Are there any only children(now adults) having to take care of your elderly Parents?

Question

If so, how do you cope? My Dad passed away a year ago, and it's just my Mom, she has never been an independent person, always relied on my Dad, and she doesn't drive. She will soon be 72, bad memory from a stroke. Now she depends on me for everything, appointments, shopping, cleaning, etc. I do not mind helping but I'm getting worn out. She doesn't want anyone else to help. What am I to do? I love her ,but I'm exausted.

Answer 1

if you are exhausted, then you need to find someone to help... whether she likes it or not.

i have a friend in this situation, except she takes care of BOTH parents... she finally hired someone to help, who takes her parents to appointments, does general cleaning and even makes sure they have lunch.

her parents didn't like it, but she told them both that they are going to have to accept it, because she was running herself ragged.

sometimes we have to assert ourselves.

Answer 2

I second the suggestion that you get someone else to help. Maybe that other person would do the shopping and cleaning, etc. and you could do the driving things. An older person may feel more comfortable in a car with someone she trusts - such as YOU. But there are plenty of other things a second person could do.
Another suggestion is adult day care - taking her to a facility where they provide lunch and activities and companionship. That would at least free up your days so you could have some respite.
Good luck with it.
Note:
If you have another person help with something like grocery shopping, make up a master list of what your mother uses - size of the item, brand, salted, unsalted, etc. Then just go through that checklist every week and send the person off shopping. As new things are needed, add them to the list, too, so you can always check that list and know it is complete. That's what I do - I'm not an only child but I do grocery shop for a friend who is in her 80's, doesn't drive, has physical problems and doesn't have any kids.

Answer 3

My mother passed away and my father flipped out, had a nervous breakdown, and was inconsolable for five months. He was in and out of psychiatric wards (3 times) before I finally had to place him in an assisted living facility. I am unmarried and incapable of cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry as I don't have the time....He resisted initially to the point of tears, but is now truly happy interacting with other seniors at the facility. He is 80+ years old and "has all his marbles" and is in good health. Believe me, YOUR sanity is at stake here and you will long out-live your mother. She's not interacting with anyone and is probably very lonely when you're at work. I would look into some sort of professional care for her, as you are not trained to help her in a complete manner like a facility could....

Answer 4

i am so sorry about this.it is very unfair that life has to end with us unable to do anything!-i will not get in to my thought of "god´s" unfairness in this case....
if there is in fact someone else to help,sorry but have the other person help.mom will complain but you neeed your rest both mental and physical!!!it is hard but do have some one to give you a hand if you can afford it! you will wind up yelling at her and having un necessary arguments all the time because you are exhausted!!!!

Answer 5

my husband is the only child. his mother is not with her husband and hasnt been for a long time. shes 55yrs old. we live in another state. last yr she tried to move closer to us. we helped her move only to find out she wanted us to take care of her. i put my foot down. we have 2 teenagers and i wasnt about to take care of someone that can do for them selves. so she moved out and still wanted us at her every call. well a yr later she went back to her mom. i know i sound heartless but my husband and i are in our late 30`s our kids are almost 18. we have our own plans to enjoy our lives a bit before grandkids come. we want to travel and not take care of a grown woman that can do it her self. i have took care of my grandmother after her stroke. i had to put her in the nursing home. i looked into a few before i picked one. her social sec. paid for it. but i did make sure i stayed involved in my grannys life. went and saw her daily, took her shopping, had her visit us often. but i just couldnt care for her fulltime, maybe u should check into it. or even a part time nurse to come in and help. ur mom has benifits like medicare, soc.sec, and any insurance. by the time all of them pay their part most of the time its all covered so it wont cost u. ur human resourse can help you. good luck.