why is my mom acting this way..??

Question

so heres the deal..im 21, n i still live at home w/ my mom..we've never had any major problems w/ each other, n for the most part, have always gotten along..but lately she's really been on my back n i dont understand why. last nite she gave me the longest lecture bc my boyfriend n i switched cars for today so that he could take mine to the shop while im at work. n i was thinkin to myself, what is she upset about??..she is always yelling at me about responsibility, but i dont know why - im a full time college kid, i work 2 jobs, i split household chores w/ my bro, i even help out w/ groceries, and the bills..i dont disrespect her in any way, n i know she has alot on her plate, so i try to help out as much as i can..but nothin i do satisfies her. everyday is some sort of argument, or a lecture from her, n i feel like she thinks what im doin n tryin to do w/ my life isnt good enough. do u think we've outgrown each other? is it time for me to jus move out or is this just a phase? thanks!

Answer 1

You do not "outgrow" your mom, this isn't a relationship that you simply pack up and walk away from.

If you are 21, then your mother is middle aged and its very likely that she is in menopause or starting it. If she is highly stressed with alot on her plate, then that makes it worse. If you are actually doing all that you say you are (sorry, I have 24yr old daughters and their version and my version is sometimes very different), then I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her.

I would, without drama, tell her just what you asked here. I wouldn't threaten moving out, but I would ask her if there is something that you aren't doing that you could do to help her out. Tell her that you are confused and need her help to understand where you are falling short. Keep your emotions out of it, and listen to what she says. Tell her that you love and respect her and when she lectures you she is telling you that you are on the wrong path.

I don't think she is going to accept you suggesting she see a doctor for menopause symptoms but if you have that kind of relationship then mention it. Otherwise I would talk to your grandmother, one of your aunts, a friend of hers, someone her age or a relative and tell them what you suspect and ask if they will intercede.

If you were my daughter and doing all that, I would want you to live with me forever. You really sound like you are doing a great job and I'm sorry your mom is going through a period of time when she can't see it. You may have to decide which is worse, the added stress of having your own place or your mothers behavior. I would do whatever you have to to stay in school and keep to your dreams. Even if that means moving. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Take her out to dinner so you two can talk. It could be a combo of both ideas. Sounds like your mom is a single mom, she might need your support, or vice versa. Either way it's a delicate situation all around, being on your own isn't as easy as you think too so be catious not to react right now. Stay sensitive to her, she needs to talk to someone or get away for a little a day trip or nice dinner. We all derserve a break, life sucks sometimes, we all go through it. Obviously it's a rough time she may not even be aware of. Talk with her, let this be a next level in your relationship, no matter what families need family and moms need their kids too. Don't ever underestimate us moms. We have weak times as well...

Answer 3

Is she upset about something else and you are just the easy target? Job, boyfriend, not having a boyfriend? Maybe this issue with the car going to the shop triggered another issue from way back like why isn't your dad helping you or why isn't someone helping me. Asker her if everything is going ok outside of your relationship.

Having said that, you sound pretty together. It wouldn't hurt you to start thinking of getting out on your own.

Answer 4

Maybe it is time to move out, you say you are independent then if this is the case, you don't have to listen to anyone's lip, not even your Mother's, but you have to get from under her roof. If it is becoming a problem and you know your Mother has a lot on her plate, then alleviate some of that stuff on her plate be an adult and move out. God Bless.

Answer 5

Your mom is definitely bothered by something(s). I would sit down with her and find out what is really bothering her. Tell her just what you told us to see what is really going on, and address every issue fully. Mothers know how to mother, and it's hard for them to cut the apron strings. You will always be her little girl not matter how old you get. But don't let her bully you into doing something you don't feel good with. Always go by your heart on your decisions, and your mom will have to learn to let you go. Continue to show love and respect to your mom..you will be blessed if you do. The art of diplomacy and negotiating is a fine art, well worth learning :))

Answer 6

It does sound like it is time to move out. I would ask your mom what is going on, though. She may have an issue you never thought of.

Answer 7

Its called "Tough Love" your mother loves you and she only wants the best for you.

Yes, it is time that you move out on your own.

Your 21 years old in college and you work yes sweetie you can do it on your own.

Answer 8

you need to move out and start a new relationship with your mom. It is time for her to see you as an adult and not a child and as long as you live under her roof she will see you as a child.

Answer 9

It is time to move out & get on with your life.

Answer 10

Yeah it's time to move, but let things get back to normal before you do....