Why do I still have such hatred towards him?

Question

My now ex bf broke up with me about 6 mos ago after a 3 year relationship, but I still have such anger towards him! I feel like (I know) he took advantage of me the whole time and just decided it was over when he had no use for me anymore.

I feel like its about time for me to let this go...Why is it no matter how much I move on I am still having a hard time with this anger? Am I just not over him yet?

Answer 1

Pray to God for help with forgiveness. Forgiving some one else doesn't justify or excuse their wrong treatment of you. What it does is set you free of the strong emotional tie to that person.

Hatred is like an acid that burns the container that carries it. You're suffering with hatred and hurt, which only hurts you more, and it doesn't change what happened.

Joyce Meyer has some great teachings on forgiveness. She's on t.v. and radio.
http://www.joycemeyer.org/

One way to move on is through lots of prayer. Pray for yourself; ask God to redeem the situation for good results in the end. Have faith that God can take your ashes and restore them to beauty, if you hand the situation over to Him.

Pray for your ex-boyfriend. I know this is really hard, because you'd rather curse him. But that won't set you free. This is about your freedom. Pray for God to bring good things into his life. Ask God to help him change in ways that he can have good relationships and not hurt or use people anymore. Pray that God will bless him to be happy.

The reason you're doing this? Because praying like that helps YOUR heart get set free. It helps you in the process of forgiveness. I know it's hard, but continuing to hate and hurt takes longer and hurts worse. You can do it.

Answer 2

It will just take time. You can't force yourself to let go, no matter how hard you try. I'm sorry you're so angry. I identify with you. For me in the past, it's taken a new relationship to get over the old. This may not be the case for you. Keep trying to move on. Sometimes things take a long time to heal, and some things may never quite heal entirely. People do some pretty terrible stuff to each other, and some things are unforgivable, even if you've "forgiven" the person. It's possible to move on without ever really getting over the anger, but chances are with time and with moving on you'll start to forget about it. just don't lose the lesson you learned with him. It's only been 6 months. (I know this seems like forever). Hang in there.

Answer 3

You have such hatred because you were used, & nobody likes that. After spending that long a time with someone, it's like being told that all that time was wasted, & everything you felt, everything you did, didn't matter. Just give yourself time. You will never forget what happened, but you will get over it & learn from it. One day, you will meet someone who will place a very high value on you & what you have together. AND you can console yourself right now with the fact that your ex just lost the best thing that ever happened to him - YOU! Blessings

Answer 4

It takes time to get over relationships, especially one that was as long as yours...Try not to think about him, go out with your close friends and just have fun. I think you should avoid him at all costs for a while, until you get over him. These things take a while sometimes, but it will make you a lot stronger in the long run and you will feel so much better once you get over him. Trust me. We all go through something like this at least once in our lives and it is a good thing.

Answer 5

I believe the hate you describe comes from envy, ego, fear, feelings of inadequacy, ignorance. Take your pick. As for the popularity of jocks, it's a cultural thing. In this country athletes and other celebs are gods to a lot of people. Shoot, if you're a celeb you can commit murder, rape, assault. Get busted with an ounce of coke, drive drunk, abuse your wife and kids,stalk someone, be a pedophile, or just about anything and you'll at least get a lighter sentence or probation whereas we would get the max. This isn't always true, but it happens on a regular basis. It's all about priorities and ethics from where I sit. Our kids see and hear this and it becomes part of their personality. Looking at the behavoir, beliefs, priorities, morals and ethics of any societal group's younger generation speaks volumes about said society and where it's headed. And frankly it scares the crap out of me. Please don't misunderstand. I love our youth. But you cannot escape the fact that this society is in a serious moral crisis. The family unit is all but destroyed and, after all is said and done, isn't that where our youngest citizens learn eveything they need to be loving, compassionate, and productive members of society? It's not too late to fix it, but we better quit depending on our schools to raise them and the govenment to fix everything else. It's time for all of us to stand up and take responsibility for creating, and fixing, this mess. WE created it with apathy and a sense of entitlement. I hope all of you young people will be an agent of change. It would be of great help if all you young people would get out and make your voices heard and ROCK THE VOTE!!!!!!! Remember that I told you one thing. You will determine what kind of society your children have to deal with. You are the future. God bless and good luck to all of you.

Answer 6

Some people take "dumping" personally. I know that I preferred to be dumped in most occasions, so I didn't have to do the dirty work of breaking up. But there was a time I didn't want to be dumped, and it happened anyway. It took a long time to let it go. I had silly beliefs in my head about how ideal the relationship was, and how great it could be, if only she'd come to her senses. Once I accepted that she wasn't coming to her senses, I set out to destroy any aspect of "special" from the relationship...duplicating things (places, activities) with completely irrelevent people. Once it was completely deconstructed, I was able to move on and start out fresh.

Answer 7

3 year relationship
and it ended only 6 mo. ago ?
What are you thinking?
It hasn't even been a year yet!
If you are frustrated in your progress of grief and recovery,
Work it through with a Counselor or go to your local book store, looking in "self help" for a divorce recovery workbook.

If you "move on" before you've processes adequately, you'll place yourself at risk of finding another guy who will do the same thing. Repeating your mistakes.

Answer 8

I think you are not over the desire to get revenge. Try to look at the things you did right in the relationship and also the things you did not do so well. You will be much more prepared for a better relationship in the future.

Answer 9

He hurt you the whole time you were together, and he probably hurt you when he broke up. And while wanting to kick him out of the space he takes up in your head is one thing, actually doing it is much harder. I know from experience that getting over someone who's hurt you badly is tough.

Remind yourself that you deserve better than this guy. You deserve someone who isn't going to take advantage of you. If you find yourself thinking of him, visualize yourself kicking him out of your head.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You obviously are getting more out of maintaining the anger than letting go of it. It could also be a subliminal way of preventing you from entering into a new relationship.