How can I help Mom not be sad about me leaving for college?

Question

My mom and I are extremely close. Now it's two and a half days before I leave for college, we're getting stuff ready, and she's constantly crying but trying really hard to hide it. I'm the oldest of 3 kids but the only girl, and we're each other's only true best friend. She's starting to catch the cold I'm just getting over, and I'm scared that being very depressed will only lead to her getting sicker, which is the last thing I want. Every time I mention I'd be only a phone call or e-mail away... well, that just reminds her that I won't be around and she gets sadder. If anyone can give any advice on how to make the transition to college a much less depressing one - for both of us but especially Mom - I'd really appreciate it and love you forever. =]

Answer 1

The natural seperation of parent and child is something that no one warns you about when you have that cute little baby. From birth on a child is doing what its supposed to do, and that's distancing itself from the dependence on its mother. I know exactly how your mother feels, and I am on the other side of it, college is over, they are both on their own.

I missed my girls alot, and I called them every day, I still do. I visited them when I could.

Tell your mom that I said she is doing what's right for you, and what she is supposed to as a mom. It will only serve to bring you closer and help transition your relationship to one closer to adults and not mother and child. This is really just the first step, you will be moving on after college as well, a job that may be out of state, and possibly marriage somewhere down the road or a relationship with someone that will be of equal importance to mom. That's natural and normal, and should be her goal.

My personal advice is to get rip roaring drunk when she gets back from dropping you off, or the night you leave (what ever the circumstances), get out all your baby pictures and cry like there is no tomorrow. Grieve the passion of her firstborn from childhood to adulthoom and then move on. She has a life outside of you, and its time for her to regain it. Good luck in school and stop worrying about your mom, she lived well before you, she'll live well after you have left home.

Answer 2

I went through the same thing 2 years ago when my daughter had to leave for college. She is my only child so you can imagine how hard it was for me. Your mom wants what's best for you and she will be sad but your closeness will never change even through distance. Your relationship will grow in new and adult ways and you both will make adjustments. Reassure your mom that you love her and will make sure to stay in touch as often as possible and your closeness will remain. She will be fine because the bottom line is that she loves you, wants the best for you, and knows that this is part of life.