Did you ever serve alongside any idiots in the military?

Question

If you've served in the US military I'm sure you know that there's no shortage of dumb people.

Once my battalion XO said "Every now and then I get a soldier that makes me wonder 'What the hell was the recruiter thinking?'"

We once had one guy get wasted, and he was a newbie at alcohol. He blacked out, jumped out his second floor window of his barracks. He didn't know what happened until he woke up in the hospital.

In Korea, three guys in my battery were on a public subway, and for some odd reason, one pulled his manhood out of his pants while another one took pictures of it. (These guys were both straight and completey sober.)

We had a drill sergeant in AIT, who decided it was okay to sleep with female recruits. He would have gotten away with it until he got one pregnant.

Another guy got hammered and got caught by the MP's trying to take a dump by the post gate.

That's just a few, but you got any stories similiar to these?

And another guy who came up hot for cocaine. At first they were gonna go easy on him and just chapter him. However, while he was waiting to be put out, he camue up hot AGAIN. This time he went to jail.

Answer 1

Okay, I got one!! When I was stationed on Okinawa (Marines) we had a guy in the platoon who would do anything you dared him too, and he was especially brave if there was money and/or alcohol involved. One night we were all sitting around the barracks getting hammered (typical weekend) and someone dared him to make a lap around the outside of our building with nothing on but his birthday suit. Not surprisingly money was thrown in for incentive and off came his clothes, he ran out the door as naked as the day he was born to make his lap around the building and collect his reward. Little did he know we locked the door on him as soon as he was out of sight (along with the rest of the doors in the barracks), when he came back around he couldn't get in so he ran to the next door, this is where the real fun started. While he was running to the next door an MP patrol pulled into our barracks parking lot and observed him streaking around the barracks trying to get in, they must have called for back-up right away because by the time it was said and done he was being chased by no less than ten MPs. He was ducking and weaving around all these MPs, it looked like they were trying to catch a greased pig. They finally managed to catch him after about twenty minutes and take him to our Duty Officer, who signed for his release while trying to contain his laughter (he was a cool officer that was familiar with this guys antics). That little incident ended our drinking in the barracks for a month but watching ten MPs attempt to catch a drunk, 5' 4" 150 lb. naked guy who didn't want to be caught was worth it.

Answer 2

Oh yeah we have a girl in my unit now that was at the range for 9 mil and she shot herself in the foot
Another guy in our unit decided to borrow someones motorcycle without havin a licence and without wearing the proper safety equipment and ended up wrecking it
another guy pissed hot for weed and try to blame it on his wife putting it in his hamburger
we had a female soldier that worked at the jail sleepin with inmates
Two soldiers in an mp unit pissed hot for cocaine
also there were two soldier in a gang and had weapons in their barracks and they were posting there pics all over myspace for the whole army to see
There was a guy in another unit that didnt think anyone would see his myspace so he came out of the closet on it lol
oh and then there was this soldier who stole some licence tags and put them on his car and then decided to go 58 in a 40 zone cuz he didnt want to be late for extra duty haha
Dang there are so many more but so little space haha

Answer 3

* While at Soto Cano Honduras, three of my soldiers thought it would be a hoot to take one of the little golf carts for a joyride. Not only was this theft, they decided to steal the base Chaplain's cart. Smooth move fellas.
* One of my Joes told me he had to go to court for a traffic violation. I had to accompany him according to Company policy. Imagine my surprise when the "traffic violation" turned out to be grand theft auto, and he got three years in prison right there.
* My barracks neighbors thought it would be a laugh to have a fire extinguisher fight in the barracks. Nice, like the First Sergeant won't notice THAT in the morning.
*In Korea, three of our counterintel guys, guys who should know better, were late from curfew that night. So they told the gate guards that some arab looking guys in turbans jumped them. The entire division was almost called up to alert because of this (this was about a year after 9/11).
*Also in Korea, and also another counterintel agent, decides to go bar hopping at some off limits areas. When caught by the MPs, he swore he was a canadian civilian, despite his lack of passport, canadian ID, or most importantly any accent.

Oh, I got a thumbs down. Must be one of the guys I'm talking about.

Answer 4

I was the idiot. I had no clue what was going on the first 18 monthes of my enlistment in the Navy. By the end of the second year in, I had finally gotten a clue and figured things out. I wish I never enlisted. Much of It I contribute to being immature and being a slow learner.
Also, VERY poor examples, poor Senior and middle-enlisted not giving me any direction also contributed to it.
Here is what happened in my division in the first year on board:

The Suppo seemed to be more punitive orientated than actually giving us any direction or leadership.
1st LPO - Had emotional issues, kicked off the boat
1st ALPO - Went UA for a week
2nd ALPO - Popped for Marijuana
3rd ALPO - Was on a power trip!

Answer 5

Unfortunately there is no "common sense" category on the ASVAB. AIT, we had a kid go AWOL one week before he was going to be discharged. One guy while I was on Brigade Staff Duty left a suicide note for his roommate to find then took a rifle and menaced some cops in a nearby town and tried to get them to kill him- suicide by cop, he just got arrested instead.

Answer 6

a boot marine ( guess about 6 months out of C school ), at Cherry Point we could use our POVs to drive to and from the armory and range.

waiting in the turn in line can take quite awhile, was a hot day so he decided to go to his house get a drink, the dip$hit fell asleep...had to shut down the front gate for missing weapon.
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MP feel asleep one time on patrol, drove his van into an aircraft on the flight line.
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Our Sgt Maj got mad at my friend, he had failed room inspection twice in a row and one day during working hours played his stereo extremely loud ( the Sgt Maj office was right by our bks ) the Sgt Maj made him sleep in a tent on the lawn for a week.
as paybacks my friend went to several random phones on base ( IE bks duty phone ) and set the phones to forward all the calls to the Sgt Maj's office...that was hysterical

Answer 7

Yes, I did. I went to boot camp with a guy who could not tell left from right, so the RDCs painted L and R on his boots.

However, I once met a college student who did not know how to change a tire on his car.

And I once worked for a high school superintendent who did not know how many people were in the US Senate or the number of houses in the state legislature.

Answer 8

At the 10th MTN DIV there's a company my buddy was in with a polar bear statue out front. It wasn't unheard of for members of rival companys to leave a steaming deuce on top of the bears swatting paw in the middle of the night.

Answer 9

OH YEAH...10 yrs and got busted twice..one time in turkey...i got drunk (go figure)...got what i thought was a long cab ride back to the ship...my next step..i beat up the CAB..the cabby then reported me...oh well..another time..in puorto rico i got drunk again (again go figure) once i got back to the ship i walked up the ladder right pass the duty officer...he yelled ''halt'' and i flipped him off..busted again..oh well...beam me up scottie

Answer 10

I was doing guard duty in Boot camp back in 1969. (Do they still call it Boot Camp?) My Partner and I were walking back and forth making sure the area was secure. (From what I'm not sure.) My partner had an unlit cigarette in his mouth and the on duty Sgt caught him. The Sgt said "I'm writing you up for smoking while in uniform and while on Guard duty". My partner (Sounding like a man from the hills of Kentucky) said "Sir! You can't write me up for smoking!" Sgt Said "Yes I can!! You have a cigarette in your mouth!"...My Partner said "Sir! I have my a** in my pants but I'm not crapping am I?" (Now, one must remember my partner had an unlit cigarette in his mouth and was charged with smoking) The Sgt looked at us for a second then gave us a salute and said "Carry On!". That!! Is one night I will always remember in Boot Camp.