This girl likes me, but has a boyfriend. She told me she's going to break up with him (cause he cheated on her), but she's having a hard time, and needs some time to "figure things out". I agreed to wait for her to sort her issues out- until she's ready to start a new relationship with me.
So- to avoid her getting too used to me, is ignoring her a good idea until she actually breaks up with her? I'm confused cause, 1) I don't want her to think I'm a jerk, and, 2) I don't want her to get tired of seeing me ignore her.
I've already been ignoring her for a week now- and when she tries to talk to me, I give short 'yes' or 'no' type answers... So in response to this, she seems to start ignoring me as well (avoiding eye contact when we walk pass each other). Am I handling this the right way?
Thanks for reading guys!
2007-08-14 05:37:53 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Meh, there's a typo, change "her" to "him" in one of the lines....
2007-08-14 05:39:13 · update #1
ignoring her makes you look like you aren't interested and makes it seem like you want her cause she has someone else (like a game).... Games are not good and playing the ignore game isn't mature... I would tell her how you feel and advise her that you guys can be friends but the closeness has to stop cause in a way shes playing a game!!!! WHY do I say this??? BECAUSE if she doesn't want to be with him then she wouldn't, and if she wanted to be with you then she would and if there are issues in her life you cant be her crutch in society!!!! BUT you can be her friend and ignoring her isn't being there for anyone!!! Don't get me wrong you have to protect your feelings that's why maybe space, time, and less talk will get you there... But tell her why you have been avoiding her cause that side of a person would make me think you are flaky and confused yourself!!!! GOOD LUCK ~Liz~
2007-08-14 05:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do what FEELS natural at the moment. Don't over think it, or think you have to come up with some kind of clever plan to get her. If it's going to happen it's going to happen. If it's not it's not. And you can't really do too much about it except just be yourself.
But that's the problem isn't it? You feel like she doesn't like you just as yourself. This is evident in the statement you made "to avoid her getting too used to me". Why would seeing you too much make her not like you? Two possibilities, either you think no girl would like the real you(which isn't true but you feel it is) or you know that this girl isn't really romantically interested in you. So you're trying to force the situation with this ignoring thing, to try to get control. This is your prefered method because it puts the control in your hands. Rather than facing the possible rejection, after some time she starts a new relationship with someone other than you, you're the one ignoring her. And, like it or not nice guy, you're angry at her for not jumping into your arms right after the break up. Now, all this doesn't make you a bad guy. These are all HUMAN emotions that many people experience with romance. But they're not the emotions of a "nice guy", which you are not. You are a normal, valuable human being who gets angry sometimes, like every other human walking the planet.
Now, enough of the Sherlock Holmes stuff, some help. You need to face and validate your feelings about the situation. Don't second guess them. Feel disappointed when you're disappointed. If you feel insecure then feel that too. If you feel excited then also go with that. If you get rejected, feel the rejection and mourn the loss of the dream. Don't take any of your feelings about the situation and label them as wrong or bad. These feelings are valuable as they will guide you through the situation, and feeling them and processing them will make you grow emotionally. You may not end up with a favorable result, but you will learn so much from it doing it this way, and you will not repeat your mistakes.
2007-08-14 10:20:48 · answer #2 · answered by LG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitly not a good idea... When a guy ignores me, I lose interest and totally just start to hate him. Try and still be friends with, but don't do anything that will like, obviously change her mind about her choice.
2007-08-14 05:46:34 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're handling it correctly if you want to alienate her.
Seriously dude, she needs a friend - and she needs a guy who isn't out for just the nookie, cuz it seems like her last loser boyfriend was. You're making it seem like you don't really care about her, just having the benefits. Yeah, like she really is going to want to date you if you continue to act like that!!
Seriously, just apologize to her, tell her you went out of your mind, you were afraid, whatever the case may be, just be her friend if that's what it takes. Start thinking with the head that resides on your shoulders, not your pants.
Good things come to those who wait, not those who are cranky that they can't just swoop right in on fresh meat. Seriously dude, what were you thinking?
2007-08-14 05:44:24 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not the right thing to do it herts. It is making her think that you don't like her the best thing to do is to tell her that you realy like her and that you two can start hnging out agen once she has broken up with to other. tell her that you love being with her but you can't hang out in a bf way when she has another boyfriend.
2007-08-14 05:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by Geramy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her tell her what your going to do while she figures things out.
2007-08-14 05:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋