My mom and her religion...?

Question

This is going to be kind of long:

My mom is a black muslim apart of the Nation of Islam (NOI) and she's trying to pressure me into being apart of it. It was never really a problem until I got to the age of 13 because they are super strict, you can't have a boyfriend (and I have one) and you can't wear tight or short clothes (and I do so and I like exposing my body). And they have some crazy beliefs like the white man is the devil and I don't believe that at all.

This has torn me and my mom apart. She's knows nothing about me and vice versa. What should I do?

Answer 1

It's not clear what age you are now, but it seems the problem has been developing for a while.

You don't have to adopt your mother's beliefs, but if your relationship with her matters to you at all, you'll have to tell her the truth about the way you're conducting your life. In order to avoid the rules you don't agree with, you've begun to live a life of lies and deceit. Your mother will certainly discover the truth sooner or later, and you will lose not only her trust but any freedom she might have granted you.

Your mother is an adult and you are a minor. She's supporting you, and she is ultimately responsible for how you conduct yourself. You have only two real options: you can continue to lie and disregard your mother's rules, which will make both your lives miserable and possibly result in mistakes that you can never undo. Or you can make it easy on both of you by doing as she asks, even if you privately disagree. You'll have plenty of time to live by your own rules when you're an adult and not dependent on your mother anymore.

Answer 2

Your mom is doing that only bcoz she loves you and she wants the best for you, & that, in her eyes, is by being a Muslim. shes maybe using a wrong method, pressuring you won't do any good. I think you are both old enough to have an adult discussion about this, sit together, ask her to explain to you why she wants you to be a Muslim, & if what she said doesn't persuade you, just tell her why.
Now listen, i'm a muslim & i'm not an american, i know generaly about the (NOI) but i know much about Islam itself, in the NOI there are some other beleives added that are wrong, they don't match what true islam is about, such as the one u mentioned that the white man is the devil, that is so horribly wrong, coz in islam ppl are all the same, color, race, sex, relegion doesn't differentiate between them, the only thing that does is the person's piety, or love & fear from God (Allah)..
which translates into doing more good & avoiding all thats wrong & harmfull.
So, to avoid all of these false beliefs & twisted truths & facts, & so that you can settle this & restore the relationship between you & your mother, I think, that the best thing you can do is doing a research about Islam, try to learn all about it, & be neutral while so..then, decide which way you wanna go, becoz then you'll have the background to make a decision upon based on facts & true knowledge of the issue & then as well you can explain to your mom why you took that decision, not only becoz you wanna wear short clothes & have a boyfriend, coz life isn't all about that, you can live without those. Islam isn't about rules & regulation, its about how you treat ppl, deal with things & manage your life, its aim is to direct and guide you through life so that you get to a good place in the end. you have to look at the big picture here. to have a religion isn't just about praying and fasting ..etc, its a WAY OF LIFE.
Think it through, be wise & take your time, this isn't a small issue. But in the end your mom is your mom, try to be the bigger one, even if you disagree on this matter try to keep a good relationship with her, talk to her good, understand her & get what she is saying and then respond instead of just shutting her off (i'm not assuming that you do i'm just saying).

Good Luck & wish you all the best!!

(I'm sorry if i made any grammar or whatever mistakes English isn't my first language :op)

Answer 3

You are right. It is a difficult situation, but if the two of you love one another, then I do see some light at the end of the tunnel. I would begin by asking your Mom why she became a Black Muslim. Perhaps I am wrong but I am assuming that she had converted and was not born into the religion. Try to understand where she is coming from and why she did what she did. Also don't only look at the negative side of the religion. It may be too strict for you but try to understand the reasons for that and look at the religion with an open mind and see if you can find any good in it. I am not telling you to convert. I am only saying, Find out more about it and do not dismiss it out of hand. Also share a little of yourself with your Mom. Tell her that even though you may not want to become a Black Muslim like she is, that you respect her choice of religion and that you love her and that you would expect the same from her. I know it is not going to be easy but acknowledge to your Mom in a respectable way that you know that she and her are world's apart for the moment on this matter but that you want to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. My final question to you is "What do you mean by exposing your body"? Are you simply opposed to wearing a burkha (sp?) or is it more than that. Flaunting everything you have in a provocative way is not a way to make brownie points with your Mom.

Answer 4

I take it that your mother decided to become a Muslim later in your life and has not always been Muslim. Unless your father or a very close relative would be willing to let you live with them than you probably have to make the most of the situation until you turn 18 and can leave. You need to respect your mother's religion and your mother even if you don't wish to participate in her religious beliefs. Try make to wear tight or short clothes while around her, put on an extra shirt that you can take off later at least. As for the boyfriend, I personally believe that 13 isn't old enough for a boyfriend, but that's my personal believe and one I can only inflict upon my own children. Instead of flaunting your boyfriend why not just do things with a group of friends, etc. If you handle this with as much maturity and respect as you can then you mother will most likely respect your decision as much as she can, even if she doesn't exactly like it. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

First of all most parents even those that have some other religion mostly don't like their children to dress in clothes that expose (I've seen some teenagers that I say I would never let them out of the house like that) and to have a boyfriend so you are actually referring to most parents (at least those with dignity). But you should hold strongly to your views, if you don't feel that the white man is the devil, then stick to it. Believing the white man is the devil doesn't drive you very far in life because more likely you will be working for the white man. As far as tearing you apart, does she get angry with you when you try to persuade her to think otherwise. If so then just express to her these are your views, and you are a separate individual from her.

Answer 6

This is pretty tough.

On the one hand you should definitely be respecting of your mother, but she should also have enough respect for you to understand that she shouldn't force you to accept something you don't believe. You need to sit your mom down and explain to her that you understand she believes the way she does, but that you don't share her beliefs and want her to respect your right to disagree. As long as you're not doing anything that she finds to be morally wrong (although you probably don't need to be "showing off your body" or have a boyfriend at 13) she should be willing to let you be you.

However, if she's adamantly for you adhering to her rules, you may just have to accept that she is your mother and that her word is law until you turn 18...

Answer 7

You are old enough to believe in what you choose. She cannot make you go with her beliefs. You should speak to her about this and tell her that it is not right that she is pushing it so much that it is becoming in between the two of you. Everyone has their own beliefs. Do some research for yourself in different religions. Chriatianity is the only religion that has actually been proven. With any religion, there is nothing that says that you cannot wear this or that. God doesnt judge you on the things you wear or the people you socialize with.

Answer 8

You cannot control your mom and her religious beliefs. Stay away from the subject of religion with her as much as possible and just try to be a good daughter and respect your mom for who she is, and you should get the same respect back. She will always be your mom and the only one you'll have. Just love each other for the people you are.

Answer 9

yoo , wait a minute first thing you are a desrespect girl whatever happens you parents stays your parents they are thw ones who brought you to this world and im muslim and about this belief(white man is the devil )its made up from you , you dont deserve to be you parents daughter becuse if they love and they want to take care of you doesnt mean that they hate you or put pressure on you , about boyfriends if you really know about your religion you wouldnt have a bf becuse what you do with your bf have sex and do bad things and when you have a dughter you will feel how much its pain that your daughter is talking about you in a bad way and desrespect you adn your religion and you dont deserve to be this life until this moment becuse you are bad you desrespect your self and your family and all the black people and white people becuse your making up things that its not true and if you really know what is Isalm you wouldnt say or do anything of what you doing now !!!

Answer 10

Tell your mom that you respect her right to believe what she wants, but as you grow older you will be choosing your own beliefs, and so far you find hers rather "unbelieveable"......she may back off of you just to sway you. Or, worst case scenario, you stick it out until you're 18. There's nothing wrong with not wearing tight/short clothes. Heaven forbid people would see you as a young LADY and not something else.