My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and he never wants to take me out, he says he's tired ...

Question

becuase of work but I feel like he's embarrassed of me. He both are 28 is that normal?

You all have been great, thank you. The reason I feel he is embarrassed of me cuz I feel the I put on about 30 pounds and I feel soooo fat. When we first dated I was 115. He says no he's not embarrased of me that he likes me with the weight but I still feel blahhhh. He works 40 hours a week and I understand friday nights he wants to stay home but Saturdays sometimes I like to go out. Oh yeah he's anti social and I'm a social butterfly. Hope this all helps.

See i've even tried the sexy cloths always getting dolled up for him even if its just to stay home and nothing seems to do the job.
I do go out with my friends and when I do he gets mad at me for going out and not staying at home with him and I do invite him and he always says no. Soooo I donno. You guys really helped me out sooooooo much.

lol as I read at all wonderful and helpful comments you all leave i add on. I do have a low self esteem even though I do get compliments from others but i don't feel good about myself. Anywho, he's an x-ray tech so he is on his feet majority of the day.
He enjoys staying home & watching movies. Me on the other hand just taking me to the mall I'm happy. I don't need to be at a bar or a club to have a good time.
With his friends, when they want to go out he will go out with them to sports bars to watch the games.
When I invite him to go eat or go to the sports bars, I hear oh later I'm tired or next time. So I don't ***** I say ok maybe next time he will take me out.

Answer 1

After reading all this, my opinion (based on my own experience with a similar man) is that he has become complacent with you. It will never get better if you don't make him change. He took you out at the beginning of the relationship a lot, but now that he's won you over, he just wants what HE wants: to stay home and watch tv. It is a lazy instinct a lot of men will resort to if the women in their lives let them. Do what you can to fight this now. Otherwise it will only become a more entrenched routine. Why should YOU always be the one to compromise? Yes, he might be tired, but almost EVERYONE works a 40 work week. If you aren't able to show him he needs to set a priority in YOU as well as his 40 hour work week....Don't marry this person unless you want to spend Saturday nights either watching tv with your husband or going out dateless with your friends. Because that's what it will boil down to. Ideally, a husband and wife would be more on the same page than that.

Answer 2

After dating for 3 years, he could at least come up with a better line to use.Nobody is tired 24/7 all year round no matter the job they do.Every body gets a day off and vacation time so I don't buy his explanation.I believe it is more of:1)he thinks you are not beautiful enough2) he thinks you don't have a good enough figure3) he has other girlfriend(s) who he is afraid will see you 4)he does not want his guy friends to know he is dating a woman like you5)he is ashamed of your academic background6) he no longer loves you 7) all of the above.I will advise you to sit him down and ask him for an explanation---and don't accept the tired response.Keep pressing until you get the truth.If the truth is what you already suspect and believe,then as painful and heart-wrenching as it may be for you, you have to consider ending the relationship.You need and want a man who is proud of you the way he met you, fell in love with you ,and started the romance with you.You deserve nothing less especially after 3 years of being together. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.P/SI had already posted the above when I read your additional details.I still feel strongly about all I wrote perhaps more so after all you did to change his mind-set.I think now you need to start thinking seriously about ending it in spite of any feelings you have for him.

Answer 3

If you feel so strongly about your decision not to live together, be firm and don't let him convince you otherwise. Let him know how you feel/view marriage and if he loves you enough, he will respect your point of view and decision on this issue. For some reason, I keep thinking of that old saying: "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?". A lot of guys get way too comfortable after living together for awhile and they will find every excuse not to step up to the plate and marry the woman, simply because they don't have to - they already got what they wanted.

Answer 4

No, it's not normal. It sounds like the 2 of you just have very different personalities when it comes to being social. Going out isn't the MOST important thing in a r'ship but it is a factor than can lead to arguments. If 1 person is a very social person who enjoys going out on the weekend and 1 person is a couch potato who just likes staying in, then of course there will be problems. That's why it's important to find a balance and find someone who enjoys the same things as you.

And hey - don't rely on your man!!! Go out with your girlfriends!!! Leave his a s s sitting at home. It's his choice if he wants to spend his life on the couch watching life pass him by but that doesn't have to be YOU. Believe me, when he sees you going out w/ your girlfriends, he'll start to get the hint that HE needs to take you out!!!

Answer 5

It's normal to be tired if he works a hard physical job, but not ALL the time - maybe he needs to see a doctor. It's NOT normal for you to ASSUME he is lying, and his real reason is he is embarrassed to be seen with you.

You suffer from low self-esteem which is your problem, not his, to get help dealing with. There are a million self-help books written dealing with this - spend your nights READING and improving yourself - - I'll bet in a few months, with your NEW confidence, guys will be calling asking you out all the time!!

Answer 6

Ok, I have sympathy for you. Every couple should go out every blue moon. You are both only 28 and he can't possibly be that tired to bring you out every now and then. Now the fact that you feel he may be embarrassed of you, I would work on your self-confidence, but on the other hand, I can see why you would think that. I have felt the same way before. I think if you plan something yourself, he would be more willing to go.

Answer 7

Normally this sort of behavior is caused by marriage, and after three years he might be feeling married. You should offer to take him to determine if it's a marriage or money thing. If he jumps at the chance to have you pick up the tab, it's money, and you can continue to love him a little longer, but resent him at the same time for being such a cheapskate.

"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage..."
Ambrose Bierce from the The Devil's Dictionary

Answer 8

If your B/F works in the heat it's very possible he's tired as the body uses a lot of energy to fight off the elements of heat and cold. He may very well be tired. Life isn't always about fun and games.

Just remember you can go out with your friends if you must and even divorce him, BUT whens it's all over your friends aren't going to be there to help you with your bills.

And I would be mad at you too if you couldn't understand.

Answer 9

It sounds pretty normal. You guys are pretty much like a married couple and sometimes you just get comfortable in your routine.......we don't go out anymore either - and then some of the times that we do I wish we would've just stayed home. I doubt he's embarrassed of you - just complacent where he's at.

If he doesn't want to go out and you still have that urge, why not see if he minds if you go out with a few of your friends.

You gotta live while you're alive!! Ü

Answer 10

It depends, what type of job does he have and are you asking him to take you out or hinting around at the subject. If he works a stressful job and you are asking him as soon as he gets home, he may just need time to relax. If you are hinting around and he says that he is just too tired, try asking him out, but plan it for a week or two away, giving him time.