Feel guilty for not playing with toddler enough?

Question

My daughter is 15 months old and up until this point we played together everyday, all day long (I'm a stay at home Mom). Lately though, she's become very independent and does not want me to play with her, she'll even move her toys away from me and then play by herself. I understand that this is her learning her independence, but I feel guilty because we really don't play together at all anymore or even read together. If I try to sit down with her in my lap and read a book, she will wiggle away, take the book, and sit and read it herself. If I try to sit her back down with me she throws a complete fit. I feel guilty about this and then when she's playing by herself I'll try to find something to do like read or watch some TV and then I feel even worse about it! Don't get me wrong, she is not unsocial, she is just very independent. What are some activities we can do together where I won't "crowd" her so much and she can feel independent, but I can still be involved?

Answer 1

This is okay. She's wanting a little more control over her environment, and as you have figured out, she is learning independence--it really is a good thing.
Since you say she is rejecting your offers to play, you might invite her to help you do some more "grown-up" activities, sweeping the floor with her own little broom while you sweep, dry dusting the coffee table when you dust things higher up, folding wash cloths while you fold towels.
While you are working, you could be singing songs together, or listening to children's music.
If helping you doesn't appeal to her, you might offer more active, and challenging play activities: dancing to music (great for balance and muscle development,) climbing on play equipment, tumbling, and so on. It's still a little early for sports, but perhaps you could spend time together in a pool.
Praise her for her ability to play well by herself, and like other respondents have suggested, let her know that you are available and welcome playing with her again.
She'll come back to you when she is ready. (Things will get easier when she gets more verbal and can tell you what she is thinking.)
Sounds like you are going a good job. Isn't it a mom's job to raise healthy, independent people?

Answer 2

This is NOT something you should feel guilty for! Please know that the feelings you are having are completely normal! I wonder if you are also feeling some sadness about not being as close with your daughter all the time...

Maybe introducing something that might be challenging for her, like something that is a little advanced so you can help her without crowding her. Try getting a trike and helping her learn to pedal, cooking something simple (fruit salad, toast), maybe painting next to each other, or even joining a play group. I see this all the time in the children that I work with, and it is much more difficult for parents than children, which I'm sure you already know! I hope this helps a little!

Answer 3

Ouch...I know that must hurt your feelings. Don't feel guilty, as she is the one who is initiating the Independence. It would be different if you weren't playing with her enough, and she really wanted it. I know she is a little young, but what about coloring? You have a book, and she has a book? Or crafts that you can do at the same time, but not really "together". Maybe she will be more open to that? Instead of feeling so badly, relish the time that you have to just sit and watch her. They grow so fast, and before you know it, she'll be all grown up! Also, don't feel bad about enjoying a little TV time--you haven't been able to do that in awhile, I bet!

Answer 4

Try not to force her. The more you try to make her the more idependent she will want to be. Try instead maybe everyday set aside a mommy and me time where you guys do something together or play with something she can only play with when shes together with you during the hour or so. (like a special set of books or a hopscotch game.. like 18 month neighbor really got a kick out of it.. she didn't play but like walking/crawling doing her own thing on it) maybe just sit and read a story aloud while she plays on the floor and see if she looks up.

eventually she will grow back to you.. just in the mean while enjoy the free time!

Answer 5

My son is 15 months old and acting the same way. Here's what I do... Before I put him down for a nap we read a book and cuddle. He knows what time it is so he sits there and listens while I read. This way you get the cuddle time with your daughter, I know you miss that. Sit down with her and watch a show like the Baby Einstien series. This gives you a chance to sit with her and teach her things by pointing out what's on the screen. Or, Curious George (my son loves this show) Ya know, something like that. In the morning, after breakfast, I put on some music (whatever you like, my son likes 80's and rock haha!) And we dance together for about 30 minutes. We do this everyday and he looks forward to it. Dance with her for a little bit and then put her down and let her dance by herself. Not only does it stimulate their minds, but you get exercise-Something all SAHM's can use! In the afternoon, we have 1 hour of 'learning center'. Where we do flashcards, numbers, colors, and abc's. Being a sahm you should take the oppertunity to teach your child everything you can. She might fight you at first, but like every routine change it takes a couple of weeks for them to get used to it. And believe me, it pays off. My son already knows most of his abc's and numbers! Take her to te park if you have one nearby, parks are great to bond with your kiddo, especially now because she can't do everything on her own yet. (swing, slide, etc) Other than that, if she wants to play by herself then let her. Just sit near her and talk to her, ask her what she is doing, point out what things are, etc.. She'll get the idea that you are interested in what she's doing and eventually she'll come play with you! Right now, it's all about learning.
Worked for me! Good luck!

Answer 6

This is a very rough stage to go through, but she needs her space. Let her know that you love her and want to spend time with her, but back away when she wants her own space. You could try coloring at the same table, eat your meals together, there is still bath time, etc. Just give her the space she needs. Maybe see if she wants a friend over... maybe she needs someone her age to learn her independence with.

Answer 7

carry in there mama! it gets greater useful, as different persons have pronounced it incredibly is a tricky time for you and your son. he's unable to talk with language so has to apply different potential, he's likewise too youthful to have any actual experience of time so isn't able to attend or understand that what he needs won't ensue on the instant. I even have 3 youngsters elderly 11, 8 and 5 so I even have been by way of this point thrice. i could propose which you attempt and have some rigidity relievers worked into your day. *consistently leave the abode on a daily basis - in spite of if it incredibly is snowing take a walk around the block. a transformation of scene consistently helps. * attempt and get some form of workout, push your son interior the stroller or choose for a swim as quickly as a week while your husband is abode. *connect mom and infant communities, analyzing hours on the library for mothers and little toddlers, church communities or the different team the place your son is welcome. make certain you're seeing advert speaking with different adults throughout the time of the day. * additionally in case you like it it incredibly is completely okay to fasten your self on your room and scream in case you ought to! Or run a bath and scream in there! yet another advice is to instruct your son some consumer-friendly infant/newborn sign language the place you utilize hand gestures for words alongside with: "substitute" - so he can inform you if he needs to alter his diaper, "help" - while he desires your help to do something, 'apple" or different renowned nutrition etc. this could decrease down on your son's frustration. in case you have a foul day or a screaming newborn I consistently found "including water" helped. positioned your babe right into a effective heat tub and which will in many circumstances sooth him and alter his temper. I positioned my little ones into the tub merely approximately every time of the day if necessary! It distracts them, they could play and you may study a e book in there or have a cup of espresso. it incredibly is a fail risk-free while mom and infant are dropping it! merely remember "This too shall pass" this time passes and quickly you would be having complete blown conversations at the same time!

Answer 8

Try your best not to feel guilty. You're not doing anything wrong, she's the one initiating the distance.

For a while, my kids did not like to have me read to them. They would love it, though, if I let them "read me a story." It was a great insight into their minds, actually, because I was able to see exactly what they were thinking. With my older son, "Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See" was memorized by the time I read it to him three times, so when he would sit and read it, he'd look at the pictures and be able to recite the entire book. My little one is a little more like me, more willing to take flights of fancy, so he'd open up the same book and would tell this story about a bear going through the jungle and he saw........... whatever he learned on Diego that day. Both of them, though, really liked the idea of reverse role-play, where they read Momma a story, instead of the other way around. And it was entertaining and insightful for me, too. And it got us doing the same thing, promoting their independance and at the same time giving us something to do together. The important thing, though, is to be willing to sacrifice the words and the story for the time.

Also, my youngest has a real talent for picking out detail, so at one point or another, all of his books have turned into "I Spy" books, where I'll ask him "Can you find a ........", and he goes hunting for it in the book. When he was little, it was in the pictures. Once he learned his letters, I'd ask if he can find a "P" or suggest that he point out all the "T"s on one page. Now, we suggest he point out sight words (the little words you learn as a word, without spelling them out) like "is" or "and".

Another good tactic that age is to manipulate her into joining you at something. Sit on her floor, and don't so much as look at her to let her know you want to play with her. Just pick up a toy and have a REALLY fun time playing with it. She'll likely play with you.

If this doesn't work, because she just takes your toy, DO something she thinks would be fun. Dancing is good. Turn on some music and risk looking like an idiot, bebopping along all by yourself. Make it look fun enough, and she'll probably join you.

Physical activities, completely devoid of props, will probably work better than sedate activities or playing with toys that can be taken away. At one point, she liked to cuddle, and she probably will again at some point (my kids got back into cuddling around the time they turned three). For now, she's a busy, learning toddler with next to no attention span. Tickling, singing, dancing, making faces, etc. are probably going to get her interested a lot more than being forced to sit with you. If or when you sing a song together, using one with hand movement not only keeps her occupied better, it promotes good fine and gross motor skills.

Generally speaking, my nephew is a non-hugger. He does not like to cuddle, he does not like giving or receiving hugs, and he does not like quiet activities. Most people in my family push him to do these things, and he does not like them much. I only ever asked for him to "gimme five", instead of a hug and kiss, and through a combination of perserverance, patience and understanding, I'm the favorite aunt now, and I really think it was because I let him take the lead. Your daughter may respond in the same way. If you try to force her to do the things you're wanting to, like play with toys or read books, she'll grow to dislike the pressure, and may grow to dislike the activity in general. If you let it happen on her own terms, she'll probably come around.

Remember, too, that kids that age are capable of parallel play, but they don't get too much into interactive play (playing "with", not "near", others) until they're around three years old. Since you're trying to figure out ways to play *with* her, keep in mind that it could be caused by the normal social development of a toddler that age. You can't expect too much interactive play right now. If she lets you in the general vicinity, consider that a step forward.

Answer 9

My sister was really independant my mom videotaped! tape her reading and playing. We love watching the movies now. Then u get to be a part of it without actually getting up in her face being a part of it. (Plus the movies look soooo cute later!)

Answer 10

Dont feel guilty, you are not neglecting her in any way. its something she needs, which is more space.
she will not hold that against you.
try to do an activity, like making cookies.