What are some issues that I might face due to a 12 year age difference?

Question

I'm 45 female and a guy 33 is interested in me. From those of you who have been in age gap relationships before such as this, what are some of the possible challedges that I might face in a relationship such as this? He seems to be very mature and focused.

Most people think that I am in my mid thirties, so people won't be staring.

Answer 1

I am in the same situation with a 14 year difference. So far it has NOT been any issue, as he is very mature and driven to succeed...not only in life, but in our relationship. I have a very young type of attitude on life, and we seem to balance very well. If the two of you are happy and confident in your relationship, I can think of no problems that should arise. Don't believe that crap about "he'll leave you for a younger woman". That doesn't always happen.

Answer 2

I'm 41 and my current interest is 26. Other than the fact that she simply hasn't seen as much of life as I have, I can't say that there's really any major issues. Right now she goes out more than I like, but she says (and I believe) it's because she's bored and lonely and just doesn't want to be at home. (there is some distance between us) She's a single parent and seems to be pretty together.

Age is just a number. Although I'm 41 I neither look nor act that age. (most people generally guess me for several years younger) As long as you each put each other 1st - THAT should be all that matters, not the 12 yr difference.......

Answer 3

Although I have not been in your exact situation, I do have experience in a similar situation. I am currently involved with a man that is 4 years younger than I - so its not quite the difference you face, but still some difference. I was very worried about the age gap because I had dated another guy who was also 4 years younger and he was a complete idiot. My soon to be husband (next week - yay!) is a true MAN and has PROVEN me wrong. He has never given me any reason to believe that he was unhappy, looking elsewhere for someone younger, bored with our sex life - nothing. He has shown no signs of immaturity and has proven to be a better provider & influence for my children than their own father. Occasionally I may mention a tv show that he's unfamiliar with - but its good for a laugh. He might joke about me being old - but I come back with a crack about him being in diapers at the time ~ WE BOTH LAUGH. Other than those silly little things, I have noticed nothing.

My sister is married to a man that is 14 years older than she is - again, not your exact situation, but similar. She has had some issues, but none too serious. They have different parenting styles - he is much more laid back siting lack of energy to fight with the kids and she is much stricter because she has the energy. He is lazy in his battle with his weight, while my sister works out 6 days a week to maintain the figure of an 18 year old (amazing - after 4 kids too). My sister gets frustrated with his lack of exercise & lack of discipline, but they have had a solid marriage anyway. They have been married for 12 years & show no signs of breakup.

I hope these two stories have helped you come to the conclusion that age really is just a number. You could be with someone that is your exact age - born at the same time on the same day in the same year - and it doesn't mean they're the one. You could be with someone 10 or 20 years older or younger and it doesn't mean they aren't the one. The one is the one - and it doesn't matter how old they are. Good luck.

Answer 4

The biggest thing is that you don't have the same points of reference - for example, you know what 45's are (or I should say, "were"), and he might not.

It's not that big a thing for me, because my husband is from another country, and we don't have any common points of reference, anyway. Also, he was a parent already and I wasn't, so he was actually MORE mature than me, in some ways.

The other thing is that I'm getting a lot of pains associated with being older (arthritis, etc.), and he's young and strong.

My husband is almost 35 now. I'm 45. We've been married almost five years. It works. But he has to chase the kids.

Answer 5

I haven't been in a relationship with that big a gap, but my friend was.

The challenges their relationship faced involved her looking and feeling old when he didn't (yet). She put on weight, needed her gallbladder out, then a hysterectomy, couldn't keep up with him in some activities they'd enjoyed together, etc., and complained that sometimes she felt more like his mom than his wife. She also worried a *lot* about her appearance, more than she might have if her husband was also greying and a little plump.

On his side, there was a period what he explored "what if"--what if he'd gotten together with someone younger? What would be different about his life? Would he be a dad? (They were childless.) Would he have traveled to places his older wife felt were too dangerous, or engaged in some high adrenaline activities like sky diving? Would he have taken career risks that would have led to something more fulfilling, or to more money?

In the end, they got past their differences and their marriage worked, but they did face challenges same-age couples don't.

Answer 6

My husband is 16 years my senior so we've had quite a few "challenges". The biggest one is IGNORANT PEOPLE! He's been asked by women "is that your daughter". We've heard a lot, but it's usually from women.

So, the age difference is only a problem with other people. Any other problems you have are the same as you would have in any relationship.

Good Luck!

By the way, I'm just over 40 now and have been married over 20 years to this man.

Answer 7

I have been in a similiar situtation, although I have been the younger one. The two relationships I've been in with older men was a little off putting, simply because people always stared at us. I guess they figured they were my sugar daddies or something, which is not true at all, because I am an RN and I have always taken care of myself.

I was 30 and one was 41 and the other was 42. There are no real "challenges". You just might have to put up with people staring at you and thinking the obvious to most people, such as he is a man that is being "taken care of", and the other challege is your family. Sometimes, they have the best intentions, but can be rude about it. Hopefully it will work out for you.

Answer 8

I know that others can benefit from hearing someone else's experience so I will tell you about mine. I dated a guy that was only 5 years younger than me and it was a nightmare. He was so immature which was shocking because when we were in our "getting to know each other" stage, he seemed so mature and grounded. However, when we began to date he turned into a little boy. He did not want work towards providing a better life for himself, meaning, he was comfortable making minimum wage for a living. He argued and complained about everything. He made weird noises with his mouth at the most awkward times. He allowed his mother to watch him while he took a bath and he took naps with his mother. He was just a complete kid. I'm not saying that your guy is this bad but it's always good to really get to know the person before getting into an exclusive relationship with them. Make sure he is the type of guy you are looking for and make sure he is "on your level." Don't end up with a kid like I did. Best wishes :)

Answer 9

Well my age difference was the opposite of yours, I was 21 and he was 35, I found it to be a bit difficult with the way that others say us. Everyone told me that he was too old and I need to find someone my age. Also there was some issues with the level of energy that we both had, he was getting tired alot and wanted to stay home all the time, while I was always ready to go out and enjoy life. I think it all just depends on the people. If you are comfortable with it and happy in the relationship, then I say go for it!!

Answer 10

Well I have a neighbor who lives with a man younger than her. Every time she sees him speaking to a female near his age. She is envious of the other woman's age.. Also she is about 55 or more. He is in his Early forties. He would like to have more children. About 5 years ago she gave him a son. Needed to have special treatments. In order to able to do so. She has other children not his from before. Do to her age it seems she can't or won't give him more children. I also notice that he notices other women. It seems after years of being together. He is starting to rethink his decision about hooking up to an older woman.