He had the early signs of schizophrenia but it wasn't conclusive. He msoked a lot of weed and had psychotic episodes.
It's so surreal for me and my family and we all feel responsible because we weren't able to prevent him from abusing drugs and getting to the extreme state he obviously did.
I'd had problems getting along with him for years and felt very little love towards him. I've been told it's normal for family members of mentaly ill people to feel this way.
Now he's been dead I feel so much guilt and sadness, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.
I want to find a way to let go of the guilt as I was only 23 when it happened but then I feel I'm just accepting that I was a callous selfish individual. I'm very confused!!
2007-08-15 02:47:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
First, I'm really sorry for your loss. You are not responsible for your brother's death, or drug abuse, or mental health. There was no way that you could have prevented his drug abuse anymore than you could have prevented any psychotic episodes he was experiencing. I can certainly understand under the circumstances that you would have a had some problems getting along with him. Give yourself a break, you were just a kid. Since your question is about letting go of guilt why don't you try going to his grave site. Stand there and tell him the things that you feel that maybe you didn't get a chance to say to him in life. Then, make him a promise and yourself a promise that you are going to begin to let go of these unwarranted feelings of guilt that you have been carrying around with you. Maybe you could even make a point of visiting his grave site every so often, maybe put down some flowers, or maybe on his birthday do a random act of kindness for somebody in his memory. You need to let this go for you...you did nothing wrong here.
2007-08-15 03:13:20 · answer #1 · answered by Dutch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts to see a friend do that to themselves but he had other issues than just boozing and drugs. Some things can`t be explained and you can`t hold on to your guilt because you didn`t take the time to talk to him. He could have made an effort also but did he? Look at this way would he be doing this to himself if the shoe was on the other foot? Live your life dude and live your life to the fullest and live some for John also. He would do the same for you I bet!! Make a difference in life and make him proud of you the way you do it!! Good luck and hang in there. He wouldn`t want you to linger on this!!
2016-05-18 03:17:40 · answer #2 · answered by mariana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie, it's time to get over the unfounded guilt! Your brother was very ill. He chose to medicate himself with pot, instead of really seeking help. Ya know, I have a son n law who's brother is bipolar. He's been in and out of prison. The last time he got out , he stayed on his meds for awhile, then chose illegal drugs instead. He has two kids, had a job, ...then beat up his girlfriend. He's back in prison. The family did everything they could to keep him on the straight and narrow. Your brother is gone and is at peace now, leaving you and your family to bare the burden of grief and guilt. We all have choices, he had a choice. You can only be saved if you want to be. It's hard to love someone deeply who choses to destroy themselves and others around them. Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink! Time to get on with your life, guilt free, and be happy!
2007-08-15 03:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by zen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, my condolences on the loss of your brother. As you note, the feelings you are having are completely normal, as in expected under the circumstances. That does NOT mean, though, that you just have to live with them and do nothing about them. I think you need someone to help you work through them, like a therapist or counselor. I hope that you will seek out this help and are willing to do the work to get past this point in your life. My best wishes to you.
2007-08-15 02:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NEVER feel guilty about someone else's actions. If you really want to let go of the guilt and move on remembering the good times with him you and your family need THERAPY.
2007-08-15 02:55:41 · answer #5 · answered by Lilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So sorry for your loss.
I think the best thing for you to do would be to talk to a professional. They would be able to help you work through your feelings much better than any of us could.
2007-08-15 02:57:15 · answer #6 · answered by Jeramoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, you did nothing wrong. Miss him and be sad, but it was his choice.
2007-08-15 02:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. In other words let it be.
2007-08-15 02:55:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheOpenDoorForsupport/
2007-08-15 03:36:51 · answer #9 · answered by Dollbaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋