TOP TIPS top tips?

Question

Music Lovers:
Don't waste money on expensive ipods.
Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it.

If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Cinema goers:
Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p!ss before the film starts.

Rappers:
Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.


Don't waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen.
Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

Burglars:
When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

Employers:
Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin

Blind People:
Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

Alcohol makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

Drivers:
If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically.

This should help the car start and send them on their way.


Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed.

In the morning, simply move it all back again.


Car thieves:

Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view.
All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.


Depressed people:
Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

Jeremy Beadle:
When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

Single men:

Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.


Boil an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.

After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.


Alcoholics:

don't worry where the next drink is coming from.

Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.



McDonalds:

Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

Answer 1

Rappers:
Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
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Hahahaha! Really funny, that one especially made me laugh.

Answer 2

gays avoid homophobia by going into pubs and talk about football and todays page 3 bird instead of banging on about flower arranging.
Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Answer 3

Spray some hair conditioner on the body brush and get it all over your horse that's the shine you're looking for and for nice hooves do a moisturizing face mask and then put some moisturizer on them then just put on the oil on the show day and don't use any dressing=)

Answer 4

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons
because you are crunchy & taste good with ketchup




top tip "don't eat yellow snow"

Answer 5

bloody great cheers
you learn something new everyday

Answer 6

some good advice babe!xx

Answer 7

hahahahahaha

Answer 8

How thoughtful of you!! lol

Answer 9

lollll

Answer 10

Ha ha ha.!!!
Very good ones.!!!