my family was torn apart by the hand of my father, can you forgive such things?

Question

i mean seriously how am i supossed to forgive a man who is the cause iof my sister being anut job, my brother living in fear we none speak....and the four of us that are very close cant understand the other three that s are whack jobs, where does it end and how can i teach my kids to love with all their heart if i know my own family does not love me?while the war in our fmily goes on my father has three hots a cot in maximum security where he has no worries..is that fair?

and i do not want to hear forgive and i will be forgiven , i refuse to forgive a man who raped and beat my family, and still has enough control to destroy us 15 years later....

Answer 1

oww sweetie, there's a lot of hurt in those words. Life is rarely ever fair for any of us, but what you've been through sounds especially cruel.
So-called "forgiveness" just buries and represses the anger, sometimes only to come blasting out all at once, years later. Find a safe place to act out your rage. (I've often thought of having an empty room in my house with mattresses all over the floor!) Then later when you are feeling calm, imagine how things must have been for him when he was a child, like what were his influences and upbringing? If you can empathize with the tortured and confused child deep within him, there you might find just enough forgiveness to find a bit of healing for yourself. Repeat these steps as necessary throughout the years. Time does heal somewhat, as you learn better how to love yourself and your family.
For your children, lots of tender compassion and patient teaching, understanding and encouragement. That "spare the rod and spoil the child" stern biblical BS is very, very wrong... I learned that the hard way.
HUGZZ!!!!!!

Answer 2

If you and your family are looking for healing from all the evil that your father has done, then God is the one who you should seek. He alone can bring about healing at least among you who were hurt.

But your unforgiveness is not hurting him....you write: " while the war in our fmily goes on my father has three hots a cot in maximum security where he has no worries." But YOU have the worries and the pain. What you are doing is not helping YOU. It only fills you with anger and bad thoughts. Get rid of it through forgiveness......and then forgetfulness of him and his evil.

It takes a lot of time and effort to forgive those who have really hurt us. But if you make this you goal, God will work it in you and you will be free.

Answer 3

I know you don't want to hear that you should forgive him, but really, it's what you need to do. If you don't, these feelings are going to stay with you for the rest of your life.

You say your dad is in prison, and still controlling you. Hon, that's not possible. He's behind bars, the only control he has over you is what you are still giving him. He can't hurt you now, but these thoughts and felings that you carry--quite justifiably, I might add--are what's eating you up inside.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person. You really won't feel better until then. If you want to teach your kids to love with all their hearts, this is the first step you need to take.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

As much as it hurt I simply walked away from my family when I began my own. I was always the "outsider" anyway so they really didn't notice. I still saw them occasionally.. It seemed that all the love I had been saving all those years was finally put to use when I had my own children..I was really happy when my mom and dad divorced so that she could have a little happiness. I am glad she lived for 2 years after that and we kids got to see her bloom like a woman should

Answer 5

You forgiving your father is ultimately your choice.

I am sorry to your father did those things to you and your family. I grew up in a family where my my father and mother were both abused and continued the abuse with their children (me and my 2 siblings). It has taken me many years to forgive my father and mother and I still struggle with it today, especially if they do something wrong or act in a way that reminds me of my terrible childhood.
I forgave my parents because I realized that me forgiving them helped me to grow and heal as a person.

God bless in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

In my heart, and this is my honest opinion...some people never ever deserve forgiveness. The best of luck to you and your family, hon.

Answer 8

It's POSSIBLE to forgive him, but you'd have to make an effort to do so.

I've got a couple different stories about forgiveness. Would you like to hear them? One of them is especially personal to me, and I'd prefer not to share it here. Please feel free to email me if you'd like.

Answer 9

ik wut its like ik its hard but try and teach them but also warn them not to love when they know it will hurt unless they know that person is worth it i hate my mom for what she has to me and my sisters i hate her but i also love her as much as it hurts