How do you tell your partner they are not good in bed?

Question

i love my girlfriend but somethings she does in bed are well they range from unpleasant to down right painful.
Whats the best way to tell her without hurting her too much or better yet at all

Answer 1

Don't tell her she's bad...just show her things you'd prefer she do. It's okay to tell your partner you don't like it when they do "x" but don't slam her completely.

People don't get together and automatically know what one another likes...perhaps some of the things she does, that you don't like, were popular with a previous lover.

COMMUNICATE

Answer 2

Don't leave her in the dark! Then when you eventually break the news to her it'll be that much harder for her to hear. Honesty is the best policy in the bedroom, sex is supposed to be an enjoyable thing. No stress.

When she's doing something unpleasant or painful try to ease her to maybe experiment with something different - that is if you're uncomfortable with coming right out with it and telling her it's not something you particularly enjoy. Rather than saying I don't like that, tell her what she could do differently so that you would enjoy it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I know if something hurts, I say so; there's no reason not to yelp "ow!" if it's hurting you. Also, some things that you don't like you could guide her into doing better; if you want her hands to do something different or be somewhere different, for example, put yours over them and guide her.

Probably she's not sure if she's doing things right, and while confronting her directly might hurt her feelings or make her feel insecure, she'd likely appreciate gentle guidance to make things better.

You could also do this verbally if it's not something you can just subtlely guide her into--if you don't like something she does, rather than just saying, "I really don't like it when you do ______" instead suggest something else--ask her to do something else instead, or ask for her to do it a different way. This way you are less likely to upset her because you're not telling her she's doing anything wrong, you're just asking to try something differently.

Answer 4

Let her know in the nicest way possible. She may think that she is doing nothing wrong. Show her what you like. . .you have the right to be happy in bed too. Her feelings may be hurt in the beginning, she may even be a little embarrassed, but you'll both be happier in the long run.

Answer 5

Tough one I had a similar problem. Go in prepared with a lot of compliments of what she does do well so it doesn't sound like you're picking on her. Ask for feedback on yourself too and don't get defensive about her answers. Tell her you want to have the conversation so you two can feel closer together and keep a positive spin on the conversation.

Answer 6

You could start by asking her what she likes and doesnt like. Like when you guys are in bed and doing your thing, ask her if she likes it and ask her what she wants you to do to her next. Talk dirty in bed together so that you end up just doing what you both like. That way your not really bringing up the topic.

Answer 7

You need to tell her flat out. How else will she learn?

When I was first "starting out" my boyfriends had to tell me what I was doing wrong and it totally helped me, not hurt me. I appreciated that, because the last thing I would want to know is that all the time I thought I was doing great in bed I was causing my partner pain (in a bad way). That's super embarassing!

Answer 8

Just give her more direction, don't be overly critical
praise the things she does right and say i like it when...
or could you do it like this... perhaps you need to be more open, have a chat without hurting her feelings

Answer 9

When something she does is hurtful you shopuld just give her suggestions on what to do or talk dirty to her and tell her how you want it done. Just sneak it in someway and if all else fails just tell her but do it very nicely because it will definately hurt her ego.

Answer 10

Definitely not when you are already in bed. It would be best to question her about her wants and needs and work your way into the subject.