Am I doing the right thing?

Question

Okay...so I was babysitting this little girl of three years old, she turned out to be REALLY smart, and in reality she looks five.
But sometimes, she cries for stupid reasons, like one time, she wanted juice in her bottle, but I couldn't find it, so I told her she had to drink it in a cup. She absolutely refused this, and she started crying.

So...this is what I do when she cries. With a good voice, I tell her not to cry, and I ask her why she cries. When she explains the reason, I tell her nicely and detailed as I can, why she shouldn't cry. If she keeps crying, I turn my voice a bit more stern, and I tell her not to cry or I'm giving her a time out. I tried all the tactics except bribing, as you know it can spoil her...so I just left her crying until she got over it. I guess it kind of worked; she stopped crying and everything was well. Is this the right thing to do, or is the only way to stop her crying is to bribe her with candy or something she likes?

Well then, how am I supposed to redirect her? I don't think her mind is that easy to change, once she cries she has to get what she wants or she won't stop for another five minutes.

Answer 1

a three year old shouldnt be drinking out of a bottle at all.......

you did good for the situation though.....and NOT bribing her was a good choice..you will only screw yourself in the end

Answer 2

I have a 3 year old and this sounds like quite normal behaviour - i think they find emotions hard to deal with and find it hard to express them, so a whinge or a cry is often the first way they express disappointment or frustration. Young children also value routine and consistency, so if something is a bit different to the norm, these emotions will come to the forefront.

Although I think I understand it, it still drives me nuts when my 3 year old does it - it seems to utterly spoil what is generally a happy, independent, positive, clever little girl!

This is how you redirect her - my way of dealing with it at the moment is to remind her - let's sort this out with nice words instead of silly noises and then give her something to say that helps her express it rather than the crying and the whinging, so in your case, what did was fine, but didn't help her express her frustration in any other way - I would have said, "there's no need to cry, i realise you want your bottle, but you can't have it, sorry, so just say 'i really wanted my bottle, i'm fed up I have to have a cup!' and i'm sorry about that. Here's the cup - you have that or nothing. and then walk away. Lack of attention for this behaviour also works and then lavish attention on her when the fit wears off!

bribing her with candy will go horribly wrong - if I knew throwing strop would eventually result in me getting candy for suddenly being happier, I'd do it all the time....! ;-)

Answer 3

A five year old is too big for a bottle. Give her the cup. You did the right thing. She will drink from the cup when she's thirsty enough. Don't give in to her tantrums and don't bribe her. Give her a reward for good behavior once in a while. Like, if you babysit everyday, on Friday bring her a special treat or play a favorite game with her as a reward for good behavior all week.

Answer 4

Letting them cry is a very good thing to do. They're upset and sometimes they just need to let it out, and then they feel better.

Young kids often don't know how else to deal with disappointment, and 3 year olds do not have the reasoning power of older children. Just let her cry, then when she's done give her a hug and talk about something else. Like what you're going to do after the snack or her favorite toy or story.

Answer 5

i wouldn't bribe her either. explain that there is no bottle available, and that you are sorry that she is upset by this but that crying is not going to fix it. keep in mind though, her bottle is her comfort so she is crying also because it hurts her feelings.. you know what i mean? i don't know if i would threaten her with a time out tho, maybe just give her juice in her sippy cup and let her cry till she is over it. good luck!

you could also ask her parents what they do in situations like that. do they bribe her? maybe she is expecting something better, or maybe they let her work her feelings out, or maybe they do put her in time out.

Answer 6

Sometimes when kids throw fits you just have to ignore them and they'll stop cuz they aren't getting attention. I think you're fine in doing that. Bribing isn't the thing to do in this situation becuz she'll catch on and if she wants a snack or something she'll just throw a fit, knowing she'll get one. Good Luck :)

Answer 7

She needs to get off the bottle...and should have a long long long time ago. She's scared of change. Just keep enforcing her using a cup and she'll get over it. Tell her big girls use cups and bottles are for babies. I think you handled it well...but seriously, work on her getting off the bottle.

Answer 8

at 3 yrs she might be crying because she's frustrated. she might need a minute to calm down and then tell her, if she wants juice, its in the cup.

sometimes my son will ask me for a coconut to eat and he gets upset when i tell him we don't have one. he doesn't yet understand how to cope with disappointment. you have to be patient and let them realize that you simpathize with their frustrations, but there really is nothing you can do. sometimes they think you're holding out on them so if they plead you will produce what they want.

Answer 9

when comes to little ones (3-6) sometimes they'll cry and don't understand when to stop. i've had kids cry for their mom when she left for work. you try to calm them down and say it's ok i'm here. if they keep crying try to destract them with toys or a game. if that doesn't work then just let them cry. they'll get over it eventually.

Answer 10

I think that you did the right thing, you should not reward her for crying. talking to her like you did is smart, its what I do with my daughter. if you set the standard now, that she will be given something if she throws a fit it will just get worse.