Time to break up?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. It is a long-distance relationship. He lived in Georgia when we first started dating and moved to where I live for about a month and then moved to Tennessee. I really care about him. I have never connected to anyone in this way before and I don't think anyone has ever cared about me this much.
The only problem is that lately all of his problems are bringing me down. Way down. It's money issue after money issue, and we don't even live together. He failed out of school, got his car repo'd (thanks to his mom) and is now living with his sister. He wants to go back to school, but he's so desperate me that he's going to just do a 16 month program so he can move to be with me.
I'm not ready for us to live together yet. I'm 17 years old! It's not time. It's not time for me to be settling down.
And day after day I see more and more flaws in his character and he seems to become more needy the more he realizes that I'm backing away.

He is my best friend in the world and I love him. His family loves me and I like all of them.... it would be a devastating break-up. We would both be hurt.
But to tell you the truth, I really think it's because I feel like I'm settling down too fast and maybe there's someone else out there.
My boyfriend and I have seen each other a few times since we've been in this relationship ... and we had fun. It was sad to see him go... but at the same time, I was anxious for it. He's just so clingy. Help me please?

It's not just about the money... it's about character. He puts himself in one bad situation after another. I dunno... I just really don't want to hurt him. I still love him. I'm just getting freaked.

Answer 1

HM,

I gotta say I tend to agree with the "It's Over" crowd - but maybe for a different reason.

I know they say love cures all ... but ... it just ain't true. When you're young it seems to be all that matters but as you grow older two people need to have other connections than that. There are two intertwined issues here I think, values and balance

Couples need to be able to develop a shared view of life - you don't necessarily agree all the time but the underlying values should be common.

I don't want to disrespect your bf but ... from what you say it seems to me your values are diverging. Trouble doesn't repeatedly happen to people - they allow it to happen - it's a values issue.

It's not just that you come from different sides of the track (though that is probably true) but that he seems to be headed for trouble while, I expect, you are headed for college and a profession or a good job.

In relation to balance in a couple, I have seen professionals married to labourers where the relationship was a long-standing one and to all intents and purposes a happy one.

But there was no way they were intellectual equals. They loved each other but both were aware of the gap between them and, if truthful, I expect that both would have made different choices if they had the chance again.

On these two bases I suggest that you do what you already know you should do and let him go.

Sorry
Hope this helps
Joe

Answer 2

If you are feeling this way, there is a reason why. You are absolutely right. You are way too young to be settling down; way too young to be moving in with a boyfriend. Besides, more than likely you will be fittin' the bill for everything and that will get old quickly. If you are hesitant now, think how you will feel if that takes place. Listen to your heart. You have your whole life to live. No reason to try to get serious at this point. Relationships begin and they end. It's a part of life and will happen as you get older.

Answer 3

Hello,
I think after reading your problem you already know what you need to do, its just following through with that decision that's the difficult part. You are 17, you are going to meet many more amazing people in your life. He too will meet others. It is always hard to end a relationship, but time does indeed heal most wounds. Maybe it would be better for him in the long run to realize that he needs to do more for himself.

No one can really tell you if its time to end your relationship, you just sorta know. Going through with it tends to be the real hard part. Like I said I think you already know what you need to do.

Answer 4

I'd take a break from him. it seems a bit harsh to break up with some one just because they seem needy. it's seems like you're tired of hearing about his problems and feeling abit suffocated and you should tell him you're not ready to live together. moving in together would just make things worse. but if you still feel the same in a week or month then it's definatly time to break up
good luck

Answer 5

you should tell him youre not ready, and if he doesnt seem to take that into consideration then you should break up with him. he has to understand that just because hes going through some problems that doesnt mean he has to get you involved. at the same time, i think you should leave breaking up as your last option. try to work things out first, if you feel like theres no other way for him to understand that youre not ready to move in with him now, then i guess hes gonna have to understand that hes gonna lose you.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Don't let money issue and other stuff go into your realtionship. Love is love and don't break up with your boy friend because of these stuff. If you really love him, you should help each other and solve your problem. Don't forget that his problem is your problem too.

Answer 8

if you love him you wont care about flaws because no one is perfect and people fall into bad luck but love can help it get somewhat better. just let him its not settling down. You have to get married to settle down..

Answer 9

well my dad is joe so i tihnk he got here before me but i think your relationship is great he sounds like he really cares about you so if u ask me i say stay with him =) .

Answer 10

GIRL forget about it do what u think is right for u and him and remember it all unto u