times like these I think the most important thing is not to clam up on people.

If you have a job then maybe join an organization of people who do things you like or like a charity or become active in church.

I have never known a pain like the one you are sure to be feeling but I think it is really important that you get out and get active in the community.

I am sure your husband would not have wanted you to be too sad.

If it really gets to be too much and you want to hurt yourself or anything please see a professional. It is not shame full or anything at all, and it is surprising how much good someone who just listens but does not judge is.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry you've lost your husband, and at such a young age. I can't imagine what you're going through personally but I have had several friends go through this in the past years. Here are some things that will help you cope:

Rely on friends: Do not hesitate to let others help if they offer to do so and you can really use some assistance. Understand that it may be their way of showing you how they feel; perhaps they cannot find the right words.

Take care of your health: Grieving can wear you out, especially in the beginning. Your body needs sufficient rest, healthful exercise, and proper nourishment more than ever. A periodic checkup by your family doctor might be in order.

Postpone major decisions: If possible, wait for at least some time until you are thinking more clearly before you decide such things as whether to sell your house or to change your job.

Be patient with yourself: Grief often lasts longer than people in general realize. Yearly reminders of the lost loved one may renew the pangs. Special pictures, songs, or even smells can trigger the tears. One scientific study of bereavement explained the grief process as follows: “The bereaved may swing dramatically and swiftly from one feeling state to another, and avoidance of reminders of the deceased may alternate with deliberate cultivation of memories for some period of time.”

Make allowances for others: Try to be patient with others. Realize that it is awkward for them. Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing.

Beware of using medication or alcohol to cope with your grief: Any relief offered by drugs or alcohol is temporary at best. Medication should be taken only under a doctor’s supervision. But be careful; many substances are addictive. In addition, these may delay the grieving process. A pathologist warns: “The tragedy has to be endured, suffered and eventually rationalised and to retard this unduly by knocking out the [person] with drugs may prolong or distort the process.”

Get back into a regular routine: You may have to push yourself at first to go to work, to go shopping, or to take care of other responsibilities. But you may find that the structure of your normal routine will do you a lot of good. Keep busy.

Do not be afraid to let go of acute grief: Strange as it may seem, some bereaved ones are afraid to let go of the intense grief, believing that it may indicate their love for the deceased one is diminishing. That simply is not the case. Letting go of the pain makes way for treasured memories that will no doubt always remain with you.

Do not be unduly anxious: You may find yourself worrying, ‘What will become of me now?’ Living more on a day-to-day basis can really help.

Also it is a good idea to do things for others, if you have an elderly neighbor, relative, etc. that could use some help or visits make yourself get out and do something for others. This often makes you feel much better, and will keep you busy. If you don't have any relative or neighbor that needs help you can consider going to a local nursing home. Many residents don't have anyone that cares or comes to visit. You could pick one or two persons there to visit weekly.

I hope any/all of the above might help you. But you should realize that it will take some time to start to feel "normal" again. The old saying "time heals all wounds" is appropriate, it does take time. This wound will never fully heal, but it does get easier with time.

Answer 11

I'm very very sorry for your loss. You will probably continue to feel this way for some time...which is completely normal. After the grieving process, try to get involved with family members, friends, neighbors etc. Try new hobbies, keep you mind away from sorrow and depression as much as possible, for these two things will affect your health in the long run. My thoughts are with you....