I am a christian and looking for christian advice/support. My husband and I are in our first year of marriage?

Question

I am a christian and looking for christian advice/support. My husband and I are in our first year of marriage?
and it has came to his attention that he does not want to spend his life with me. We are not meant to be nor will we make eachother truely happy so he says. He has been depressed and struggling spiritually for as far as I can remember. He has been physical and verbally rough with me, but it was months ago. He has had suspicious relationships but I have no evidence of an affair. By his choice I have moved out, back to my mom and dad's, and he filed for divorce. There is no reason for it and I in no way want it. I know I have to stand back and just pray, as all things are in Gods hands anyway. I just am having a hard time trusting seeing how I have no idea what really caused this other than "not having much in common" schpeel. I am only 21 and I know what the bible says about re-marrying. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life while he is off re-marrying and never considering God's will in this. Any advice? What should I do? Can people pray for me? Any scriptures come to mind?

Answer 1

Carmen..log on to our women's website its...christianwomentoday.com..you will get all the prayer you need, plus.
As for your question right now, since it's such a painful time I would continue in prayer and attending church. Stay at home until you feel more stable. If your husband refuses to stay with you, perhaps his faith is not where you think it is.
Since he is abandoning the marriage, I do not feel you are bound to remain unmarried in this case.
Read The scriptures below. and maybe we can chat on the website I gave you.

Answer 2

He cannot hold YOU accountable for his happiness, nor can you make him hold on to his faith. That has to come from within him. You had something in common, a love at one time that brought him to asking you to marry him. His views of marriage and happiness are immature and self centered. Now, people who do not share your belief will not understand your view, maybe even tell you that you do not have to follow any words in some 'book'. But, that's their opinion. Stay true to yourself and your faith. This may not be the best place for support for you. If he leaves you and moves on to another relationship, then you have every right to then remarry. It was him that broke the marriage vows. He will have to live with that and be held accountable some day. As the 'adulterer' he would be the one without the right to remarry, NOT you. I base that statement on the following: Luke 16:18 I Cor 7:10-15 Matt 5: 27-31 Matt 19:4-9 Mark 10: 1-12 Luke 16:18 God didn't lead him to this choice, it was his own and against God's word on a man's responsibilities in marriage. God does not allow us any temptation without a way of escape. He didn't choose to seek help or other choices. 1 Cor 10:13 You can pray for him and try to set an example, but if he continues, it is out of your control. Don't let him drag you down with him. You have the right to divorce and remarry if he commits adultery. If he remarries without the right to do so, then he becomes the 'adulterer'. Not here for a Biblical debate, just giving the scriptures. Come to your own conclusion. Study the Bible's word, not man's words. I hope you have a good support system. This is a terrible time. Take care of yourself and do not look for your husband to give you happiness, as he is to weak at this point.

Answer 3

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you're going through this. It's true, the Bible says that the only grounds for divorce is unfaithfulness because God hates divorce. However, there ARE Christians out there who do part ways over irreconcilable differences. Biblically it IS considered a sin, but that doesn't mean that God will love you any less. He loves you so much that He sent His son to die on the cross for your salvation. My mom got divorced and then later remarried and I have no doubts in regards to her salvation. I truly believe that the only way it can be lost is by denying God. It is because of the Lord's everlasting grace and mercy that you are saved. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless!

PS: Click on the links below for scripture referencing what I've said.

Answer 4

There's more in the Word about marriage than you understand. I would suggest
that you find a (true) Christian
Counselor who would help you
to understand this.
Firstly, Since your husband
left the marriage bed....in effect, he has already given
you a divorce. You are free
in the eyes of the Lord to live
your own life! In the eyes of
man, you must still get a legal
divorce. Don't ask others to
pray for you. Your own prayer
carries more weight than the
others since you are living it.
If your conscience is clean
about wanting a sincere marriage, then just pray your
husband finds whatever it is
the Lord wants for him and for
you also.
You are free to live your life
sweety...God did not put you
in bondage. Your life is to be
lived to the fullest!!!

Answer 5

I will definitely pray for you. The only advice that I can give is to be an example to him. Do extra to show your love to him. The world will tell you to give up, he is no good, cut your losses etc... but God is greater than that. Stand for your marriage. Let God lead you in what you should do. If you can, get the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is awesome. It taught me how to love my husband even when he was not giving me what I needed. It will definitely help you. I know it is rough, but hang in there!!!

Answer 6

My mother stayed married to my father for 42 years because she thought it was the "Christian" thing to do. During those years my father physically, emotionally and verbally abused her. He was an alcoholic who "played" Christian only when it suited him. Do you want to spend your life with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you? Scripturally speaking (if you would take the scriptures literally) the only reason for a divorce is in the case of adultery. However, in today's world, being so far from the perfection that God originally created, He is not going to hold you accountable for another person's actions. As long as you know you have not done anything to violate your Christian principles, you are free to remarry. If you are still having doubts, talk to a trusted pastor.

Answer 7

He is leaving you, you are not leaving Him and God knows that so I don't THINK you have sinned in His eyes, but what I do no for sure is that the word of God says that there is no unforgivable sin but blasphemy so if you feel you have wronged God pray for forgiveness to be on the safe side but once again, he is leaving you. I know as Christians we tend to hold on to things that God Himself is trying to pull away from us. Maybe you rushed into things and it wasnt God's will and now He is being taking out of your life because God has better things in store for you. Maybe God needs to work on you as a person to mature you and develop you and you were letting your husband keep that from happening. James 1:2 says that we are to count it all joy when we are faces with trials because this is God's way of perfecting us and giving us endurance and faith so hold on my sister.. God's help is on the way! Stay strong and know that God loves you tooooooooooo much to place His darling beautiful baby girl with a man that will treat her less than perfect! Keep the faith .. hope this helps

Answer 8

Hi, I am a student/teacher of the manuscripts; I want you to listen very, very carefully to what I am going to say to you:

Many Churches will tell you that you have to stay married, or if you get a divorce you are living in sin, and cannot ever be married again. Divorce IS NOT THE SIN. Adultery
would be the sin IF IT APPLIES. The Bible states that in a case such as your, IF YOU REPENT of any part you may have had in the ruin of the marriage (we are not completely innocent and i'm sure there were fights and mean things said, etc.) -
IF YOU REPENT, then it will be as if that marriage never occured; AND YOU ARE FREE TO MARRY AGAIN IF YOU WANT TO.
Please, do NOT let any person or any church put you in bondage where you end up spending the rest of your life alone. This is NOT BIBLICAL. You are FREE IN CHRIST, so if anyone makes you feel in bondage to be lonley and childless, etc, then THEY ARE LIARS.
Allow the divorce to go through, repent and ask Jesus for a fresh start.
When you are divorced, you start your new fresh life that Christ gives to you, and you be happy and go on with your life.

I have seen women (and men) who live the rest of their lives lonley because of the misguided junk told them by the Churches.

There is a woman who lives two miles from where I sit, who was told by her priest that she could not divorce her husband when he was in jail for the rape of their 3 and 5 year old little girls. The husband got out of jail in one year (?) and that same Priest TOLD HER SHE HAD TO TAKE HIM BACK.
She had to turn those baby girls over to be WARDS OF THE STATE. They live in residential institutions to this day. One is now 10 the other 12. The 10 yr old tried to kill herself three times.
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE GODS WILL TO YOU?? It sounds like nothing more than the devils work to me, quite frankly.
And these stories are very frequently heard.
DON'T YOU BE ANOTHER STATISTIC.
When I read your post, my heart SUNK.
You are only 21 years old; you have the right under God, your Heavenly Father who Created you and who loves you, to have a full and joyful life. God wants that for you. Do you know in the Book of Hosea, God DIVORCED the Tribes of Israel for
idolatry (God uses adultery to get the point across of how it felt, how it hurt him).
Lets say you are told that you have to be alone for the rest of your life, and you do that. There you are, lonely, miserable, unfulflled, unhappy. WHAT POSSIBLE GOOD in Gods work can you do? None.
You would be an un-usable servant, because you would be so damned unhappy.
I have seen so much of this same kind of thing that right now my hands are shaking as I write this.
Look, nobody wants divorce. God hates divorce - I bet you do, too, right? So do I.
But its not of your doing. You are not the one running off, he is. Why allow yourself
to suffer when its not your fault, and God does not want that for you? Don't allow it.
Don't you dare allow this; take a stand.
REFUSE to be damned to a life of lonliness. You can do wonderful things in your life, both for God and for yourself.
Have you ever considered that God already has his hand in this? You are obviously a woman of faith. What if its God who realizes this marriage is wrong, and is moving this jerk out of your path so that you can do a special work in your life? If you
close yourself up and are miserable, you may not be able to accomplish the very thing that God is pushing you towards.
Maybe there's a child in your future, but God could not allow it to come thru that particular marriage - it being not so good.
If I were you, I would continue my prayers
to God, repent of any part you had in the marriage problems, and ask God for a fresh start. Then know that you have that fresh start. When that divorce comes thru,
smile at it, and call it the old cliche:
"this is the first day of the rest of my life".
Thats what you should do.
Thats what God wants you to do, and then
by doing it you can continue to be a servant, useful in his Work, and happy in your life.
Quite frankly, its your x who needs the prayers, because God does not like it when someone messes with his child; HE HAS.
His life isn't gonna be worth a damn, but if
you have faith and not allow anyone or any Church to make you a second-class citizen,
then you have wonders in store for you.
I WILL PRAY FOR YOU; I will also pray that you hear what I'm saying to you.
Again, please don't end up one of these
sad statistics. Its not what God intends for his own. God bless and keep you.

rt

Answer 9

More love, I see.

Sin in sin, right. In god's eyes there is no sin worse than another; with the exception of the unpardonable, which ISN'T divorce.

That means that in god's eyes this is just another forgivable sin.

Stop listening to human teachers that make divorce and remarriage a worse sin than murder.

See also 1 Cor 7:15

Answer 10

I too have strong Christian beliefs. However, I have been married three times. Do you think that God wants you to be unhappy. He puts these trials in our way to test our strength and convictions. My third wife and I are both happier than we have ever been. She to was married twice before. We asked our Pastor about this and he told us that God brought us together for a reason. I found out that that reason was that I was to bring my wife into the church. She wasn't a believer and now she is.

You may not have been meant to be together, but the experience has made you stronger and hasn't shaken your beliefs. Rejoice in God's blessings, thank him for ending the abuse, and find what makes you happy.

Man made marriage, God made man.