My daughter's found child porn on her computer and accused her husband. He said it was a virus that sent them. Since then he's been very emotionally abusive to her. He also admitted that he was sexually abused as a child and has also been pointing out that he was neglected.
2007-08-14 09:05:54 · 7 answers · asked by imgma2 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Why? Because that is what they learn as a child. That power and control are associated with abuse.
The only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to get help and do intensive therapy. Otherwise, his behavior will continue to escalate.
Stop him before he gets more than emotionally abusive to her.
2007-08-14 09:20:41 · answer #1 · answered by riptide_71 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I speak from experience, though the case different. As a child , i was constantly emotionally abused and beaten by my father. These past few weeks , a male friend who has been angering me, has been the victim of my vicious yelling and slapping. I abused my cat when i was being abused when i was child This a sick and horrible way of coping. It is called displacement, when you take the feelings someone threw on you, and you put them on another victim. The best thing I can suggest is therapy, and try to point out why the husband is doing this to his blameless wife. Until he realizes what he is doing, keep her and her kids safe. It is not the husbands fault, it is the abuser, continuing to have hold over his victim and his victims actions. The husband must overcome this.
2007-08-14 09:51:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether we like it or not , we all learn how to behave from how we grew up. Have you ever caught yourself sounding like your parent? Same theory.
This makes the problems for victims of abuse even more difficult. They may know what they do is wrong but not know how to stop the pattern of behavior they are in using.
This is not an excuse, however. Your son-in-law is committing a serious crime. If your daughter has children with him, she needs to ensure they are physically safe. This may mean she or her husband leaves the house. This will also give her time and perspective on the situation.
She needs to decide how she feels about this man. If he wants to seek treatment, and she feels the relationship is worth it, she should support him. This does not have to include living with him. Through therapy they can make those tougher decisions.
If he does not want to seek help, she needs to leave. Period. She can't help someone who does want to help themselves.
2007-08-14 09:40:40 · answer #3 · answered by katty0205 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abused people abuse others because of anger, feeling powerless, needing someone to feel just as bad as they do. When they get into a situation they feel powerless to control, it brings back feelings they had when they were abused. They don't know how to cope with those feeling anymore than they did when they were abused. That's why they abuse others. Your daughter's first responsibility is to her daughter, to protect her - no matter what. If she hasn'talready gotten help, she needs to do so RIGHT NOW! She should never allow her daughter to be alone with her husband until this issue is resolved. This cycle needs to be broken before yourgranddaughter is hurt, if she hasn't already been hurt. My heart goes out to her, your daughter, & you. GOD help all of you!
2007-08-14 09:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by Tail Stinger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are intense mental, emotional and physical reactions to sex, wanted or unwanted. Abuse, particularly sexual abuse messes with the core of the person, how they respond, view, interact and connect with the world around them. We do not naturally have the skills as a child to ignore it. It is an assault to our humanity.
And, as a rule, a child will believe his own life experiences to be the average or normal of what other children experience.
Intense feelings of anger or inferiority, or lack of safety can envelop how a child views his world.
If a child who feels unsafe - grows to be an adult who feels unsafe - he may cower in relationship, or he may control and bully in relationship.
I would assume your husband felt "unsafe" when the issue of porn came up between you. His response is to bully you.
2007-08-14 10:43:53 · answer #5 · answered by Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to find help. She should call an abuse help line.
He is just using that as an excuse to be abusive.
Abuse is about control.
I recently read that what most people want in the world is to have their own way.
And you get that by beating on people who are weaker than yourself.
read my articles at http://themeaningisyou. com
2007-08-14 09:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by HJG 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They have never been emotionally detoxed obviously. Unless someone receives help for the abuse they suffered they will continue the same destructive cycle.
2007-08-14 09:18:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋