What should I say/do?

Question

My father was killed a couple months ago, his birthday would have been today on the 15th. His and my mother's anniversary was yesterday. They are in South Carolina and im in the military stationed in Germany. What should i say or do, to maybe help mom out or just make her feel better? I dont wanna just ignore it and have her think i dont care but i dont want to make her feel worse either. They had been married almost 30 years.

Answer 1

This must be very difficult for both you and your mother. Why not send some flowers as a recognition of the recent anniversary and of your dad's death? You could include a card with an affectionate message as well, and maybe give her a call. You might find it a good idea, if you do phone her, to keep to general chat until you see how she is, and whether she brings up the subject of your dad. If she does, you can then assume she'll be okay for you to talk about him, and you could reminisce about your memories of him. If she gets upset and cries, don't worry too much. She'll appreciate being able to share memories with you, and it's only natural that she'd be upset, particularly as your dad's death was so recent. You're a very important link for her with him, don't forget, and if she sounds distressed, that's to be expected when you are talking about him. That emotion needs to be expressed, in order to enable both of you gradually to move on, never forgetting him, but able to think of him with love and gratitude as the deep pain of his loss becomes more bearable.

wimsey

Answer 2

showing her that you remembered their anniversary and the birthday of your father would surely make her feel better. i'm so sure of that. she will feel even worse if you are not going to give her a sign that you remembered them in those significant days.

Answer 3

just call and chat . am sure she is missing you.
tell her that you will take her out for a grand meal when you get back ?

Answer 4

Maybe ask her how you can make it better.