problems with in laws?

Question

i am 37 weeks pregnant with what is going to the first grandchild for my mother and father and my husbands mother and father but my parents are not the problem here. my husband is puerto rican and i am white and i was raised VERY differently than he was and his family doesn't seem to understand this. i am so scared about having this baby because i know that his mother will try and control everything i do and will be at our house all the time no to mention his 5 other sibilings!! i really dont like the way his mother treats her 15 year old daughter alway yelling at her and calling her names and im so scared she will act this was to my grandchild. They also make me feel horrible because i am white they are always making jokes about white people and im not going to lie it really hurts my feeling. My mother is so exctied about this baby and i don't want them to take her excitment away by always being around... please help

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation. My EX husband was hispanic and I am white. He and his family always made white jokes and yes it does hurt. We did have a baby together and nothing changed. The controlling thing w/the family I don't know what to tell you other than the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Hate to tell you this but the best thing I ever did was leave him. For me and my son. The teasing and joking only gets worse. Nip it in the bud if you can. Stand up for yourself cuz you don't want your child to be exposed to that.

Answer 2

Your husband needs to make you his first priority right now. If his family is upsetting you then he needs to take some steps to halt this.

Talk with your husband and see about setting up some type of guidelines for after the baby arrives. Let him know that you want both of your families in the child's life but you also need some time to yourselves as a new family.

Let your mother-in-law know that while you value her advice you prefer to make your own final decisions, as she probably did when SHE was a new mother.

I hope your husband is with you on this. Maybe he can talk to his family???

This woman also needs to know that when she insults you she is insulting her unborn grandchild...the child's mother, and her son.

Remember, she can only walk all over you if you let her.

Good luck to you. Your mother-in-law doesn't sound too respectful of anyone. Dig your heels in and stand your ground!!

Answer 3

Actually it's not good enough to see a problem. You have to be knowledgeable enough to actually help those around you to find their way. Emotions are the number one problem in the world because they control subconsciously. Thinking doesn't normally do anything at all, emotions are an entirely different animal. You can more or less control the whole family, believe it or not. Trying to do life without emotional intelligence is like trying to walk with half a leg. That's the condition the world is in, but help is on the way. here's one site on the net trans4mind Everyone acts out of love or fear. You have a fear based situation and you must know right now that love can win and is stronger, but it starts with the strongest person, you. You may not see how strong you are, but I do.

Answer 4

I would hope your husband would stand up to his family for you and your child. He is the one who needs to set down the law with his parents and sibs. You and the child are his family now. There has to be "rules" about when and how long his mother can visit and what she can and cannot do in YOUR home. If she breaks these rules, she will have to leave until she can follow them. Sorry, this might not be easy for your husband. You and his child are his life now tell him to be a man and stand up to his mother. Good luck

Answer 5

You need to sit down and have a serious conversation w/ your husband - you may even need to go to couples counseling for this one - it's a big deal. But, ultimatley you and your husband need to agree to how you want to raise your child and that is going to mean compromise on both sides - but he is going to have to step up to his family and draw the line of what is acceptable and what is not. This is usually very difficult for men and very emotionally charged - that's why I say you should really consider going to a couples therapist. If he resists just make sure to tell him it's for your child - you both need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting so you can be the best parents and couple through it all - you have to be allies in this all.

Answer 6

Have you talked to your husband about your feelings towards your mother in law? If you are both on the same page, you should sit her down and have a talk with her before the baby is here.

Answer 7

It's your house and your child! YOU set the rules! If your husband loves you he will follow your wishes and if his mother starts trouble, you are in charge. Let her know that you appreciate her offering to help but that you would like to time to bond with child alone for a while. Don't let ANYONE mistreat your child, if she says mean things to your child just remember that YOU are the MOM and she can stay home. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 8

Is your husband aware of your feelings and how his mother and family make jokes at your expense? Is this how he allows his wife to be treated? He needs to set the record straight.

Also, your mother in law can not control you unless you let her.

Answer 9

Talk with you husband about how you want to raise your kids differently. Make sure you're on the same page. Then you can approch your MIL or ask your husband to. Maybe that will help her to back off a lil' bit.

Answer 10

You knew how they were, you knew his family before you married him and you married him anyway. Now you have to deal with it. You and your husband should have discussed how the children would be raised before you married him. If you didn't have that talk, then you're basically up "poo creek" without a paddle and it's your own fault.