I have a female cousin (33 yrs old) visiting from Italy with her dad who is 71 yrs old. Her mom died years ago and now she is the primary caretaker for her dad who has several medical issues. She does EVERYTHING for him. As a result she has no time for herself. She only works and takes care of him.
She looks sad all the time. Her eyes are blank and without much expression. She has low self esteem as evidenced by her comments about herself like, "I'm fat and ugly, I will never get married, nobody wants me."
She confided that she's been depressed for many years and once attempted suicide. She's only in the states for 2 weeks. What can we, as her cousins, do for her? Should we try to convince her that although its honorable she's taking care of her dad that she should also take care of herself? What can we do? What options does she have?
2007-08-15 08:39:58 · 7 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have been there and we had no choice,but to place him in a Rest Home. He has Alzheimer's and would wander out at night without us knowing he was gone. He is very strong and it is difficult when he fights you thinking he is being attacked. It got to be too much for anyone to handle. This takes a toll on everyone in the family.
You always have that feeling of guilt if you have to place them in a place away from home. People are so judgmental if you do.
However, he is safer there. He gets around the clock healthcare and it is a nice place and very clean and decorated.
She will either have to get help to come in and relieve her allowing her to rest and get out and date or socialize.
I suggest if she is not in a church that she do so so she can meet others her age and maybe somebody there too has a heart to guide her to the right place for help.
She will eventually be of no use to her dad or herself. He would not want that. He could live for several more years in his condition as well. She doesn't have the stamina for that.
She can seek out someone that is willing to live there rent free with them as she goes to work and goes out. Of course she might need a bigger place with an extra room.
It is hard to say what facilities is offered in Italy for this situation. My heart goes out to them both..it is not easy.
The problem not is ..she probably is to exhausted at this point and needs family to step in with her approval to help her achieve this goal.
Take her out for a makeover while she's here and help her sit down with paper and pen in hand and all put their heads together as well as financially willing to help her till she can get back on her feet.
2007-08-15 08:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by Stormchaser 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off as much as I would love to tell this girl to let go and be on her own-this is her father she is caring for, and while the "love of our lives" could come along this is her father she is caring for and he probably wont be with her much longer -if she did want to let go she could have hired outside help to do the work she is doing but to me it sounds like she wants to spend every moment with her father before he passes.
There are some ways you all can help while she is in the states is by offering to take care of him while she goes out with her cousins and show her how to have a good time, she can get a make-over, shop & eat the great food of the US. Just show her how to have a good time and try to help her boost her self esteem.
2007-08-15 08:48:27 · answer #2 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs counselling and alot of love and support from the family.Why dont you share in the care of her dad?There are many options..how about a support group?
I think it's very loving that she is taking care of her ailing dad.You know we only have one mom and one dad.When they leave this earth...they cant come back so love them while they are here and if that means taking care of them 24/7..then thats what you do.Unless she wants to take her dad to a nursing home or pay for outside help to come in and give her a break.
2007-08-15 08:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you and your cousins should get a nurse to be with her dad most of the day. That way she can go out and meet some friends. You guys can also try to get her into a group for depressed people
i really hope this helps
2007-08-15 08:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you guys should keep in touch with her and let her know that she's a wonderful person and that she should take care of herself also...maybe join a gym or something of that sort. She does have to take care of her father, but she should also think about herself, poor thing
2007-08-15 08:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is lucky to have good and thoughtful cousins.
I think the best thing you could do for this cousin might be to give her a really good break, show her some sights, treat her, be a friend to her and enjoy her company.
2007-08-15 08:44:20 · answer #6 · answered by nesta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. It's her life, her choices.
2. She can take care of her dad and have a full life if she chooses to do so, obviously she doesn't choose it.
3. It's not your business, she has to do the work to change her own life.
2007-08-15 08:42:43 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋