As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for departmental areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
2007-08-15 01:43:34 · 17 answers · asked by Jim 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training (****). We take pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have given our employees more **** than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough **** on the job, see your immediate supervisor.
2007-08-15 01:44:29 · update #1
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the **** you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
2007-08-15 01:45:13 · update #2
Are you going to be my new supervisor? Have a great day?
2007-08-15 01:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by Flowers 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bravo
2016-05-18 03:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by isa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is about what our society amounts to at times. you hit the the head of the hammer on that nail. lol- or was it a screw?? either way screwed may appeal. good one lol-lol.
2007-08-15 02:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by Savanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They'd never dare sack a smart**se like you! Very clever,I gave you a special twinkly award recommendation(STAR).
2007-08-15 02:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by Misty Blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is 1 wacky joke. What job was they employed for
2007-08-15 07:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by tvngray 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great. Dont you love it when things work out like that?
2007-08-16 00:35:44 · answer #6 · answered by Jeni R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good one
Ah, the typical gratitude of the large companies....
2007-08-15 03:22:35 · answer #7 · answered by TheatreFan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
almost didn't read the whole thing. glad i did. worth a star. (wish i could give you more than one)
2007-08-15 02:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by frostbite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad move, you will have a lawsuit on your hands.
2015-12-24 09:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very true, nice 1
2007-08-15 01:55:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋