My elderly dad is incontinent and has ruined just about everything in the house. My mom wants me to visit?

Question

I can't bring myself to. I am an only child and am stuck between the love I feel for each parent. Also, I am disabled so I am limited with what I can do. They have help come in but its me Mom wants there. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Mousie 101, you need to be more open minded and remember that this man was responsible for raising you. He may have an odor due to bing incontinent but don't laugh or mock to loudly as Karma may come back and get you when you also start aging with this affliction. He's your dad and it certainly would not hurt you to go and visit with him and your mom.

Answer 2

First off, I'd gently tell her the truth as to why you don't want to go over there and help out. She should understand your limitations (?) I'd strongly suggest he use protective under garments. Incontinent ones will usually fight that suggestion, but you need to explain as to why it is important. It sounds like they are getting up in years. Not visiting them will hurt you the most in the long run. Regardless as to why you don't want to go, they both need you. Just plug your nose or take an extra dose of bravery and go visit.

Answer 3

it is called "doing the right thing" and that is what you do when your parents want to see you. they did not ask you to move in and wipe them. they asked you for a visit. you call your mom and tell her you would be delighted to see them, and from now on will see them regularily, and load your car with food and presents and flowers and magazines that they would like, drive over there and give them everything and visit with them, listen to them, play checkers with them, laugh with them, take out the old family photo albums and ask them to tell you stories about every picture. take them both outside and walk around the block, take them in your car and drive them around, i bet they dont get out much. if the smell bothers you open up all the windows and spend a day or two washing and scrubbing everything for your parents. and now i am going to say something about your statement" i cant bring myself to". when your diaper was smelly and dirty when you were a baby no one said they could "not bring themselves to" change it. you asked for ideas, my idea is to stop being selfish and self centered. your reluctance to visit ( i did not say live with or take care of) and give love and comfort to your parents does not say very nice things about you, and karma is for people like you. believe it. there is such a thing as karma. go visit your parents and you will be doing yourself a favor too. if you dont, i have to tell you that you and the tone of your question says very unflattering things about YOU, and i would be lots more blunt but" i cant bring myself to" say what i really think of you.