Please ADULTS ONLY to answer this question….?

Question

I got back last night after visiting my dad and brother all weekend. I happened to notice that the KY lubricant was sitting out (not in the medicine cabinet where it’s normally kept). I decided to ask my boyfriend about it. He said it was leaking and was always getting all over the shelves of the cabinet and he was planning on just throwing it out. Well, I checked the bottle and it was completely dry and not leaking at all. The only way for it to leak would be for the lid to be open and for it to be turned on its side. This probably sounds silly, but instantly I assumed the worse…that he was sleeping with someone else and forgot to put it away before I got back. We do not have sex nearly as much as he’d like to (I am depressed and usually not up for it) so I know he has been feeling sexually frustrated for awhile. I also noticed that he bought me my favorite drink and offered to pick up my favorite burger for take-out today on his way home from work. Could this be because he feels guilty? Am I just being paranoid? If not, how do I find out if he’s being unfaithful? Should I confront him about this? I didn’t want to kiss him goodbye this morning in case he really was cheating on me. He most likely knows I am upset about something.

I mean if he was going to throw it out, why not just throw it out? There are trash cans EVERYWHERE around here!

Yes, it occurred to me that he could have used it on himself! But I doubt it...he knows he wouldn't have to hide something like that from me. He doesn't usually use lubricant for that. Plus, it would have turned up next to the computer if he had used it for masturbating (he'd probably be too lazy to move it after looking at porn).

The only reason I am so suspicious is because he lies so often and is very good at it (ie: boss, parents, best friend, ME!).

I doubt he would turn me down for sex, whether he is sleeping with someone else or not (so that's not a very good indicator as to whether he's cheating on me). Also, if he used it on himself, I do not see any reason why he would feel too ashamed to tell me that...he has done it in front of me before.

There are too many answers for me to decide, so I am just going to put this question to vote. Answers 53 and 63 are worth looking at.

Answer 1

First of all, I think your insecurities about him cheating on you could have to do with a bigger issue between the two of you. If you felt you could trust him completely you would never question why the KY Jelly was left out, so why is your trust lacking? Has he cheated on you before? Do you feel overly guilty about your lack of sex drive?
Did you check the shelves to see if there was any KY on them? I'm sure he probably cleaned it, if that was the case, but you never know.
Also, some men use KY to, shall we say, have their way with themselves. It's like using lotion, only better. Perhaps he was using it for that purpose and was too embarrassed to tell you. Have you ever, erm, witnessed him pleasuring himself? Do you know how he does it?
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is cheating on you, but I would speak with him about it more in depth since it's bothering you so much. Don't accuse him of anything, just tell him you feel weird about it and ask him to be completely honest with you about why it was out. He will either tell you the truth (whether it be the same story again or the REAL truth), or it will be obvious that he is lying when you put him on the spot.

Answer 2

Lots of guys use lube to masturbate. I think he was probably masturbating, and embarrassed to admit it to you. Masturbation is completely normal, and not in any way harmful (except for a bit of chafing, and the lube helps with that.)

I think he was being extra nice to you because he missed you, and he's glad you were back, and he was horny, and he'd like to have sex.

If I was going to cheat, I'd clean up the evidence really well. I wouldn't leave a bottle of lube sitting out. I think you're over-worrying about this.

You should be concerned about the effect the lack of sex is having on him. It can be very discouraging, and he could be wondering if you don't care for him anymore. Isn't there some level of sexual activity you could do to make him feel a bit better, even if you can't handle full sexual intercourse right now? Oral sex or even the old high-school hand-job would make things a lot better for him, and wouldn't be all that much effort for you.

Answer 3

I have a feeling that it is not such a big deal. Has he ever gone out of his way and offered to get you a burger like that too? If so he probably just missed you.

As far as the ky it doesn't necessarily mean he was with someone else, it could also be that he pleasured himself to release some of that frustration and was embarrassed to tell you so.

If you want to be sure, talk to him and make sure and mention that you may be jumping into conclusions but you were just wondering. Also if you know yourself that you are frustrating him then I would try to set a nice romantic evening just so that he knows you realize that he is frustrated and that you care enough to help in that department even if you are stressed. He has needs you know?

Best wishes

Answer 4

Well it is very normal for you to feel the way you do. The worst thing you can do is ASSUME! Communication is key to a good relationship. Honesty too. Tell him how that made you feel. Be honest NOT WHINNY! And no confrontations. Had you noticed any other subtle indicators that may have led you to believe he was cheating? If so....Then I would be suspicious. When someone is being accused of bad behavior it does not feel good. So you want to approach this with honesty not jealousy. Jealousy will make you look very bad. And get him upset. And draw him away from you. If you do not believe him I would not look at him I would take a better look at myself and ask what kind of responsibility can I take for how I'm feeling. If you are depressed and have no sex drive, this is not your fault. You need to see a Doctor and get your hormones checked. EVEN if your young you CAN experience hormone loss. These are brochure signs of hormone deficiency. I recommend to all women AGELESS by Suzanne Somers. Check it out at your local library. It may be that you can just take supplements from a Vitamin store.

Answer 5

Be up front and honest and confront him about it. You are obviously feeling hurt by this and he should have a right to know why you are mad at him. It could just be that he was feeling lonely and decided to pleasure himself but is too embarassed to tell you.
As for the buying you your favorite burger and what not, maybe he is just trying to make you forgive him because he can sense you are upset and he is trying to make you feel better.
It is goo to assume the worst because then when the truth comes, hopefully it wont hurt as bad, but you shouldn't hold it against him without telling him why. I'm sure that if you two have a stable and strong relationship this talk should be some what easy.
Hope everything goes well and good luck!

Answer 6

You were out of town for a couple days maybe he was just using the KY alone then lied about why it was out because he was embarrassed.... and maybe he offered to bring your favorite food and drink because he missed you. I think you could be jumping to conclusions. Personally I would just give it some time and see if anything more suspicious happens before I would bring it up. But if you feel like talking to him about it now go ahead but try not to be confrontational because if he is innocent he'll be more upset if you accuse him than if you just talk about it.

Answer 7

Has he given you any other signs that he may be unfaithful? If not, maybe he just used the KY with himself. As for the food and drink, he might have missed you over the weekend and wanted to do something nice for you.

If you truly feel that he may have cheated on you, then the only thing you can do is confront him about it. But if you already feel he has cheated, will "no, I didn't do it" really make you believe that he didn't. You may have already made up your mind on his guilt.

Answer 8

I really don't want to Upset You, Aeryen Sun, but it sounds very Suspicious to Me. Especially after Going Out of His Way to try to "Please" You with things You Enjoy. I don't want You to have any more Trouble with Him than You Already have, but if I came home and found KY out of place with a Woman, I'd like a bit better of an Explanation. Frankly I don't believe Him (with Me being a Male and knowing how Our Minds Work). But DON'T go Crazy, casually bring up the Subject at a Time and Place that's Appropriate.Good Luck (and Don't DWELL), Straywolf

Answer 9

Sounds more like you jumped to the wrong conclusion. I'm willing to bet the other girl is Rosie Palms and he was embarressed to tell the truth. Unless there's other evidence to make you think he's cheating, I wouldn't mention it at all. I think you're being paranoid.

He probably knows you're upset and is trying to calm you down with a nice gesture.

Answer 10

Theres no need to get all messed up. I would be very suspicious too. But one thing that has been true for all times is: Whats done in the dark comes to the light.

He'll eventually tell on himself. b/c a liar and a cheat aint the smartest people in the world. Plan another weekend trip and don't go, post outside your home and see what happens?