How much longer should I wait for him to propose?

Question

I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He has not yet proposed to me, although he has promised me about a year and a half ago that he would get a ring. He is not exactly the romantic type of guy, which I can learn to live with. But it would be nice for him to show commitment. I have even told him numerous times, but he seems to change the subject. So, how much longer would you wait, in this case?

Answer 1

Age old question really. I feel for you, as I have recently gone through a similar situation.

At the three year point you should know if you WANT to be married, and it certainly is a point where one can start to feel impatient, especially since you have lived together that long.

I would say that at this mark (3 years) you have waited long enough to know. That is, I think you should set your mind and talk to him about it.

In my mind he should at least be able to propose to you and get you a tone of commitment to marriage (a ring).

If he cannot then, you will have your answer.

There is another route as well. Why not ask him to marry you? You could have an anwer and then move from there.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. My man and I have been together almost 4 years. We decided to build a house together in 2005 and moved in in April 2006. I told him when we decided to build the house that I would not live with him unless we were at least engaged. But then as the house got closer to being built, I was so looking forward to moving in to it and living with him at long last. (he lived an hour away until then and our time together was pretty limited)
So we moved in together and on the first night he told me his plan was to marry me within a year of moving in. So I waited for this proposal that never came.
It is a hard situation because deep down you want it to come from the heart and be spontaneous and all that, you know the big suprise with the ring........but I guess some guys are just not the romantic kind. I waited up until about a month ago (15 months from when he said we'd be married within a year) and then I fineally let rip. I had waited long enough and I wanted to know if he was going to marry me ever! I wasnt going anywhere but i needed to know if there was no plan to marry me. If he didnt want marriage then tell me so I could stop waiting like a pathetic fool for him to propose.
So he said yes, he would marry me. He has since emailed his best friend in Canada and given him a date and asked him to be there. He even emailed my cousin in Georgia telling her the date and how I would love her to be there (secretly, but I found out) So looks like we fineally have a wedding date. BUT!!! Having said that, I am not going to tell a soul yet because I still have had no formal proposal and there is still no ring. So until that happens, there will be no marriage. I too am tired of the situation. I am sick of thinking he is about to propose only to be disappointed again. It is easy for people to say leave, or stop having sex. But they are not in the situation. When you love someone that much, you cant just walk away.
Anyways, my whole point is you need to let him know that by putting it off it is hurting you, and being disrespectfull, and he should know by now if he is going to marry you. Lay everything on the table, be firm and I hope he will make that committment to you.

Answer 3

Okay, let me get this straight. You are 21, have dated 77 people, had sex with 7 and have been engaged 3 times. You have been with this guy for 2 months and a week. And according to you, you have "lived for years just accepting the fact that you would probably never get married". How many years would that be? Have you been dwelling on this since you were 10? I don't think you are ready to be married. I think he is smart in wanting to wait 3 years. At least 3 years, maybe even 4 or 5. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

As I tell all young couples who are committed to each other, do not live together and play house! Why should he propose and give you a ring when you are already living with him without the benefit of marriage.

If you want to shake things up...tell him you are moving out and going back home. Tell him you want him to show his intentions with an engagement and then marriage. If he balks and changes the subject turn around, pack your bag and never look back..I guarantee you if he is in love with you, he will come after you, and he should have a ring in his pocket and ask for your hand in marriage.

If he doesn't and only wants you to move back...refuse and say it is over. It will be painful, but you must always think that you deserve respect and by not setting a date for engagement and marriage, he is not giving it to you or your parents. I am sure they brought up their daughter with the hope that one day they would be present at her marriage.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

You can't have anyone else answer this question but you. The only advice I can give you is based on my own personal experience.

My husband I met in May of 2005..moved in together in Jan. of 06 and bought our home in April of 2005. We got engaged in Oct of 2006 and married May 12, 2007.

Up until the night we got engaged my husband had NOT said "I love you" to me but I knew he loved me. I told him from the VERY start that I would not waste my time or is on a relationship that was going no where so after 2 years if we weren't engaged we would decide if it was something we wanted to continue but I would NOT be living with him..I would be moving back home ((100 miles from where I live now)).

I told him from the start that I wasn't messing around. If your boyfriend isn't ready and you are maybe you need to really sit down and talk to him and see where he stands on it. Don't push him into asking you or beg him...he has to be ready and want too. Just tell him you want to get on the same page so you understand what he is feeling and thinking. It sounds like you really need to just communicate with one another and try, as hard as it is, not to get mad at one another and be understanding.

You may come to find that this is going no where and its time to leave OR, like I did, come to find a few weeks later he was on one knee asking me to marry him...but don't do it like I did because I lost my temper and he almost took my ring back..but in my defense I have NO idea he had even bought it.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

He could be comfortable with the way things are. Getting someone around who will take care of him, but still isnt completely committed to and can leave at anytime. Is it possible that he is afraid of marriage? Maybe his parents are divorced, etc.

I know that there are people out there who never get married, and have been together 15+ years, have kids, a house etc. This seems like the life you dont want, however he may be thinking he can get away with it.

I would definitely find out the reason if it is bothering you that much. If you and him have different ideas/different goals in life, perhaps you arent ment to be. But push the convo and find out the sooner the better.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

I agree 100% with Blunt.

My additional 2 cents: He's not the only one in the relationship, so the relationship should not depend only on him to move forward. You shouldn't keep waiting for him. Sit down with him and have a good heart-to-heart talk about what you want. If you want to get married, let him know that. Also, don't frame the conversation as "someday, maybe, in the future... we should think about getting married". Tell him that you want to get married within, for example, the next year - see what he says.

If you are not interested in staying in a relationship without a formal committment, then he needs to know that. That's not an unreasonable request.

Answer 8

You're going to get loads of answers telling you that you should ask him or that he's not ready etc etc. My personal experience tells me that he's still around after 3 years and far from not wanting to marry you, probably just can't be bothered to do the romantic thing or just needs a push. Drag him out shopping with you for a ring. You choose it, he pays for it!! He'll be like this always, if he's the type of guy...I bet you're forever organising him too?!! Don't feel bad about the lack of commitment thing - he is committed and he has shown it by still being around after 3 years. Hope you get a lush ring!!!

Answer 9

If you really love him then that should be enough. I was with my now husband for almost 6 years before he proposed and believe me don't think he didn't hear about how I was so ready to get married. All of our friends around us that were together in less time then us were all married and I was so jealous but I kept telling myself he loves me and is committed to me and he'll ask when he's ready. Once he asked me it took me 2 months to plan the wedding and we were married in 4 months now we're ready to start a family.
We did move in together after being together a year and then bought a house after 2 1/2 years so I knew he was serious about me.
I know it can get frustrating but please be patient with him. Maybe try to not bring up the subject for at least 6 months that's what I did, I made it almost a year without bringing it up and then BAM ~ he proposed.

Answer 10

What has he done to show you he loves you? I waited many years for my husband to propose to me. A few weeks after I broke up with him, he decided that he definitely did want to marry me. He told me that he had always thought about it, but wanted to make sure he was secure in what he wanted to do for a career.

Mostly, it depends on how much you respect him and how much you feel loved. Does he deserve your respect? Stay with him if you believe he has a good character and is trustworthy. If he keeps you hanging after you've told him about your concerns ... then you know what you have to do.