I despise my mother?

Question

I know it sounds horrible, but it is on the verge of becoming hate. I am almost 17, have a job, pay for everything I have, and yet she still manages to bring me down.. I feel like she thinks it is her job to make me unhappy, it has happened so often i am practically getting used to it. Name calling, blaming everything on me, blaming my dads sickness on me, blaming my mom and dads fights on me. Its rediculous... I cannot stand to be in the same room as her. She will be nice to me infront of all her friends but when it is just us two, **** hits the fan. I love my father, he is reasonable and smart and is fair, but she is just a *****. I have never been home drunk once, never gotten in an accident, never had any school trouble; i really try to stay away from trouble. She does not like my friends, she always has little snide comments about them that she will say quietly, but so i can still hear them.. I truly feel bad for her sad life.

Thank you for all you replys<3 i really cannot pick a best one because there are many

for some more details that i didn't describe, my mother is almost 60 now, yes she had me at 42, and at that age wouldn't you think one should be fully mature? my dad is undergoing some minor heart surgery ( all though no heart surgery to me in minor) and its been going on for a while, so id think she would find a better way to cope with that by now, so im really not sure if her attitude towards me is from stress anymore. but, i could most deffenitely be wrong

Answer 1

What a shame she is so blind as to not appreciate what a fine child she has. Save your money and move out when you turn 18.

Answer 2

Wish my mother was still alive to talk to me. She died when I was 17. She was 36. I don't think I would care what she said to me as long as she could speak.
If you really love your mother, have a calm conversation with her about how you feel. Try not to put her on the defensive. Make sure she knows you are on her team. Sounds like she's going through some rough times. If you dad is sick, she's probably having to do the dad and mom work and doing mom things is already a big job. She probaly feels because of your age, you are getting ready to leave and if your dad doesn't get better, she'll be all alone.
Remember, she could be gone before you know it. Mine was.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 3

I am truly saddened to hear this and I thank you for sharing it. I am going to go and tell my children how much I love them. I have a 16 year old daughter who will be 17 in 2 months and her and her mother struggle at times to get along but, there is never any name calling because they really do love each other.
The best thing I can tell you is to rise above her. It will not be easy but, Find a way to tune her out and continue on being the best person you can be for your dad.
Here is another thing that might bring about some changes in the way she treats you. Tell her that you love her. Every time you hear her say something mean and vindictive, say I love you, mom. Again, hard to do but, you can win here and who knows, she might start saying it back and thinking better thoughts. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Your mom sounds as though she might be clinically depressed. You need some help if that is the case. Can you speak to your Dad about it and see what he thinks. Otherwise, try to forgive her because she is chemically imbalanced. If your Dad can't help you, think about other family members who are close to her. Also go get some counseling for yourself. She knows what she's doing is wrong or you wouldn't be seeing the Jekyll and Hyde aspect of her behavior. Hang in there -- Maybe your dad's illness is just more than she can handle. You sound like a good son. But you need to find someone to help you deal with this.

Answer 5

Hey I can sympathise with you on this one. This sounds just like my mum when I was about your age, and sadly, 15 years later we still have the same kind of love hate relationship, she still criticises my friends, makes me feel bad, recons I don't discipline my kids properly etc etc. It got too much for me and I left home and moved in with my boyfriend at the age of 19.

I'm not sure how I can advise you as I still haven't figured this one out myself, but have had a lot of therapy for it. Incidently I suffer from bad depression and wonder whether there is a connection?

I find it a weird situation, like a circle where I'm desperate for her to like me so go and see her, where she shoots me down in a blaze of flames so I go away feeling rejected to lick my wounds and just as I've recovered and told myself I don't need a cow like her in my life I go back for more in a desperate bid to be liked. The rejection is hard to deal with but in the end I find the only thing that works for me is to adopt a thick skin and distance yourself if thats possible.

Until you can move out I would suggest you ignore her vicious comments, and instead concentrate on what an unhappy person she must be to try to make your life so unhappy. Also remember you must be a pretty special person for her to be that jealous of you that she makes your life so miserable.

My thoughts are with you, I hope you can rectify this situation. Take care and lots of luck x

Answer 6

It sounds like your mom is jealous of you. This happens to quite a few girls. Other than living with other relatives - the one suggestion I would have is for you both to go to counseling. Therapy will help you both get to what is really wrong and maybe provide an alternative for fixing your relationship. I'm sorry you are having a crappy time at home - but don't let her bring you down! You can stand up for yourself without yelling or calling names.

Answer 7

As sad as it sounds, we often lash out at the people we feel safest with. Almost a defience that says " I can push you away too. You see, there is no one who loves me" Your mom is plainly under a great deal of stress. It isn't right for her to dump on you but since she is, maybe you will be able to spend the majority of time at school and your after school job. Get good grades and try to plan to go away to school when you graduate. If your dad isn't too ill, maybe he can give you an opinion on why your mom is so critical.

Answer 8

Wow, this is a perfect picture of mental abuse and you should not have to deal with this. Good for you for doing somethig productive with your life instead o letting her drag you down. I would suggest you talk to a school guidance counsoler first and they should be able to get you the help you need for now. Once you are 18 I would suggest you find a friend to move in with so that you won't be suffering by paying a lot of bills.

Answer 9

It is really hard to tell how much blame you may or may not hold. Sometimes parents are selfish and self absorbed maybe that is the case I don't know for sure. Maybe approach her and ask her if she would be willing to go to family counseling? I doesn't sound right to insult your child. Maybe you can move out at 18 and then try to work on improving your realtionship then? Maybe you can take her to church? Maybe your friends are a bad influence?

Hope it improves

Answer 10

Unfortunately, there is very little you can do. You are not legally adult yet. You can try to get an emancipated but you have to have a very good reason like she is hitting you all the time, drinking, etc. Other than that, can't your dad defend you? Do you have a relative like grandparents? Maybe you can stay with them until you are 18.

Answer 11

I felt the same way about my mother and one day I sat down and wrote a letter about the way I felt and why and it was very long!!! After that she let meknow she read my letter. She didnt say much about it but she has treated me differently ever since. She keeps her opinions to her self and realizes I am my own person. Maybe try this... Good Luck. PS She is not unhappy with you it is something else in her life!