Am I asking too much from my bridesmaids?

Question

I'm getting married in November and I'm having trouble finding bridesmaid dresses. I'm afraid of picking something they can't afford, but at the same time, I suggested they pick their own dresses, just as long it's the right color, and they just looked at me funny.

Am I giving them too much work by having them choose their own dresses? They are also helping with the shower (I'm also helping them put it together) and helping me the day of the wedding. I want my bridesmaids to enjoy the experience, so what work they have to do is quite limited.
My fiance and I are at the final stages of planning and I'm starting to feel the stress!

Answer 1

Normally as soon as I see "Am I asking too much", it ends up being a total bridezilla question about "Why are they not paying enough attention to me" or "Shouldn't I get everything I want, I'm the bride!!?"

However, your question is quite reasonable. I'm doing the exact same thing with my bridesmaids dresses. I chose the color and the length of the skirt/dress (floor length)...they can choose any mix and match set or any bridesmaids dress in that color. This way they can choose something more flattering and comfortable for their individual bodies. There is no "perfect dress" that a size 4 looks good in, and so does a size 24. Everyone has different body types...so letting them choose their own individual dresses is not work...it is really a nice thing to do!

Don't think you are making them work...you are giving them more freedom than most bridesmaids get. Most bridesmaids get NO say in what dress they spend $200+ dollars on, after alterations.

As for the bridal shower...in this one, I think you are wrong. You should NOT be planning your own bridal shower. No, no, no. You should not have anything to do with it, except show up and have fun. You can not throw a party if you are going to also be the Guest of Honor at the same party. Bad form.

When your bridesmaids agreed to be bridesmaids, they should have known what they were signing up for. They are responsible to help your Maid/Matron of Honor arrange the bridal shower and take care of their dresses. I would have a conversation with them...talk about your concerns, and see if there is a way to handle this without many hurt feelings.

~Kat

Answer 2

I had my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses for our wedding and everything worked out just fine. I would think they would appreciate you being so open to it. They could be stuck with a dress they don't like. What I did was I went shopping with them individually and we had a great time. I only had three bridesmaids and a maid of honor and I devoted one day for each of them. It gave me a chance to spend a little specail time with each girl. I did some shopping for the wedding as well during those trips but the focus was to find a dress for that girl. I also had them repsonsible for something on the wedding day. I thought that's what they were there for other than standing up for us on the wedding day. I think when someone agrees to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor it comes with playing a part in the planning. I had the best man and one of the groomsman picking up stuff for me prior to the wedding. You can't do it all so it's okay to have your wedding party help you along the way.

Answer 3

Part of being a bridesmaid is to help the Bride, but its nice that you are thinking of them and not expecting too much.

Take them to Davids Bridal if you have one...they have every sort of dress in any style, plus separates...that way you are there to give your mark of approval while they pick their own out. Or go somewhere else and look together. Bridal stores are going to be your best bet for a wide ranges of dress styles in certain colors.
No one wants to piss a bride off months before the wedding, so they are looking at you funny because its your wedding and they want you to be happy.
Make it less stressful on them and yourself by going together and maybe making an afternoon out of it..go to lunch and then go do that and then end the evening with a drink somewhere or a manicure, etc.

Answer 4

It isn't too much work, I think maybe they are just surprised. In the long run they will definitely be happier getting to wear a dress they are comfortable in. Offer to go with them, and help them look at dresses. I went with my BMs to help them find a dress-same as you. I pick the color, you pick the dress deal. We were in and out in about an hour-picked the dress (they all chose the same one!), got measurements done, etc. It was a lovely experience. You need to order them soon, though. Like now. We ordered ours in the beginning of June and they aren't here yet. You can put a rush order on it, but that's more money, too.

Answer 5

It isn't asking much from them by any means. It should actually be easier for them to find something that fits their body types. Telling them to find the cutest black dress they can find is a great idea - if black is one of your colors. That is usually the most popular choice though. Be careful about what color you pick because different stores have different shades of the same color. Red is a difficult one, as well as pink or green. Maybe you could pick the store and the color and then let the girls pick the dress style.

Answer 6

They should be willing to put in some work to make your wedding special for you, but you also need to help them find dresses that are within their budgets. Renting the dresses might be cheaper than buying them, or you could look for something very simple at a local store. They shouldn't have to be over the top, just a simple, flattering dress in colors that coordinate to your wedding colors.

Have a girls day at the mall, and explain to them that you're going hunting for their brides maid dresses. Agree on a maximum price, and go from there. Make it fun, try to stay stress free, and just look for something simple and elegant that you can all agree on.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

My wedding is less than 3 weeks away also. I gave my bridesmaids limited duties too. I let them pick their own dresses as long as they got my color. It worked nice for me b/c My smallest bridesmaid is a size 2 and the largest is a 28, you can't find dresses that will look the same on those two sizes.

Answer 8

Please, I WISH I was in your bridal party as opposed to the bridezilla one that I'm in.

Why not have a girls day out and all go somewhere together, David's bridal (while not the highest quality) is affordable, and the girls can all pick out dresses that they like, and then they can get the same color (so, different style same color).
Also, if you go to your local bridal boutique (more expensive) if you say with the same designer for a similar dress, they dresses will be able to be dyed usually, the same color.

I think it'll be less work if you all go together to the same store...or if you told them the store that you chose as well as the brand name and color that you'd like them to pick from.

Answer 9

You're being a great bride is what you're being. Alot of brides will drag out the ball and chain and here you are, asking for little, worrying about prices and wanting them to be pleased and happy. Kudos for that. Perhaps they looked at you funny because they know what to expect from brides and you took them by surprise. Or they were just surprised that you were so easygoing about it. Just keep on going with the flow and enjoy it and it does get stressful as you get closer, but stay calm and ask for help when you need it. Best of luck!

Answer 10

Tell them the reason they get to choose their own dress is so they will be comfortable the whole day. You are thinking of them by doing this, sometimes it is how you word it I guess. Perhaps they are used to the bride being the one to make all the decisions. I am with you, I had my MOH pick out the dress with my help on colors.