should I let him see his daughter?

Question

I`ve never agreed with children not seeing their dads but now I find I am one of those people in the situation where I know my daughter is going to get hurt.. her dad and I split before I found out I was pregnant as I had enough of the mental and phicical abuse. He is a well known drug taker and many people have said he sells them again as he stopped when I met him. She was born 10wks early and he said he was too tired to see her as he`d been out down the pub the night before, even though she was in a bad way. He harrasses me, phones my family at all hours and when I have given him the chance to see her many times her he hasn`t turned up so i have given up with it but now I am made to be the ***** by his family. Pls help on this one.

Answer 1

It's important for a daughter to establish some kind of a relationship with her father. However, he has many bad vices that could destroy whatever connection he wants with her. Depending on how old your daughter is, I suggest supervised visits with you, so that she remains safe, and he doesn't practice any of his bad habits in front of her. When she gets older, she'll most likely thank you for giving her this opportunity.

Answer 2

Does he have a record? Any warrants? He sounds like a bad egg. Does he pay child support? Personally, I wouldn't want my children around ANYONE using drugs. Could you imagine how you would feel if something happened to your child under his care? You would never forgive yoursef! This is what I would do...contact a legal source. If you cannot afford an attorney, every city has a free legal center where you can get advice. Find out your rights under this situation. Do whatever you need to keep that child away from him. Also, keep yourself clean. Because if things get messy between the two of you, you want a clean record yourself. Don't get into any trouble that would compromise your custody with your children. But most importantly, seek legal advise, and protect yourself.

Answer 3

Even the court will not rule that a man can see his child if she/he is likely to come to harm- being a wife abuser and drug abuser is good enough reason. I am all for children getting to know their parents when they are apart but i think there are some circumstances which are exceptional and in your case i would most definately think twice about letting a man like that near a child of mine. A parent should be a good role model to a child- he is hardly that! Get a solicitor and get an injuction against him to keep him from contacting you. Tell him when he grows and becomes a decent and responsible human being you will reconsider.

Answer 4

If you are not married, your partner has not rights to access - for this, he would have to apply to a court. It certainly doesn't seem that he would have enough energy to do this! However, it he does, you can advise the courts he is a known drug user and you will worry for your daughter's safety.

Ordinarly, I would say that the child should see his father but to be honest, I wouldn't let my kids (if I had any!) go anywhere near a known drug user.
Good luck, keep strong. If necessary move away from the area so you can start a new life with your daughter.

Answer 5

Under normal circumstances I get really annoyed when a woman says shall she "let" her ex see his child or children, like they are her property and their feelings don't matter. Many women use the kids in some kind of power trip over the man and it's disgusting.

Your case, however, is completely different. Your ex has used physical and mental abuse against you and is therefore a complete waste of space. Men who hit women are useless and worthless.

A mans first duty to the woman he loves (or is supposed to) is to protect her. If he can't protect her against his own anger what use is he? Added to that he is involved with drugs and he has shown zero concern for the childs welfare in the past.

I would fight tooth and nail to shield your daughter from this excuse for a man. You deserve to live in safety and so does your daughter.

Answer 6

Only allow him to come over to your house to see the child and don't mention anything to your child about him coming. Almost like if he shows he shows and he doesn't, he doesn't. Don't put too much stock in it, your child will figure it out when she gets older, but it's bad if you are sabotaging the relationship.

My daughter's father was missing while she was younger because his job required him to travel, then when he came home he wanted to do his own thing. I always left the door open for him to see her when ever he wanted, and now my daughter knows what the deal is. She has made comments on him being unreliable, and showing up. So don't make yourself the bad guy, give him enough rope and let him do it his self.

Answer 7

get rid of him and dont let him see the child i know myself that this is a hard one as i was in the same predicament. I was with my boyfriend for a few months and accidentally got pregnant he turned around and said that it cant be his i was gutted. from that day i cut all my ties and never looked back. as now he has broken up a family as he had a fling witth a married woman and he uses drugs heavily so cut your losses if any and look forward to the future sometimes children are better off with ine good parent then 2 parents who are going to be at loggerheads. best of luck in whatever you decide to do. xx

Answer 8

You don't have to let this loser see your daughter, say no, if he wants to see her he will have to go to court, he may if he is lucky get supervised contact in a contact center but being a drug user/seller, he will have to undergo tests to prove that he is abstaining from drugs, and if he fails to attend for contact sessions then they will be stopped. Is his name on the birth certificate, if not he will have to prove that he is your daughter's father, by taking a DNA test.

Stick to your guns, your daughter doesn't need to be around this low life, let him take you to court for contact, as long as you are a good mother and not a drug/alcohol user you should have no problems. Do what is right for your daughter, keep her away from this loser.

Answer 9

I say, wait for him to get his act fully together before trying to let him come into his daughters life, I say that because if he has a history of being flakey, you dont want as time goes by and your child grows up for her to witness the leaving for a while, then returning then leaving... etc. Screw what his family says, If they cant understand the simple reason why you wouldnt let him then they arent good parents if they would let this happen to them. that man needs to make some solid commitment that he will be his daughters full father, not just when he feels like it.

Answer 10

I think if he is like that and he wants to see your daughter and he went to court they would maybe allow him contact at a contact centre so that it was supervised and you wouldn't have to be there. Only you can make your mind up if you trust him enough with your daughter i am also going though the same problems as you are with an ex.

Answer 11

See an attorney ASAP and have legal papers drawn up. If he is a well know druggie you might be able to have it set up so that he has to pass random drug tests to see his daughter and I'd certainly fix it so that all of his visits will be supervised. Make sure you get child support included. If he's like I suspect it won't be long before he's out of your live and that of your little girl.
Good Luck. BTW........ don't give a rip what his family thinks.