Should I dump my fiancee?

Question

We're supposed to get married on October 21, 2007. We didn't send out the invatations yet though. A few days ago, my cousin came over and I hadn't seen him in 5 years so I was so happy to see him. I hugged him and then my fiancee showed up and he assumed I was cheating on him. He never saw my cousin before but he didn't even talk to me!! I keep thinking about what if we're married and he assumes I'm cheating on him with another person which I'd never do!!!! I know how it feels because my dad cheated on my mom and I saw her in pain all the time. I know it's wrong but he thinks I'm cheating! I've tried calling and he didn't pick up. I tried going to his house but he wasn't home. I'm really confused. It's making me so sad and I keep crying. Should I dump him?

If I caught him hugging another girl I would talk to him or call him but I wouldn't ignore him.

Answer 1

Think of a situation reversed: you walk into a room and see him hugging some other woman you never saw before. Your thoughts and actions?
Before rushing to conclusions and dumping the guy you consider to be in serious relationship with, why not give your relationship a little more time. Observe and then decide. I know you feel pressure to decide soon, because the wedding is planned. But the wedding itself is not as important as your life. If you have to, tell your parents you're not ready and postpone it.
Sounds like he's confused too: he's not picking up the phone and he isn't home. Stop acting like a guilty party. But don't be dismissive of his feelings either. You unintentionally hurt him, now he's hurting you by his suspicions. Give him time to cool off, don't get all mad yourself. Keep trying to reach him, but don't make 30 calls per hour.
*****
After your edit:

That means you know that communication is the key. He apparently doesn't. He's being passive-agressive instead, and that's hard to deal with. But what I was getting at - he had all the reasons to get upset initially. (It doesn't mean it's a good reason to stay upset and not talk to you.)

Answer 2

Kylie -

The question really isn't "should you dump him" the real question is should you get married to each other at this point in your life.

The two of you may be getting really nervous because you both sense it's not going to work in the long run, but since you've generally announced your wedding, you're also really nervous about canceling it.

If you two can't communicate about this issue than getting married is ill advised. I wouldn't say that just because you two aren't ready to get married yet that you should throw away the relationship, perhaps the two of you just need to iron some things out before the two of you take the next step.

That aside, my guess is that if you're looking to dump this guy that quick for a misunderstanding, he's sensing you're looking for a way out of this as well. His natural thinking may only conclude that you're seeing someone else, when in fact it may be more complex than that.

Kylie I write this with all due respect but the two of you may be stirring up excuses to hide some of the deeper feelings the both of you are feeling. And that's a tough spot to be in. Try your best to make an adult decision or five years down the road you'll hate that you didn't.

Answer 3

In my opinion,yes, and I'll tell you why.

First of all, if you a hug a man and he automatically assumes you're cheating on him, then that means he's insecure about your relationship. He doesn't trust you like he should if he really wanted to marry you. He should at least ask you who it was before immediately assuming you'd do something so cruel. It also shows that he doesn't know you very well if he thinks you would do something so cruel. Maybe he's just looking for a way out. There's a possibility he may not be ready for marriage and is looking for a way to end it without it being his fault. I don't think you should spend the rest of your life with a man that doesn't trust you, or you'll end up in pain and distress later in life when he accuses you of doing things like cheating on him if you come home late or if you're meeting a male friend or co-worker. I'm just advising you to think about this in the long run. You have it easy now to break off the wedding since you didn't send te invitations and won't have alot of explaining to do to everyone you sent it to. I hope everything works out for you in the future.

Answer 4

No, don't break up with your fiancee but perhaps you two should seek out premarital counseling before tying the knot. Getting married will not make things easier. He may become more controlling, jealous and insecure. By getting counseling, the two of you would be able to talk about any potential issues in your marriage (including cheating) and come up with ways of handling it better.

When he calms down, talk to him about it. Right now, he's too upset to discuss the situation with you so give him that space. Otherwise the two of you may say things you don't really mean. There are a lot of reasons as to why he overreacted but the most important thing is for you two to get a good foundation to build your marriage upon.

This doesn't mean you two aren't meant to be. All relationships have their issues. What it does mean is that you two need to get a deeper understanding of yourselves as individuals and how to best relate to each other as a couple.

Answer 5

It's probably just pre wedding jitters, for him to react so irrationally. Another thing to worry about is that men handle cheating and break-ups alot different from women. You may not want him back if he were to find out the truth after those unanswered phone calls and not being home when you come over. Alot of men won't sulk like women they'll get over there relationship problems but immediately having sex with other women. I would dump him. If he knows you well enough to marry you then he should know that you will never cheat...so with that being said, he really doesn't know you at all.

Answer 6

ok, first, while did you paintings out you probably did no longer love her anymore, and you fell in love with the sister? 2nd, did you get any evidence that her sister certainly likes you lower back? third, how did you paintings that the sister does no longer thoroughly hate you for dumping your fiance for her? even if, in case you relatively believed that the courting does no longer paintings for the two one in each and every of you, and that the sister replaced right into a miles better determination, and the sister confirmed some comparable emotions, then you relatively ought to probable wait a twelve months in the previous making a circulate on the sister, you have brought about the kin some injury, and at present going after the sister, does no longer in basic terms call for a rejection, yet extra hatred in direction of you. final, in case you in basic terms concept that the sister replaced into extra desirable, and dumped your fiancee for her, devoid of any reason besides that, then you relatively are an boastful, disrespectful, fool.

Answer 7

getting married is a BIG thing... often the guys might second think it...like "is she really the one?"... " will she ever hurt me?" so mayb when he saw u with ur cousin he just had a reason to believe all his doubts. so i would try to go over to him... with ur cousin if possible n explain. i mean if u got so far as being engaged then y give up now? but just comfort each other n after everything is settled let him know that trust is very important n it will have to be a two way thing.

Answer 8

Wow that is crazy...He is ur fiance not ur boyfriend, why is he acting like such an ***.. He should have at least let u explain what happened. If you really love him dont let a stupid situation like this break the engagement try and explain it or have someone else do iy for you. If he keeps acting like an *** then wait until he gets over it or just assume it wasnt meant to be. If he gets like this over little things imagine marriage. Maybe he is not ready for that yet. Good luck

Answer 9

Go to a marrige counseler. If you really want this to work u need to fix he problems while they are still small. U should just wait for him to come around, he'll talk to u when he's cooled off and then explain to him very calmly that it was ur cousin. Get birth cirtificates, abything to prove it in case he doesn't listen. Just call him one more time and leave a message explaining that u r just cousins and if he wants 2 talk that he'll call u and that u love and hm miss him and that u want things to work out. Hope everything goes well!^_^

Answer 10

I don't think you should dump him, he got the wrong impression. You need to go talk to him, take the cousin too, if that helps. I don't think thats enough reason for you to dump your fiance. In the future let him know ahead of time who is your family, since you say you would never cheat on him.