my best friend is the best in the world, he would move a mountain for me, why am i so selfish to him?

Question

how can i be the friend he deseves.
how can i stop taking him for granted

Answer 1

Sometimes we push people away because we don't feel we are worthy of them It is a self-esteem issue. You need to convince yourself that you deserve to have him around, and treat him accordingly.
It's also possible that you are sub-consciously trying to push the boundaries of your friendship to see just how much you can get away with. This is a form of manipulation that is also a sign of low self esteem.
Try this...imagine that he is dead, and you no longer have the ability to apologize to him for what you have done. Now live your life so that you don't have to apologize...

Answer 2

When I was in college, I had a friend like yours. It was almost easy to be selfish around him because he was sooo kind and helpful all the time. He was always there, and always willing to help or be supportive or anything I needed.

I think I was a good friend to him most of the time. But I was young and a little immature (being on my own for the first time) and I am ashamed to admit I used him sometimes.

Now, I firmly believe that we teach people how to treat us. I treated him with less respect than he deserved, and he let me. It was just like any other friendship- a kind of strange dance. I was selfish enough not to see my embarrasing behavior, but for whatever reason, he was willing to take it and keep coming back for more.

I am delighted to tell you that I grew up, as we all do. He is still (20 years later) my best friend. Only now, I treat him with the love and respect that he is worth. He has also matured, and I know that if I were to do something selfish, he would call me on it. He will not allow himself to be treated like that again.

You are off to a good start- discuss it with him. Tell him that you feel like being a better friend, and start paying attention to his needs. Is he stressed out at work? Take him out to coffee and ask him about his day. Don't talk about yours- just his. He will probably be surprised at the attention at first. But by spending time on his life and interests, your friendship will deepen and get stronger.

Good luck!

Answer 3

A good lesson in life is never to take anything for granted. There are a lot of people who would give anything to have as good a friend as you say you do. Some self-professed "friends" don't even help you out when you're in trouble. And you say this guy will move a mountain for you.

I'm not going to insult you myself, but I can understand why you've gotten the kinds of responses you have.

Answer 4

You've made the first step - seeing the problem.

Easiest way to be a friend more like him -- make yourself stop and think what he would do in the same situation - then follow the advice!

Its always easiest to take for granted the ones that are always around - even though they're the very ones that you shouldn't take for granted.

Good luck !

Answer 5

Only you can really answer that question. Like someone else said, you know what you're doing to him on a regular basis, now do the opposite. Or, if need be, leave him alone and let him find a friend that won't take him for granted. Good people are really hard to find in this world; don't spit on the blessing of a good friendship.

Answer 6

~Try thinking about what it would be like if he wasn't your friend.
Does he have a problem with it?
Friendships are made up of give & take in a way.
There are people that are natural takers & people that are natural givers. Each one needs the other (one is not worse to be) & you satisfy an unconcious need he has.
Just make sure he doesn't feel you are taking him for granted. Make sure he knows you appreciate him & do something good for him. You don't have to all the time as he does for you, but here & there so you don't take too much & he gets sick of it.

Answer 7

Look up the word narcissistic make sure you don't see a picture of you next to it, then look up benevolent. Stop doing the first thing and work on becoming the second. You have to practice saying thank you, and every once in a while you have to say how much you appreciate the person. You can write short notes and leave them where he will see it. Go out of your way to pay close attention to the things he likes and give him a gift, don't expect a reaction, just feel good that you did something for someone else. Your life will improve when you do.

Answer 8

Well, the first step you've already got pat down - recognizing him for the friend he is and recognizing yourself for the friend you aren't.

It's in a person's nature to kind of be selfish because there are a lot of friends who you really can't trust. Once you have confirmed that this person is a really loyal friend who is not trying to cheat you out of anything, just consider it as you not giving to them, but as you two exchanging. Like maybe they'll give you their time, doesn't mean you have to buy them a present or anything, repay them by spending time with them too.

I know what you feel though - I have some really great friends but I'm always hesitant to invite them over and stuff (I invited two of my besties once but then I cancelled it because I didn't want to take them out and all this stuff, complicated) just because i'm not sure that I can really trust them.

So yeah basically all you need to do is TRUST your friend if you really thing he's that great.

Just spend time with him, be there for him, a REAL friend won't ask for your money. Just remember that.

Answer 9

Just try and take an interest in him. Next time the two of you are hanging out, when he asks you what you want to do, tell him to decide. If he really wants you to decide, pick something you know he likes, even if you don't really like it, if it makes him happy it's worth it, right?
Make sure you don't send him mixed signal's though, just incase he likes you as more than a friend.
Always thank him and appreciate that he's there for you, never take a friend for granted!
Good luck :)
Hope I helped.

Answer 10

You have to figure out why you're being so selfish. Are you selfish with everybody, or just him? Are you perhaps testing how good a friend he is, seeing how much he'll put up with? Does it feed your ego to know that you have a friend who'd do anything for you even though you're not a good friend in return?

You've got to figure out why, then we can start working on how you fix it.

Congratulations on recognising the problem and being motivated to remedy it. Good friends are to be cherished, and I hope you can amend your ways and not lose this friend.