I recently asked the guy ive been dating if he thought we were in a relationship as we have been dating for three months and counting. I wasn't asking for marriage but in the end he stated that he was not ready for a relationship due to his last break up. He said he wanted to keep things simmering and when he's ready he would tell me(he's not seeing other women, phew!). Anyway I said I might as well find someone who is willing to commit but he was against that and wanted to keep me for himself, so im kinda confused, does he want to take it slow and not rush into things like he did with his last girlfriend or shoud I ditch him eventhough I like him?
2007-08-15 02:05:49 · 32 answers · asked by carmen260 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let's look at this from a different point of view.
You have been dating for three months! You are getting along well! You are in a relationship.
Why do you feel the need to formalize something that is going well? You two like each other. You are having a good time together! Rather than setting categories, rules and benchmarks, why don't you just enjoy this time getting to know each other?
This may seem stereotypical, but most women want to verbalize the state of the relationship. Most guys not only do not want to talk about it, they would rather have a root canal without Novocaine than have that discussion!
You are thinking about breaking up with him because he will not commit after three months? He is seeing you. He wants you to only see him! You have everything that you want except for the label!
Take things slow and easy, and enjoy yourself. A relationship is not like a normal task at work or school, where you should have so much done by such and such a time! Quit worrying about the goal, and instead enjoy the journey!
2007-08-15 02:49:16 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't be afraid of conflict. Conflict is part of a mature relationship. If you both act in a mature fashion, conflict can be resolved. If he doesn't know there is a problem, how can he solve it, right? You say you are ready for marriage. Great! Your boyfriend, who has a daughter with you and is living with you says he isn't. Why? You are already living like you are married, minus the piece of paper to prove it. Why is he so scared over a little piece of paper? He supposedly loves you enough to have sex with you, make a baby with you and live with you, but he doesn't love you enough to marry you? Something sounds fishy there. Give him an ultimatum. Six months from now, you want to be married or you'll take your daughter and leave and find someone else who actually WANTS to be with you and isn't just with you because he feels obligated to his child. That's not the kind of family you want your daughter to be a part of.
2016-05-18 03:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a matter of personal choice on your part. If what you explained is exactly the situation, then you should try and be patient.
The fact that women are more emotional than men, we tend to sometime rush into relationships. And it's almost impossible to beleive it when a man wants to take things slow.
The fact that he still wants you means that he cares. Give him some time... maybe its a good thing to take things slow...don't push him, you'll probably push him away. Enjoy dating, do things like hug him, kiss him, show him affection, show him you care...but not too much, men are so strange sometimes, they tend to take a women's affection in the wrong way... eventually if he really likes you he'll commit.
In the mean time hang out with your friends and family. Don't keep waiting by the phone for him.
Don't wait around too long though... it could probably mean that he's taking you for granted. After some time ask him the same question and whatever his answer then you could make a dicission based on it.
2007-08-15 02:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's only been 3 months, give it time. Take things slow and go with the flow. I almost made the mistake of ending my 3 year relationship to my fiance because he said he wasn't ready to get married. He thought I was asking to get married right away but I wasn't, all I wanted to know was if we were still getting married in the year we had agreed. So all is good now and we are still in love. He has been with you for 3 months so obviously he wants to be with you. Don't pressure him and just see where this goes. If you don't see it going anywhere in another 3 months, then you have to decide where to go from there. Good Luck!
2007-08-15 02:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by curious_boricua_soul 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
from personal experience please take it slow! learn all u need to know about him before u enter into a relationship. (the basics really; u never know a person completely)
the best relationships start off as friends. if u are already having sex with him i would suggest that u both have an agreement not to sleep with other people, but dont let it last for too long without the committment. i would give it another month and deman the commitment or keep ur options open.
2007-08-15 02:28:46 · answer #5 · answered by Ma Baby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. I have been dating this guy for over 4 months and haven't ever talked about the status of our relationship. We have decided to only see each other so I suppose that puts us beyond "just dating." I am not interested in labels and neither is he. I think he really hates the idea of labeling us so I don't push the issue.
If you are both sexually monogomous with each other, and not dating anyone else, then you are in a good place at 3 months, in my opinion. I wouldn't push it. You may just push him away.
Sounds to me like he isn't so much afraid of commitment as he is of getting hurt again. In some strange way, he may feel that by not giving your status a name, he is keeping his feelings safe.
2007-08-15 02:18:04 · answer #6 · answered by sadsillygirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he was being "fair" to you by saying he's not ready to dive in head-first to this relationship.
taking things one day at the time is usually lots better than rushing into things.
personally, i'd rather meet a man like this -- someone who is at least thoughtful enough to be honest!!
he seems to care for you, so that's a start. perhaps he is gun-shy or not over the last relationship.
i don't see how you're going to find someone who is ready to commit overnight? people we are attracted to, don't just pop up out of thin air every day.
if you like this guy, then DATE him... you don't have to get engaged, or spend every moment with him. i am sure the two of you will get to know each other over time, and decide whether to continue a more serious relationship or not. what is the rush?
meanwhile, do things you enjoy.... with friends, family, a hobby or whatever you like....
women these days spend too much time sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, when they could be productive and active and have a life outside their relationship.
there is more to life than just the relationship...
take care.
2007-08-15 02:13:48 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Calm down, don't think too far into the future. You cannot possibly predict what is going to happen. Take it easy and just be with him. Time will tell he's right to take it easy and you should too, that way if you can be friends then you're more likely to see every side of each other and fall in love.
Give it a chance on his terms and see how it goes- he does need time and it's better he goes out with you for the right reasons.
2007-08-15 02:46:23 · answer #8 · answered by jessieket04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. He wants you for himself, but he doesn't want a 'relationship'. What do YOU want? Its been 3 months so he should really know whether or not he likes you enough to have a relationship.
If I were you I would put my cards on the table and tell him you really him but you won't wait forever for him to decide what he wants. That way its clear to him that you're interested but you won't be a push-over. Then give it another month and see if anything changes.
Good luck!
2007-08-15 02:48:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anya 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is saying straight out that he isn't ready for a relationship you should take it at face value. He's not ready and not willing to commit since his feelings for you aren't deep enough, which he indirectly tells you when he refers to his last relationship when he says he isn't ready.
You have been seeing him for over three months now and it sounds to me as if he is viewing this as a rebound relationship. Be careful not to get too emotionally involved since you might get really hurt, if you choose to keep seeing him.
2007-08-15 02:15:40 · answer #10 · answered by Rose 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋