I have a really hard question for you and I need serious advice!?

Question

My husband has a cousin that got in a really bad motorcross accident at the beginning of July. He's been in the hospital ever since. His mom hasn't been working since his accident and his dad took 3 weeks off from work to be with him. (My husband and I got married in January) The mom and dad weren't able to make it to our wedding and they sent us a card with a big check as well. I feel really bad for accepting the check because I know that insurance isn't paying for all of the hospital bills and I know a big hefty bill is coming their way, but at the same time I don't want to send it back because I don't want to hurt their feelings even though I know they need it more at this point in their lives. So what should my husband and I do with the check?

BTW-My hubby and I live in TEXAS and they live in MARYLAND! So it won't be easy to offer to do anything for them if they need it!

Answer 1

You could send them a very nice thank you note. "Thank you for the very generous check, yada yada. We missed you at our wedding, but understood why you could not make it. We were very sorry to hear of your son's accident. I am sure this is a very stressful time for you. You gave us the gift of the money to do with as we wish. What we wish, if you will let us, is to use it to help you with your mounting medical bills.''

I am sure you can think of better wording, but from what you said in your question, that is truly what you want to do with the check.

Answer 2

You said you got married in January but the cousin's accident was in July. It's a little confusing as to whether they sent you the check in January or more recently. If you haven't yet cashed the check (and it's not stale dated ... more than six months old) you could send it back to them with a note saying exactly what you said above. If this seems sort of ungracious, a more subtle way to return the generous gift is to send a gift of your own to them, something to help them through this very difficult time. It may take some thought on your part, or some help from family living closer to your aunt and uncle, to figure out what form your gift should take. You could simply pay whatever amount you would like to contribute directly to the hospital to be applied against your cousin's bill, or send gift cards from their favourite grocery store. If their son has to go through any kind of rehabilitation therapy, you could contribute a number of session fees, although this is risky without knowing exactly what their insurance will provide for. Another possibility is to enlist the help of other family members and each contribute to a collective financial gift. That way you can contribute as much as you want without them ever knowing or feeling uncomfortable about the amount. Good for you for being so considerate and thoughtful.

Answer 3

The personality of your relatives really determines what to do with the check. If they would not be offended by your returning the check, then you could enclose the check within a thank you card expressing how much you appreciate the gesture but would feel much better if they kept the money to get through this rough time and to contact you if you can assist in any way. Another option if they would be offended is to cash the check but use it for something that would help out with their situation without telling them. Utilities, groceries or a payment directly to the hospital anonymously would do the trick. You have a very kind and generous heart. Good luck.

Answer 4

Keep the wedding gift separate from what is happening with their son. Deposit it and send a thank you note. Then, help them out with some things. Order some gift certificates the grocery store for them, call the hospital and pay some money toward the hospital bill - drop them a note to let them know that you and your husband are heart-broken over the accident and want to help - notify them to make sure that $__.__ is credited on their son's hospital bill. Talk to the rest of the family and see if you can get them to help out a little bit as well.

Answer 5

You're right, tough question. How well do you know these people and would you be causing more harm than good by offering back the money. some people would be very offended and others grateful. Perhaps, before offering them the actual check back, you can talk to them first and ask if there is any way you can help them. Maybe giving of your time like in making a meal or sitting with the cousin or running errands for them, etc., would be more valuable and needed and appreciated than money.

Answer 6

How would they feel if you gave the check back to them and asked them to use it for their son's bills. Explain to them that the situation has changed and the money needs to be used for the bills right now. If they feel bad tell them "you'd do the same for me if I needed help, wouldn't you?" Hard to say no to that. Maybe when their son is better they will be able to do something for you. Good luck

Answer 7

Tell them exactly what you just wrote. You really appreciate receiving the check but you know that at this time they have more need of it to put toward insurance bills. Also tell them that when things settle down and finances aren't so tight you would be happy to accept another gift from them, but it need not be so much.
Hope that helps.

Answer 8

copy everthing you wrote in your question and e-mail it to your in-laws.

Just the fact that you are asking advice from strangers on how you can support them in a time of need will mean a great deal to them. If they need the money the will ask.

I personally would send them at least a portion of the money whether they ask or not

Answer 9

cash the check and deposit it in the account then when their bills start coming in offer to help out with that amount of money.

Answer 10

Tell them that you were thrilled with the gift and that it meant so much to you. Because they were so thoughtful of you, nothing would make you happier than to help in the recovery of their son.