Is it wrong to sleep with my 6 yr. old?

Question

He's usually scared of something or just needs me there. I hate to make him cry before bedtime and i don't think it's a big deal. However, it's causing huge problems between me and my fiancee. We fight every time i do it. He thinks my son should sleep by himself every night. What do you all think?

Answer 1

Ok, for you jerks that said he's too big, cut the apron strings, blah, blah, blah...Do you even HAVE children? I mean, seriously, I have 5 kids and my oldest is an 11 year old boy. Just last week, he watched a scary movie at his friend's house without our knowledge and the poor little guy had the spend the night with us. Served him right for sneaking the movie, LOL. But what I'm saying is, children at ANY age need their mother's comfort at times and it is her RIGHT as his mother to give it to him whenever he needs it. He's not going to be living in your basement when he's 30 as some dunderhead suggested. That's just nonsense, ok? He's your little boy and you love him. Big deal. About the fiance' though...no ideas. Maybe you can try to get him to understand that you being a single parent causes you and the little guy to be closer than would normally happen in a so called nuclear family. I've been there too.
But my husband is actually worse than me about allowing the little ones to sleep with us when they need a cuddle. So, I suppose in 20 years, we'll have 5 grown ups camped out in our basement together, drooling and slobbering and being anti social because we "ruined" them letting them spend the night once in awhile.
Anyways, good luck.

Answer 2

I had the same issue with my 4yo daugher. Just recently we were finally able to get her to sleep in her room. She does need a bright lamp on and the tv on but at least we did some progress. We were able to do tis by offering her rewards. I placed her a little something on her night table every morning she slept in her bed. I did this everyday then every other day and now I don't even do it anymoreb/c she's so used to her room.
If you ask me, no , I don't think it's ok to sleep with your child if it is clearly affecting your relationship, but I also don't tink it's ok to make your child sleep alone 'cold turrkey'. You never know what these children see that we don't see that's terrifying them so much. Try getting him out of your bed, but very gradually

Answer 3

I think you need to break the habbit of him sleeping in your bed. It should have been done a while ago. He's a big boy and its time to have his own room. I'd read up on books that deal with this subject. And try to learn how to comfort his anxiety about being alone in his room.
It is definately time, and no wonder its causing problems with your fiance. How can the two of you be close with a 6 year old child in the middle of you every night.

Answer 4

Your son should be in his own bed every night, unless the occasional time when he is sick and you need to be there to tend to fevers or vomiting. You are causing him a great disservice by letting him sleep with you. The longer you let it go on, the harder it will get to break him of it. He is making up reasons to stay with you because he knows you will allow it. Think about how things are going to be when he gets older and you give in. If he cries and you let him come back to your bed, he is learning that if he keeps at it he will get his way. Give him one of your pillows to sleep with and tell him he is a big boy who will sleep in his own bed from here on out. Get him a night light. Reassure him that you are just down the hall (whatever the case may be) and you will see him first thing in the morning. I know it's tough but you need to get him out of your bed tonight!!!!!

Answer 5

Nothing worng with it....but he should be ab;e to sleep on his own sometimes without crying. Get control and be the parent and don't do it every night...just once in awhile. You and your fiancee need to find a middle ground and compromise. This should not be something that you are fighting about...

Answer 6

He should learn to sleep on his own - 6 is kinda old. If he comes into your room in the middle of the night, take him back to his room, lay down with him, rub his back, etc. until he falls back asleep. If he wakes up again, do the same thing again. I know this will get tiring for you, but its the best thing for his well-being. You don't want to create a situation where he is 12 years old and unable to sleep alone - that will cause social problems for him (i.e. at sleepovers, etc.)

Answer 7

I think it's alright when a child is afraid. If it has become a habit, maybe you could gradually help him sleep by himself. Nightlight, cuddle toy he picks out, new sheets, make a big deal about him becoming a big boy. Alternate nights you sleep with him. One night yes, one night no. Then two nights no, then three nights, then just on weekends, like a slumber party & then finally, not at all.

Answer 8

It is not wrong. I have 6 yr old twins and my Husband and I have practiced co-parenting for all of their lives. My Boys go to bed in their own beds but when the wake up at night (if they do) then we welcome them into our bed.

America is one of the very few countries/cultures that has its children sleep alone. It is very common to have children sleep w/ parents. Other counteries see this as mean and unjust.

Here is part of an article....
"Differences in attitude toward sleep in general were equally clear between the two cultures. American parents used lullabies, stories, special clothing, bathing, and toys to ritualize the sleep experience, whereas Mayan parents simply let their babies fall asleep when they did, with no folderol. When the researcher explained to the Mayan mother how babies were put to bed in the US, they were shocked and highly disapproving, and expressed pity for the American babies who had to sleep alone. They saw their own sleep arrangements as part of a larger commitment to their children, a commitment in which practical consideration plays no part. It did not matter to them if there was no privacy, or if the baby squirmed at night - closeness at night between mother and baby was seen as part of what all parents do for their children."

Answer 9

I kind of understand where your fiancee is coming from, but O couldn't leave a little one crying either. You need to change your bedtime routine for the little one,. I guess.

Answer 10

Your fiancee is right. Your going to have to learn that your son is going to have to grow up. Then what happens 10 years later...he's still sleeping with you. Then he's going to think that he gets whatever he wants every time you say yes to letting him sleep with you. Your jeopardizing you relationship with your fiancee, and you dont need your marriage to come to an end over this. Try some parenting websites that might help you.

This is just my opinion. Good Luck!