Could someone please explain to me the reasoning behind waiting until marriage to have sex?

Question

((((Jack)))))

sisterzeal: your answer fascinates me. I have to disagree with a few things though.

Virtue is not limited to sexual activity. So, while you are right, I think it's important to remember that virtue means many things.

I don't worry about someone from my finance's past being better in bed than me or him thinking of someone else. He's with me. Actually, we're with each other. We love each other. We trust each other. I'm secure enough in myself, in him, and in our relationship that I don't worry about that.

So, while I'm partially agreeing with you, I'm also disagreeing. :)

Answer 1

you have had very good answers here, and I hesitate to bring up a certain point that everyone else seems to have missed. Before the advent of children's rights, et al (pre-industrial age), girls were considered women at the onset of menses. Boys, however, were not considered men until they were 21. (We all know it should be 25 at the earliest!) Also, beforehand, in order to care for "women", two sets of parents would get together and plan the future of their children, and some children were betrothed to one another quite early. This betrothal was taken very seriously. Breaking it off was tantamount to adultery, even though no actual adultery had been committed.

My point, in a round about way, is that people did this in order that they did not get tempted to sin (we all know what teenage girls are like!) Our societal rules have changed, but people have not. No one in the old days would ever have needed to ask such a question. Although I guess there was still plenty of evil going on.

Answer 2

Here's some secular answers:
1. So you don't lose the love of your life because she doesn't like the fact that you already have a baby, or that you're not a virgin.
2. STD's
3. Would you prefer a defiled woman or an undefiled woman that's been waiting her whole life for you?
4. If you had a daughter, do you want people looking at her thinking vulgar thoughts of sex? Or do you care?

As for Biblical answers, you're probably gonna get enough of them, but 1 Corinthians 6:18 is probably the most profound and explains better in my opinion.

I also suggest the Switchfoot song Easier Than Love. It gave me a different perspective.

Answer 3

OK, in general terms it would be to wait until being married to experience the pleasure of sex within the confines of holy matrimony.

Just so you know, abstinence is a voluntary restraint from indulging a desire or appetite for certain bodily activities that are widely experienced as giving pleasure. Most frequently, the term refers to abstention from sexual intercourse, alcohol or food. The practice can arise from religious prohibitions or practical considerations.

Abstinence has diverse forms. Commonly it refers to a temporary or partial abstinence from food, as in fasting. Because the regimen is intended to be a conscious act, freely chosen to enhance life, abstinence is sometimes distinguished from the psychological mechanism of repression. The latter is an unconscious state, having unhealthy consequences. Freud termed the channelling of sexual energies into other more culturally or socially acceptable activities "sublimation."

Sexual abstinence is the practice of voluntarily refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity. Common reasons to deliberately abstain from the physical expression of sexual desire include religious or philosophical reasons (e.g. chastity), material reasons (to prevent conception (undesired pregnancy) or STD transmission), or to conform to legal injunctions.

Sexual abstinence has been debated since antiquity, both in terms of same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.

Answer 4

do you really value what you can have so easy and others have had as well? It's such human nature to appreciate those things that we have had to put effort for and haven't had handed to us for free. Is there anything special about a woman who shows what she's got for everyone? She makes herself a commodity, just another devalued product that someone only wants until they find something of more value. And if that wasn't the case, all the premiscuous women in the world would have loyal partners.

If you aren't a Christian, you probably will find little use for marriage. If you are though, then you'd know the Bible says that the reason He made them one was for Godly seed. We are all so flawed and wounded and misguided in many ways. But when 2 people, striving to live with integrity unto God get married, they are able to minister to eachother in a custom way. Much the same way God does by Spirit but he has chosen marriage to be the outline in which He teaches us about Him and our relationship with Him.

If you are a Christian and you agree with even a bit of that, then know that God has a will for each of us. He knows what will ultimately make us the most fulfilled and happy. For most, that includes a marriage. So there is someone that God is molding to fit your needs and visa versa.

Why corrupt such a romance with baggage and experiences that lessen that future marriage? Marriage isn't just about relationship, it includes sex. So you can say, "I've never felt this way about anyone before. But I've touched others and they've had me, just like this. So this part... well, I've been there, done that."

Not only that but you stand before your future spouse, and you say, "to have and to hold" well, you've already had them and held them so what does your word mean now? If you couldn't value them enough to commit to them, caring about their heart before, what strength does your marriage have?

I really think it just comes down to your word and your integrity. What do you have to promise on your wedding day, what do you have to give that you haven't given for nothing? You shared intimate experiences with someone as if you yourself have no worth to be committed to. If you think lust disappears or love appears suddenly because you exchange rings, you are mistaken. If you couldn't control your passions before, when you grow familiar with your spouse, those passions will tempt again.

And we wonder why adultery is so prevalent.

Answer 5

A Christian education for chastity within the family cannot remain silent about the moral gravity involved in separating the unitive dimension from the procreative dimension within married life. This happens above all in contraception and artificial procreation. In the first case, one intends to seek sexual pleasure, intervening in the conjugal act to avoid conception; in the second case conception is sought by substituting the conjugal act with a technique. These are actions contrary to the truth of married love and contrary to full communion between husband and wife

Answer 6

Are you looking for a religious explanation, or a personal opinion?

Religiously, I believe God intended sex for a married couple. He wants it to be a special gift in a marriage. Having done it with multiple people prior to marriage seems to make it less special within the confines of marriage.

Personally, if you're able to wait for marriage, I think sex is safer that way. No communicable diseases, no unplanned pregnancies, etc.

Answer 7

I have no idea of the reason, but I feel sorry for one of my fans, who appears to be suffering as a result of keeping to this. I only hope for her sake that she doesn't end up marrying the first stranger with a spare ring.

EDIT: And I'm totally getting that 'special connection' thing that everyone is saying here.

I haven't spent any amount of time with my first in years (6, to be exact), but I still haven't moved on in my heart, even though I've moved on a long way physically and in mind.

I saw her and her husband a couple of months ago, and the feelings all came back. It actually felt amazing, just being there in the same room as her, but a little uncomfortable because of the time that has passed and also her husband's presence.

Another uncomfortable factor was the whole 'I shouldn't be feeling like this' situation. When we went our separate ways, I felt hollow and abandoned, just like all those years ago when she broke up with me.

I dunno, perhaps it's this that is making my current 5-year old relationship seem like hell.

Answer 8

The concept is nonsense. Many people are incompatible in sex relations, them do you want to expend the rest of your life on an unhappy sex life. Maybe this is the reason for many divorces ,50% in my area.

Answer 9

Haven't seen the story of Jesus' answer to the woman at the well, so I'll throw that in. She told the Lord that she didn't have a husband, and Jesus said you're right, you don't have a husband, you have several.

I believe you need a license to be that intimate with the opposite sex. But that's my own Christian belief, not everybody's belief.

Answer 10

Sex, as God intended it, is the total, complete, and unreserved giving of self between spouses. If one has had sexual relations before marriage, then there is no complete giving of self, even if one eventually marries the sex partner because at the time, one cannot be sure that marriage will occur.

Secondly, it is a fact that adultery and divorce occur at significantly higher rates among married couples who have had premarital sex as opposed to couples who wait until after marriage.

Then, there are the obvious reasons of unwanted pregnancies and STDs.