Do you know you have a favorite among your children, or do your parents openly favor you or another sibling?

Question

I don't have any children, but my mother has favored my older brother all his life, even when he didn't deserve it, (and that was most of the time). As a result he has become self centered, spoiled and arrogant. She always defends his bad behavior and makes excuses for him, ever since we were children. Myself and my younger brother have always known that he is her favorite. I just want to know if anyone else has this experience. A lot of parents wont admit favoring one child over the other, due to guilt or denial. Honest, sincere responses only. Thanx.

Answer 1

Oh, yes! My brother is 10 years younger than me. I was the elder, and a girl. My mother always favoured boys and men, and this became abundantly clear in my brother's upbringing. Whereas I was strictly disciplined, he was allowed, in some cases, to get away with all sorts of things for which I would have been strictly dealt with. My father, who would have been stricter with him, was prevented on many occasions by a withering glare from my mother, from dealing as firmly with his son as he would have liked. Fortunately for me, my father was fair and usually firm, though he was inclined to err on the side of understanding and kindness. So for me he counterbalanced my mother's indulgence of my brother and her contrasting strictness with me.

Having now brought up three children of my own, with all of whom I was pretty firm, I realise that all parents who really know their children respond differently to each child. This is perfectly understandable, and even desirable, because each is a uniquely different person. But it is wrong, unfair and damaging when the difference becomes so marked that one sibling is so evidently favoured above the other.

wimsey

Answer 2

I am the mother of two daughters who are very different in personality from one another. I can honestly say that I love them both the same, but different. The thing is, while their gifts (and challenges) are different, the level of love I have for each of them is not.

On the other hand, I grew up in one of those big families where the parents keep trying until they get their son: I have five sisters and one brother. Did my brother get things I never got? You bet he did! (We girls all call him "The Chosen One.) Perhaps because he was so much younger than I (six years), I never felt jealousy. Perhaps the differences between my brother and your brother is that I would never have described my brother as self-centered, spoiled or arrogant. He is in his mid-forties now and I actually think he has turned out quite nicely.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but if you don't mind: I think what you need to do is just accept the situation. So your mom favors your brother. This doesn't mean you are less than he is -- don't let that situation become a measure of your worth. Be who you are. If you feel your mom can't love you the way you want her too, then be deliberate in loving yourself the way you want to be loved. Write out a plan for giving yourself this loving you feel is missing. Write down the things you want to hear and say them out loud to yourself ever day!

Finally, and most importantly, make a promise to yourself to know how to love and respect and cherish your self before you go out and try to love someone else. If you don't, you will set yourself up for more hurt and abuse than you can ever imagine!

Giving you a big on line hug!

Answer 3

I love my daughters the same, one is 23 and the other will be 26 and they're both unique in their own way. I was not favored as a child with two younger siblings, my brother who was 4 years younger than me was my parents favorite, then my baby sister.
I told myself that once I got married I would not treat my kids like sh.....! They both grew up with respect for their elders and the both know I love them equally! I hope I shed abit of lit on this for you? .........You're not the only one that went through favoritism stage!!

Answer 4

I have to say that my parents don't. Although my husband I believe favors his middle child because he is in the middle and he has had alot of problems.

My mother in law has always favored my husband over his sister and they both knew it. And my father in law has done the same thing.

Mother in law favors oldest boy grandchild, father in law favors youngest little girl. So yes they do it..

But they never openly admit to it.

Answer 5

What my mother did for me was without question, Promethean. Encyclopedias. What my father did for me was somewhat more conventional. Love of sport. My sister was never my rival. Maybe they will never know how much I appreciate the respect they gave my solitary inclinations.

Answer 6

I didn't favor my kids. They were both my favorite and same way with my grandkids. I, however, was the favorite of my grandpa and grandma.

Answer 7

i am the favorit through my grandparents then my other 2 cousins...