Oh my... what to do?

Question

My boyfriend is going to propose to me soon. A couple months ago he asked my ring size and walked me into a jewelry store to look at rings. He said he was "on a hunt" and was open for suggestions. I tried my hardest to show him what kind of ring I want... I sent him links to websites and cut out magazine ads. I just found out through an annonymous source that his mother helped him pick out a ring for me, and she has HORRIBLE taste! Apparently the center stone is a cheap, low-quality diamond and it's everything opposite of what I hoped for. My stomach is in a knot... I don't know what to do. Somebody help???

Answer 1

Well, I'm gonna be on my own out here I guess, but why on earth did your bf bother to go 'on a hunt' and be 'open for suggestions' and then ignore all your hints and suggestions and pick a ring without you being there?

Of course an engagement ring is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but it's a big ticket, expensive item and him going out of his way to ignore your stated wishes to choose something you dislike is NOT a good sign, imo.

The fact is, when you are married WHO is going to make the big decisions about finances? Both of you, or just him after ignoring what you say?

Maybe I've got this all wrong, but after reading what you've written I am inclined to think that maybe you should say to him "How is the ring hunt going, dear, shall we pick one from your selection on Saturday", and see what he says. The engagement ring is a symbol of his desires and hopes for your future together, and if what he hopes is that you'll be satisfied with being ignored while he spends his money foolishly, it would be good to find that out *before* the wedding.

And no, I'm NOT saying you should be materialistic about love. I'm saying you should be sensible about money and spend it wisely. My husband asked me to accompany him to buy my engagement ring, and I shared major financial decisions with him, just as true partners should do.

Hmmm, I might be feeling a bit grouchy today, lol. Oh well ... you asked! Cheers :-)

Answer 2

As a retired jeweler, I have dealt with all sorts of customers for engagement rings. The choices today are amazing--but one thing still remains the same. Affordability.

I always recommended that clients go with smaller, finer stones rather than showy rings of lesser quality, but the fact remains that the recipient almost always wants to have the diamond of her dreams and if the husband to be can't provide that, then someone is going to be disappointed.

So, I have seen guys put themselves in real debt to get that special diamond, and that debt was carried into their marriage! That isn't the way for a couple to get started.

You don't know that your fiance' has chosen an inferior diamond or that his mother encouraged him to do such a thing--but the best thing to do is to ask him if he has narrowed his choices down and can you see them.

Historically, when a couple became betrothed, the man gave his lady something symbolic to state his intentions--and it wasn't a diamond--and frequently a wedding band was all that was exchanged--but it all meant the same thing. He chose her, she accepted--and they got married. And, if they were lucky, they had a good life together.

Somehow, sadly, I think that idea has gotten lost somewhere.

Answer 3

It's not the size or quality of the diamond, nor the fact that his
mother helped pick it out. What matters is that he loves you
enough to offer it as a bonding link to wanting to marry you
and begin a life of committment. Many couples trade in their
first wedding rings for a larger stone on a future anniversary
and even repeat their vows again in a special ceremony. I've
had four wedding ring sets in my 45 years of marriage. And
you can trade up too when you have more years invested.
Don't look at them as a jinx or the last set you'll ever wear. You
have the option to upgrade if you want. Nothing is set into
stone on that score. So for now, just be thrilled he's giving
you a ring period. It could be just a gold band on your wedding day. And there's nothing wrong with that either.

Answer 4

The problem is not that he and his mother picked the ring out it's that he has totally disregarded what you wanted. Is this how you want your marriage to go??? Gently tell him how you feel, don't say you dislike the ring just because his mother picked it out.

Could it possibly be a money issue? Maybe you could start out with the ring (as it is) and later you could upgrade to what you want. See if your fiance' is willing to compromise or at least listen to your rationale. It's most important to chose truth over deceit when handling this situation for this will set the tone of the beginning of your marriage.

You have the right to disagree with his mother's taste and still be accepted. Just remember to approach this subject privately between you and your fiance', then the two of you can gently explain your feelings to his mother.

You will realize that your marriage will start out at a closer bond and also, you will gain not only the respect of your husband but possibly the acceptance of his mother. If all else fails to no avail, kick momma's boy to the curb and go out and get yourself a real man.

Answer 5

Just appriciate the ring anyway. Sounds like your boyfriend has put a lot of time and effort into getting you this ring and that is all that should matter. If you complain about it then you will be and look like a spoiled brat.
Maybe on your first anniversary, you can have him get you an anniversary ring that you like.

I have a plain gold band on my finger and I love it because it represents something and that is what matters most to me, I could care less about the size or cut of a diamond.

Answer 6

Maybe your "source" is messing with you. Be glad that your future MIL helped, and hope that she was keeping your taste, and not her own in mind when she helped him. (if she was even there)
The other thing is this-I have a feeling that you are kind of spoiled. You need to realize that your boyfriend is probably nervous (and rightly so) and for you to be disappointed in the ring is probably his worst fear right now. If you really love your BF, then you will not care what the ring looks like, it will be a beautiful symbol of your relationship, and not a commentary on his mother's taste.

Answer 7

is cheap and low quality the only thing that matters to you? this is coming from his heart, and that is the only thing that should matter to you, not how much money he spends or what kind of stone you get. how shallow and superficial.....be gracious and make him think it's the greatest ring you've ever seen, and then "help" him find what you want for an anniversary present on down the road. better him than me.....

Answer 8

If you really want to marry him then the ring won't matter. Be grateful, smile and accept the proposal!!! After being married for a while, you can always get the ring you want.

Answer 9

Say yes of course
Then go shopping with him to get the wedding bands. Hmm, maybe you should get the stone reset into a matching band?

Or maybe this friendly anonymous source is pulling your chain.

If this is the biggest problem you have with your fiance and MIL-to-be then you are truly among the blessed.

Answer 10

Your getting upset to soon. If you sent him likes and pictures, hopefully he had them along when he took his mother shopping. Unless his mother doesn't like you she wouldn't pick out a ring she knew you wouldn't like.