my boyfriend has given me a ultimatum?

Question

my bf is a dj. last time i was out with him,i got very drunk &had to be carried out the club.His manager went mad as it made him look bad, & could effect him getting booked for gigs again in the future. He said I could end up ruining his career and it was not acceptable (which is true). He said how would i like it if he came into my work and started acting stupid drunk and have to get carried out. he can not let anything so stupid effect his work-which i understand. So he has said if i want to stay with him i really have to change and behave myself when i got out with him, he says he hates asking me to change what i do but he can not stay with me if im gonna get drunk, act stupid and embarrass him. So basically i have got to stop drinkin or we have to finish. i dont know what to do as i love goin out drinking (im not a alchololic) and when he is djing and im on my own its so boring so i usually drink cos im so bored. i dont know what to do now, stop doin what i like doin or not?

Answer 1

Have you no self-control?

There is a HUGE gap between not drinking and being so drunk that you have to be carried out.

It's probably a combination of him being worried about his career and being embarrassed by your immaturity.

Answer 2

Firstly, the most important thing is that you realise that your behaviour was/is unacceptable, mainly for the reason that it is very - very dangerous for you to have to be carried out of a club for being so drunk, but well done for realising you made a mistake there, not many people would admit it.

As for the ultimatum, if you like going out/clubbing but find it boring being alone whilst he is dj-ing its best you tell him. You could say that as much as you do apologise for your recent behaviour, you find it so lonely not being with him when he's working which is why you drink because (as you said) you're so bored alone.

If you really have honest feelings for him, its best you tell him why you do it first and then take it from there, one step at a time!

I hope it all works out.

Adam.

Answer 3

I think it would be foolish to let your boyfriend go over a few drinks too many. Really think about this. There is also such a thing as drinking in moderation - ie you don't have to drink so much and get so smashed. Watch what you're doing. If you love your boyfriend and respect his career, this is what you will have to do. I understand when you're there and you know no-one, it can be boring but drinking yourself silly is not the answer. Is there no-one there who he could introduce to you while he is playing? Could you bring a mate along? There are solutions to this but you have to talk them all through with your boyfriend and show him that you mean what you say. Good luck xx

Answer 4

Isn't it obvious? If it bores you that much, just don't go when he dj's.

and you say you're not an alcoholic, but if you are getting so drunk that you pass out and need to be carried out of the place and act so stupid, then you obviously have a problem.

You don't NEED to get drunk and jeopardise the person you love's career just because you want to get wasted. That's really really selfish.

If you don't stop drinking for the above reasons, then at least stop for your HEALTH. (you don't need to stop drinking entirely, just stop binging)

You've totally lost your dignity, and your partner's respect, and there is only one way to get it back.

Answer 5

theres a big diffrence between drinking and getting drunk, if ur with him at a gig u maybe should have 2 or 3 drinks and leave it at that and just have soft drinks after that and maybe ask a friend along for u to talk to while hes djing

Answer 6

Well you can;t bame him for being upset with you, if he got in trouble over it.
I'm sure you can go out and have a few drinks but not end up plastered.
I don't think he would be asking you to give up drinking al together, but if he saw that you could go out a just have a few, enjoy yourself and not embarrass anyone, then he would be fine.
You don't need to change who you are, you can still go out on nights out with friends and get as drunk as you like, but just not when it might affect his work.

Answer 7

I can understand his point of view - if he's out working in the club it does look bad on him if you are drunk. Stop after you have had a couple of drinks. Or don't go with him when he's working go to another club with your friends. Only see him when he is not working

Answer 8

I'd be really embarrassed if I was you. Not just for making a fool of my self and having to be carried out, but also for the embarrassment of my boyfriend and causing him trouble with his manager. Chill out a bit. You don't need to get wasted to have fun. And no one likes a drunk...

Answer 9

You date a DJ?
I won't even go to bars when there is a DJ, because the ego in there is so thick with those guys, I can cut it with a knife...
Since he works in bars, (and you probably don't), I don't see it fair comparing workplace etiquette ... The typical Asian girl's response, (by the way), when boyfriends give them ultimatums is to say "OK", then consider yourself already broken up.
Because, you are not going to change, even if someone gives you an ultimatum.
"Party Etiquette", too, is an oxymoron.

Answer 10

And you think youre not an alchoholic? I would say you definately have a booze related problem. Don't you listen to anything that is said about excess drinking? Or are you so in denial that you don't think that you do drink to excess? Get a grip and change your life lady. Or you are gonna be a LUSH. And sooner than you think!!!!