mom and fiancee....HATE EACH OTHER?

Question

my fiancee cant stand my mom he says she is rude, bitchy, and inconsiterate. he feels as if she does things behind peoples back and maniplulates me into doing things against what he says. she has told me before that she thinks he is better than him but he doesnt. i want them to get along but i dont know what to do, everytime we go to their house for a family gathering or something nobody talks to him so he just sits there. he has tried being friendly, talking and spending time with them but they just do not change. he hates going to see them because he knows he will not talk to anyone without them not really talking back or just not trying to talk to him. our families are very differnet and he wants mine to be like his. they are outgoing and friendly while mine are sort of awkward with people and not the most outgoing. what can i do to make things better because as of now everytime we go there i feel weird for not knowing how to handle the situation and i know he cant stand being there

Answer 1

If you love him that is all that matters because you are now grown and no one can tell you who to be with. so if your family does not approve of him that is fine you just keep loving your family and love the one you are with. If going over there less than do so but don't drag him anywhere he is going to feel uncomfortable because that is not being fair to him so just do what makes you to happy because at the end that is all that matters.

Answer 2

I was soooo in your boat when I was young. I was engaged to marry my high school sweet heart. My mom hated him. Well actually my whole family did. I didn't see the forest for the trees..but there was a reason they all hated him. I figured it later....but since your mom seems to be the issue and not your fiance' I would suggest that you try not to put him into a position where he is uncomfortable. He is the one that you are going to marry..and if he isn't causing problems then you need to concentrate on his feelings. NOW if he is the bad guy and is causing issues between you and your family..then you unfortunately will one day see in him what your parents see
now. That is what happened to me.
I lost my family for a long time because I wanted to be with my ex soo bad that I choose wrong. But after a while I saw the true him that my family was trying to warn me about.
Having a fiance' or hubby that your family doesn't like is one of the most horrible experiences you will ever go through. But it does get better. You need to be the judge..if your mom is being unfair in how she treats him..then you in no way should make him be around her. That is so unfair to him. I would try a seperation from your family for awhile. It sounds like his family is wonderful and accepts you and loves you..maintain a sense of happiness by being around them. Your parents will or won't come around..but your husband to be needs you to be there for him right now. Parents aren't perfect and sometimes they show it in the most horrific ways. Don't punish him by making him be around them.

Answer 3

If he loves you, he's got to deal with your family too. Maybe your mom is a rude ***** but she is still your mom. Don't stress about it. These things have a way of working themselves out. You must have at least one or two cool relatives that your fiance can hang with at family functions, right? And remember these family gatherings are only 3 or 4 times a year out of 365 days. My sister is a psycho and my mom is a controlling, dramatic hypochondriac. My step dad is a bigot and my step mom is a drunk. My fiance's mom is a uncaring hypocrite and he hasn't spoken to his brother in months and they live 15 miles apart. No ones family is perfect. Your fiance's family isn't either. Don't compare the two. The two of you take your love and make your own "perfect" family. Use the actions of your family members as lessons on what not to do. Your mom has to stay out of your business. Don't ever give her any ammo because she will throw it in your faces the first chance she gets. If she asks how the relationship is you smile and say Great! Even if he pissed you off the night before. You work on your stuff together w/o interference.

Answer 4

My wife's mother was like your mother. My family did not approve of my choice of bride (We were both 25 yr old.) We married anyway. My parents haven't spoken to us in 41 yrs, Hers didn't say a civil word to me till the day they died. If we had it to do all over again, we would do the same thing. Our example is just a warning of what could happen. Grand children did not soften them, and now great grandchildren have not changed my parents. The up side of all this is that the parental opposition was part of the cement that held us together. They thought it would never last and we were sure ah heck not going to prove them right. LOL

Answer 5

I see a red flag or two here. It looks as if your mother is a controlling type person and you have chosen a controlling type man to marry! If I were you, I'd get some personal counseling before you marry. Find out why you like to be dominated and controlled. See if you can get some independence before you marry. I would also ask your family to spend time trying to get to know the man you plan to marry. And if they don't, they will lose you both (and their grand kids) in the future if you can't all get along. I'd tell your finance that your family is important to you. If he can't try to get along with them and enjoy being with them on holidays (at least every other one), then marriage is going to be very difficult for you two. Currently, your future marriage is in jeopardy.

Answer 6

Well, you've summarized this well. If they are not talking to him or being rude that's just wrong and I would be sad if my family treated anyone that way especially someone I was going to marry and cared about. They are showing some ill breeding I'm afraid and you seem like you are different from your family. If your fiancee is working on it and trying to be friendly, I would talk to your mother and ask that she kindly show him some respect. Showing him respect is showing you respect also because he is your future husband. She is also older than him and should be more mature. Good luck!

P.S. He shouldn't call her names.

Answer 7

well, sorry to say no big surprise there... Most mothers think that the person who is marring their son or daughter is good enough. You are just going to have to be drastic and sit them both down and tell them to stop acting like children... If they can't get through their feelings you are going to have a heck of a marriage..

Good luck

Answer 8

Tell both your fiance and your mother to get the sticks out of their butts and act like grown ups, not two year olds.

Answer 9

HIS problem, not yours. Don't bother trying to "fix" your entire family to "make him feel better". HE is uncomfortable because your family "is not like mine - mine is BETTER."
NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY TO DO, IT WILL NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY with YOUR family.

The SMART thing to do, is LEAVE HIM HOME when you visit your family - it's only for a short period of time, I'm sure he can deal with being away from you that long, right??

Answer 10

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