My sister is having a small wedding and is very strict on how many guest can attend because of the cost for each guest to attend. My sister and her fiancee had other guest waiting on the invitees to RSVP so that they could fill in the spots of anyone who couldn't originally attend. A guest responded late by a week, but has been replaced. What is the proper thing to do in this case? I say my sister needs to verbally tell her not to come so she doesn't show up thinking it is ok to come. It is 33 dollars a plate and they are already over budget ,plus the wedding caters expect payment right after the reception. I do not want my sister to have to worry about guest who didn't RSVP showing up. How should this be handled?
2007-08-15 03:59:07 · 19 answers · asked by nene 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your sister invited the guest. She can not "Uninvite" someone! That is disgustingly rude.
When the date for the RSVP came, she should have divided the list of "No Answers" amongst her bridal party and had everyone call the No Answers to get a Yes or No on the headcount. Never assume that someone will not attend unless you have a verbal or written "No".
For her to have a "backup" list...how insulting is that to the backup list? I certainly wouldn't want to know I was "2nd string".
She needs to swallow the 33 dollar per plate charge and allow both the original invitee and the 2nd invitees to attend. If someone is invited, they are allowed to come.
Your sister needs to CALL her "no Response" list right away...because it is very likely she will have people show up that she did not plan for, if she doesn't.
2007-08-15 06:31:23 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you sent an invitation, it would be very rude for you to eliminate someone from the list, have them show up and find out that they have been 'replaced' by another guest. You should always plan on more people arriving than you planned for and I am sure that you can find any extra money you need in the envelops filled with money that you will be getting from your scheduled guests. Get real. A wedding costs money, so why did'nt your sister invite LESS people in the beginning? People have a tendency to want everyone to come, but then when the time comes to pay up, (even though a guest is expected to bring a GIFT) why is it such a hard thing to do. Don't worry.. Everything will work out just fine. You have the wedding 'jitters'.
2007-08-19 10:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely can't uninvite someone unless you don't care about keeping that person's friendship or respect. Just fork over the $33 and let the friend come to the wedding. It is far worse to uninvite someone for a small breach of etiquitte than to make said small breach of etiquitte. Just for future reference: There are always guests who show up but forget to RSVP, and there are always a few guests who RSVP but are unable to attend. That's just part of having a reception.
The proper way to do things would have been:
1 - Set an RSVP deadline that is a week and a half or two weeks before the deadline for the caterer.
2 - Make phone calls to all guests who have not sent in their RSVP cards and ask them whether or not they're coming. If you have to have an accurate head count, it is not rude to ask the people who may have forgotten to respond.
2007-08-15 12:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your sister should cough it up. For 1 guest come on. Either invite all or none. If you can't do it right she should have done a buffet or something lighter. You don't have first & second draft guests. It looks greedy & cheap. More than likely the caterer has built in a few plates into her price of $33 for those who attend & didn't RSVP, but your sister should have called before bumping guests.
If she was worried down to the single person she should have invited fewer people.
It would be VERY tacky to tell someone that they cannot attend because of 7 days.
2007-08-15 11:19:49 · answer #4 · answered by jillette 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately that was her responsibility. When people do not RSVP, she was suppose to call and verify that they would not be attending. Now she has no choice but to pay for her guests--or be so outrageously rude that she call a guest and take back the invite.
Being overbudget is not the guests fault. Paying $33 a plate was a choice made by her, not the guests. Sending that many guests invites in the first place was her decision as well. It will not just be that guest either--you are suppose to expect 10-15% of guests to show who did not RSVP and a few who did RSVP to not show. I'm sorry but she really can't start calling people who didn't RSVP and telling them they aren't invited afterall.
2007-08-15 11:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
This person was invited and the invitation was not rescinded. It may not be rescinded now.
Responding late to an invitation is certainly inconvenient, but things happen. Invitations and response cards get lost in the mail or get forgotten and dealt with late.
When that happens, it is up to those who issued the invitation to find out for certain whether the guest plans to attend by phoning or emailing until a response is received.
Having a B list and 'replacing' guests without making a second attempt to get a response is a far greater wrong than spacing on a reply.
Your sister should accept the response for the guest she invited.
2007-08-15 11:43:41 · answer #6 · answered by gileswench 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think she should give up the extra $33. When people do not RSVP in time (as is always the case), it is proper for the host to contact the person to see whether they are coming or not. What if the invitation was stuck in the mail (this happens), or what if the person had a medical emergency? Is that worth making them feel like a reject over $33? It's only $33, which I know is outside the budget, but c'mon already.
2007-08-15 11:10:02 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You cannot rely on people to RSVP on time, even if you stamp and address the RSVP and include it with the invites. Your sister should have called the people who did not reply by the RSVP date and checked with them first if they were coming before inviting more guests in their place, it's rude to invite someone and not check if they are coming and assume they are not, it is your responsibility (the hosts of the event, not yours personally) to call and check with people, yes it is rude of them not to RSVP in time, but just coz they don't it doesn't mean they are not coming. She may well have to suck it up and keep this guest on the list, and call anyone else that has not replied now before inviting any new guests.
2007-08-15 12:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The guest was invited, and so must be welcomed, even if they responded late. Your sister should not have filled that spot without having first called the late-responder to find out if they were coming or not (what if the response had been sent, but lost in the mail? what if that's the case for other spots your sister filled?). The fact that she invited two people for one spot is now her problem, not the guests'. She can't uninvite them.
2007-08-15 11:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The proper thing is to make room for that guest!
You see, it is extremely rude for your sister to divide her guest list into the "A" list and the "B" list. But she did. She was also supposed to call the A list people who didn't RSVP before replacing them with B list people. But apparently she didn't do this.
Your sister seriously breached etiquette, and she needs to recoup as much grace as she can. She cannot tell the A-list guest not to come because he was replaced, because that was rude of her to do. She can't take back the B-list guest's invitation, because that would be rude.
The only thing she can do is let them both come, graciously.
2007-08-15 11:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋