I just got engaged. My boyfriend and I decided that we were going to get married in my hometown. My hometown is 85 miles from his. Which is like a 45 minutes to hour drive. Sometimes not that long depending on the traffic. His mom called me last night asking why we have to get married up here. She said that she doesnt want to come up here. My city is smaller than their's and she say it is to small. The smaller the city the cheaper things cost. The bigger the city the more it cost. That is how I see it. She said that she wasn't coming to the wedding, she was just going to send us a gift. Tradition says get married in the bride's hometown. When her and my future father-in-law got married they didn't have that problem, because they live in the same city. What do you guys think should get married in my hometown or his's?
2007-08-15 02:05:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are correct. Traditionally, brides marry in their hometowns.
As a mom, I think your mother-in-law is being very ugly. I would have no problem with driving an hour to see my child get married. I would go anywhere on this planet to see my child get married.
I think you should continue with your plans, and get married in your hometown. This is what you and your fiance decided. His mom does not get a vote. If she continues to express her disapproval, your fiance needs to speak with her.
If she decides not to come to the wedding, your fiance can tell her how much that decision hurts him. Try your best to stay out of it, and let your fiance handle this.
Good luck to you.
2007-08-15 02:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Get married in your hometown. Your future mother in law is acting like a...well, you know what she's acting like. You are absolutely right, the smaller the town, the cheaper the wedding. That's why I'm getting married in my hometown as well. It's a very small town and things like renting out a reception space and the church are very affordable. If she doesn't come to the wedding because she doesn't want to drive an hour, that's just lazy, stubborn, and downright disrespectful to you and her son. If she wants to be that way, though, let her. DO NOT change your plans because of her immature actions.
2007-08-15 09:49:34 · answer #2 · answered by Natty 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and get married where the two of you originally planned - your hometown. If his family is adamant about not travelling, could you have a reception in his hometown at a later date?
You didn't mention where you actually live - whether you live in either of your hometowns or in a completely different city. If you have your wedding where you live, would people have more equal travel distances?
My guy and I are from two different continents, on opposite sides of the planet! We just decided to have one wedding in the city where we live and one where his family lives.
Don't start caving in to your MIL - if you do, she'll try to control more than just your wedding.
Also - sorry to be picky - but if you can drive 85 miles in 45 minutes, you're going 113 miles per hour!! be careful!! ;-)
2007-08-15 12:19:57 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, there're no way you can make an 85 mile trip in 45 minutes unless you're driving over 100 mph the whole way.
Secondly, yes, it's traditional to get married in the bride's hometown. It's easier for a bride to plan a wedding in her own town than in a town 85 miles away. My husband and I got married 8 months ago, and his whole family had to travel 900 miles to get to the wedding, so your in-laws have it pretty easy. Continue to plan your wedding in your town, and chances are good she's not going to miss out on her own son's wedding because it's 85 miles away.
2007-08-15 09:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, where do you both live NOW? Who is footing the bill? If your parents are paying then you should (as traditionally goes) get married in your hometown. If you both live together someplace else and the two of you are footing the bill why not get married there? It sounds like your future mother-in-law doesn't really want you to marry "her son" and is a bit of a control freak. You want to try to get along with her, but maybe there is a way you could dig deeper to find out the real meaning behind why she won't travel an hour. Perhaps she is afraid to drive? Can't afford a hotel? Offer to pay for a hotel for her and to drive her both ways. If she still refuses, then it sounds like a passive-aggressive way of just being down right mean to you both. What ever you decide, do what will make the two of you happy. Yes you want your fiance's mom to be there for him, but the marriage is about the two of you, not just the wedding day. If you let her start manipulating you now, just think what she will do if you ever have kids!
Good Luck, and Congrats!
2007-08-15 09:24:13 · answer #5 · answered by Spirit Girl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would stick with what you and your fiance decided. At least it's only 45 minutes for his family to travel, which is definatly not asking to much. When my husband and I were faced with this decision (my family is all from northern California, his from Wisconsin) it was more about what time of year we were getting married and such. Either way important people would have not been able to make it from one side or another depending on where we were married, but we did end up getting married in my home town. I would say that you should explain to his mother that you have decided between the two of you, and depending on who is footing the bill, that it is the easiest and best way to go. I would hope as time goes on it wont be such a big deal to her, and maybe she could become use to the idea. Good luck!
2007-08-15 09:30:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get married where you want. My fiance and I have chosen the city we live in now, and both families have to travel to come to our wedding. It is about an equal distance between the two towns. We are doing it simply because we are catholic and it is easier to get married in a church you belong to than a church you no longer attend, so both our families understand.
You future mother in law is being ridiculus. If she wants to miss her sons wedding, let her. Do not cave on this issue or you will have a lifetime of difficulty with her. I do think you hometown is perfectly fine, and unless she is paying for it, I don't think she has any right to tell you to get married some place else.
2007-08-15 10:12:51 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go way, way back in history for the traditions here -- not that traditions shouldn't be revised to fit modern times. I'm going way back because in those days travel was so difficult that a common gathering of both "friends of the bride" and "friends of the groom" was rarely expected -- there were usually two seperate occasions.
Back then bride was a (theoretically) sweet young thing passing from her father's home and protection, to the home and protection of the groom and his family. So the marriage ceremony took place in the church or chapel which the bride's family attends. Afterwards the bride's family gave a reception (anything from a tea to a grand ball) to (1) introduce to groom to their social circle and (2) as a going away party for their daughter.
Then the couple took a wedding journey, now called a honeymoon. This was largely to allow the couple to work out any initial problems with "the physical aspects" of marriage in privacy, away from giggling family members and smirking servants.
After the wedding journey, the couple would either move in with the groom's family, or into a home of their own in the groom's community. Then the groom's parents would hold a reception to introduce the new family member to their own social circle and perhaps serve as a housewarming party.
Let me be clear on one point: No is OBLIGED to give you a party OR a gift. No matter how USUAL it is, it is still VOLUNTARY, not REQUIRED. As a gracious young couple, you and your groom will take an attitude of APPRECIATING but not EXPECTING these sorts of attentions.
If there are questions about who gets an invite to what, who gets an announcement only, etc, get back with me. Congratulations and best wishes.
2007-08-15 09:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Stick with what you chose originally--your future mother-in-law has no right to dictate your wedding. If you give in to her now, she'll expect to get her way all the time.
Offer to arrange transportation for her if she doesn't want to drive. I'm sure there is another relative who can pick her up.
85 miles is not that far and most people will not mind the drive.
She'll probably calm down eventually. Mothers-in-law get like this sometimes, so just be patient with them but stand your ground.
Best of luck and congratulations!
2007-08-15 09:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by elsie 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No1 don't let her get to you.did you let your fiance know what she said and what does he say about all this.just get married in your hometown and she'll go but if she is such a ***** ,i mean good luck ask your fiance where does he want to get married and if he says where ever you want then you pick and get married you don't need anyone else try to run your decisions, if you let your soon to be mother in law she'll do it all the time.like when you guys are ready for children and how to raise them . and who know she probably planned your honeymoon already...LOL n e ways dont' let her decide for you guys if you fiance says your hometown then get married in yours he must really love you.
PS. have you seen the movie
Monster- in law!!!!!!
if not go rent it.... hope this helps
and good luck in the fut re and have a great wedding in your hometown.
2007-08-15 10:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by Blah Blah Blah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋