Here are some examples.1.When its time to bring him home to his moms house he never wants to go and beggs to stay longer.Now i have him 50% of the time and there are no "problems" at his moms house(shes a great mom and plays with him as much as i do) 2.If i go see him at 1 of his sports games(on his moms day to have him) hes very clingy to me and does not want me to go(hes not like this with his mom) We have been divorced since he was a baby so this situation is not new to him.Now his mom and i NEVER fight/argue infront of him but there is "tension" between us(long story)When i talk to her(ex) i keep it short and simple never laughing/joking with her or chatting about other things than our son.But what divorce people do joke and chat with their ex.But could our son now that hes getting older pick-up on this?Or could it just be he wants to be with dad now that hes older? I would like to hear from other divorced parents on what they think it could be.
2007-08-14 10:28:48 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
All children go through this.... its very hard for them to leave you , then leave their mom... It goes back and forth... he is 7 and thats a very hard age... My granddaughter went through it when I left her grandpa..... she was with us everyday.... then I moved out and she felt abandoned, even though she still had her grandpa.... kids have a feeling that you will never come back....... even though you do........... you have to keep reassuring him that you will be back...and your ex needs to do the same......... that you will be there to pick him.up .. you wont forget him........
2007-08-14 10:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about hearing from a child of divorce? I was the quinticiential "Tomboy". I liked cars, climbing trees, playing soccer, hiking, fishing. These are things my Dad did, but Mom was far "too good" for that. Naturally I got on better with him, even though I was a girl.
At seven, your son is looking for someone toemulate. It's the role he will play when it's his turn. Maybe he just needs reassurance, or even more time with you. If Mom and Dad agree, maybe he should be with you for longer times.
As far as him picking up on the tension between you and your wife, HECK YEAH!!!!. He gets it, way more than you ever want to know. You say she's a great Mom, so the two of you need to "git over it" for your son. Your time is done but his is right now. Make the effort ot get along,..... not the chilly exchange of kid. Talk about something neat that he did,...... right in front of him, (yes with HER) and smile like you mean it! He's going to see that he is still the center of his family. It will give him security and safety.
A little footnote, the kid always hopes the parents will "grow up" and get back together. They want the "whole" family. Ask him what's on his mind, ...he has one. Kids think a lot more than adults sometimes but can't translate well. Be prepared if he decides to blast you both for not sticking it out for him. It's not just "your divorce," your son had NO CHOICE, NO SAY, it's his divorce and he doesn't want this for his family.
Also friends are probably saying things as well. IE.....why don't your Dad and Mom together. Don't they love you? I can't tell you how that hurt me! Hope this helps you out!!!
2007-08-14 11:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by sanctuary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son probably wants to spend more time with you. He could be picking upon the no-jokes thing. You've been divorced since he was a baby, so he is probably upset his daddy isn't around 100% like some other kids. After all, he is a boy. He is more opt to be a daddy's boy than a mommy's boy. If you're not already doing this, maybe you should call him every day and talk with him on the phone for at least 10-15 minutes.
2007-08-14 10:38:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are tough, and will go through different cycles as they age. 7-yrs can be tough, he's starting to separate a bit from his mom as he goes to school, but may not quite feel ready for it. That may make him a bit clingy in general. (My 7-yr old has this problem)
It sounds like your son loves you, and perhaps has noticed that some kids have dad around all the time. I'm sure he'd love to have that as well, no matter how much he loves his mom. What he's doing is very natural for divorced sons. What you can do to help is mainly to be a "normal" dad - don't be "disney dad", that is, don't do special things everytime you see him. Make sure you spend time doing homework, going grocery shopping with him. Keep normal bedtimes. Make sure being with dad isn't a vacation every time.
And work on your relationship with your ex. You don't have to love her, but you have to deal with this woman for a long time to come. Treat her more like a second cousin - be polite, laugh at some jokes, share the occasional dinner (like pizza after he wins a game). Your son can definitely pick up on the tension there, and it will eventually lead to some questions you don't want to answer.
Most of all...good for you, for being there! Too many dads bow out after divorce, and that hurts their kids so much.
2007-08-14 10:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by physicsmom04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was the custody like before you got 50% of the time? Did you have a lower percentage of custody? That could be one example of why he's being "overly" clingy. Realize that at this developmental stage in his life he needs rolemodels and more specifically a good male role model. Take the clingy-ness as a compliment and do your best to keep the tension between you and his mom to a minimum. After all you are both after the same goal now, to teach and mentor your son to reach his fullest potential. The sooner you two start treating each other as ally's the easier it will be. Don't get me wrong you guys had problems together but now you have to work together for your son, that's it period. Good Luck!
2007-08-14 10:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by jay k 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as though your son is acutely aware of what is happening with his parents and is constantly worried that one or both of you are going to go away and never come back. Maybe his friends at school talk about mum and dad "being together" and he doesn't understand what is going on with his family. He is at that inquisitive stage where he is noticing everything going on around him and he wants to know why things happen. Sitting him down and explaining a few things to him may help. Be completely honest with him and make him feel that he can ask you absolutely anything but, most importantly, make sure he knows that although mum and dad don't love each other, you both love him more than anything or anyone else in the whole wide world and that you will both ALWAYS be there for him though not together. It"s amazing how resilient kids can be providing they know the facts and feel secure about them. Good Luck xxx
2007-08-14 10:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a divorced parent but my brother is. He has a 7yr old boy to. His son finds it so hard, he loves both of them the same and i think from what he has said to me that sometimes he feels he has to choose between them as the custody is half and half. Because divorce is so unnatural to human life, of course he is going to be feeling awful! He wants his mum and dad under one roof loving each other and him like everyone else! So maybe the fact that you and his mum are slightly short with one another does affect him. Sons do need there dad, and they need stability. You know what I would do? I would talk to him about it instead of guessing. He is the only one that can help you really. Maybe you and your ex could sit down and talk to him, seperatly and then together?
Hope this helps a lil
take care :)
2007-08-18 09:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can speak from experience, the better you and your ex get along, the better off your son will be. (My ex and I don't speak) and my daughter, now 21, still has hard feelings about the whole thing...we divorced when she was 5. I would suggest you talk to your ex about his behavior. Have you compared notes? Have you specifically asked her if he's like that with her? I know you said 50%, but does he spend more time with her? Maybe someone (possibly one of his friends) has said something along the lines that you might fade out of the picture, even though I'm sure you wouldn't. He needs reassurance and love. Also, have you tried talking to him about it? Who knows what's been said to him. And no matter how you feel about her, don't share your feelings about your ex with him. Good luck.
2007-08-14 10:41:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has come to a time in his life where he needs his dad more. Not that he doesn't need his mom any less. Is there any way at all to spend more time with him until he is through this stage? Perhaps you can spend more time with him AND his mom (eating out, at the park, movies, etc.) if she is reluctant or unable to give you more time alone with him.
Do you have any father-son activities on a regular schedule? Weekly baseball toss, monthly father-son team sports day, something sort of set-in-stone that he can rely on and anticipate? That may do wonders.
Best of luck to you all.
2007-08-14 10:39:15 · answer #9 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does Mom have him for school, Dr appts., homework, bedtimes, eat your veggies, brush your teeth..you know the everyday blah blah. And maybe you have him on weekends and things are a bit on the relaxed,fun side of lifes issues. Itsjust a guess because even tho your question was stated very well more details would be easier for me to comment on. About the tension between you and his Mom is most definitly noticeable but like you said hes used to it andunderstands or will understand that he has to separate families so your relationship with his mom will have no bearing on weather he likes her..oh and I dont think he dislikes her of course. Its mood connected with her and being "home" with her. The everyday stuff. Good Luck.
2007-08-14 10:38:05 · answer #10 · answered by sharonsmineonly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, but divorced people don't always have to hate each other. My mom is on very friendly terms with her ex-husband. (Not my dad) They're good friends, he just wasn't someone she wanted to spend her life with.
It might be easier for your son if you tried being his mother's friend, or at least when he was around. Also, you're a guy, he's a guy-kids aren't supid. They see something in commnon.
Does his mother have a new boyfriend/husband? Do you have a new girlfriend/wife? That might provide some answers.
2007-08-14 10:36:31 · answer #11 · answered by Echo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋