He's about to cheat...?

Question

*PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME TO GET A DIVORCE, COUNSELING, OR THAT I HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. I NEED SOME REAL ADVICE AND WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE THAT* My husband has cheated on me before but has now moved out of state with me away from everyone that we know and has vowed never to do it again. I believe he may be addicted to not just sex, but attention from other women. He is 23 and yes I know, probably to young to be married, but the facts are we are married and do not want to be divorced. I know that in his heart he truly does not want to cheat on me again, but I am starting to see him getting antsy and the wheels in his head are turning deciding what he wants to do. I know he has not cheated yet and that I can't make him not cheat on me again, but for the people who have thought about cheating on their spouse and either did it or didn't, what could your spouse have done to make you not take that next step into cheating?

Answer 1

For him not to go forward and cheat again, all you have to do is be somebody else.

I don't care what he says or vows, there is something about you that does not satisfy his needs and never will. For some men, that need is simply to pursue and consummate relationships with other women. For others, there may be somebody in their past that is now unavailable that no other woman can measure up to.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but unless you are the woman that provides what he needs to be him, he will always be looking.

Answer 2

First off...I don't think 23 is too young to be married. :) And divorce is always on the bottom of my list.
I wish I could give you some good advice. I'll just share what I can. I think it's a good sign that he moved away with you...shows that he's at least trying. And also, I don't think that there's much that YOU can do. I mean, there's points on both sides...his cheating could have roots in some deeper issues in your marriage etc... But when it comes down to it, it's HIS responsibility to retain his self-control and stay faithful to you.
As for you...I would suggest just trying to sit down and have a real honest talk with him. Let him know your fears, and that you're not trying to pin him with his past mistakes, but it just worries you. Try to work out some sort of plan of accountability. (Him just staying away from making female friends, introducing you to female co-workers, being very honest and accountable with his time...like no "long hours" at the office, no late nights etc...) If he's sincere in trying to do right by you, he'll agree to whatever it takes to help himself stay away from temptation. It's good that you don't want divorce...most stuff can be worked through. I assume that he still loves you enough to not want to cause you more hurt.
The fact that he is addicted to sex and/or attention isn't a HUGE problem...he'll just need to learn self-control. And realize that he's not free to win the attentions of any other women anymore because he committed to you.
If you want something more active, try spicing things up a little. Maybe ask him if there's any way you can make things more exciting for him and stuff. And PRAY!
Good luck!

Answer 3

If he's just a dog, there's little you can do, and this won't work. But if you think the part he likes is the attention of other women, you could give him a chance to seek their attention so he can get that validation. This is why some married couples will still let each other flirt--you can find out that you still have it, have some fun, and make someone smile. If you think he can do that without taking it further, let him! If you think he can't, the problems you two have are bigger than this question.

Answer 4

DON'T ASK A QUESTION AND TELL US HOW TO ANSWER IT.

It sounds like your husband is a sexual addict. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you when he acts on this compulsion. In a sense, he's actually cheating on himself if he doesn't do it. There's probably nothing you or he can do to stop him from having these thoughts and feelings. There's also the possibility that he may indeed act on them again, given the opportunity. It's up to you to decide if you can or can't live with this possibility.

If you don't want to get a divorce, then you've made your decision and apparently don't need our advice in the first place. Good luck in whatever you both decide to do.

Answer 5

This is stemming from long term issues. I would guess that there is something that happened in your life that is playing a part. Like your parents were divorced, one of them cheated, or there was some other form of abuse/absence. The same is probably true for your husband. You need to examine each of your pasts to find out how to fix these issues. Only then will A. he won't have desire to cheat, and B. You will learn how to keep him from cheating and not accept that behavior. There is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

Answer 6

Well first of all you need to face up to teh facts that your marriage isn't going to work, which you obviously aren't ready to handle because you don't want to hear bad comments from us...
Bus basically you need to think about what he is getting from them that he isn't getting from you, maybe its the sneaking around and exciting sex and different sex, thats obviously all it is he like them for, sex, else he would have left you if he doesn't love you.

So first of all you need to keep the marriage exciting sexually, maybe my having sex in random places, trying some different adventurous techniques in bed, and then, you let him know how special he is to you.
Because then he will be happy with all the sexual needs, as he is only young so that is still high in the list of needs, and then by you letting him know how special you are to him he should feel guilty if he is cheating on you. Then should stop it.

But then if after all of this and he still is cheating on you, he really isn't worth it and a good relationship has to have input from both ends, so then you should seriously consider getting a divorce...

Answer 7

I can associate with him. I don't know if you are intimate with him and the quality but I hope its often and good. I myself am probably what you would call addicted to sex. I would have sex everyday with my girlfriend, great sex, mindblowing, and yet I still hunted. For whatever reason I was drawn to women, I liked their attention and they liked giving it. Before I knew it I had like 2 or 3 girls that I could very easily have had sex with. Well I did, and immediatly regreted it. Because I realized it was not the act. It was everything that led up to it. The hunt, the secrecy, the allure of another women wanting you. You need to create that for him. Be mysterious, go to a bar seperately pretend like you don't know one another. You need to teach him that sex is not what he wants, he wants to be wanted, he needs all that build up. Make sure when it comes to the act you take as long as possible before actually having sex. Also if he truely is addicted, there are many 12 step programs similiar to AA.

Answer 8

Dont put this on yourself. It is not somthing you did or didn't do that is making him want to cheat. Cheating is just in this guys blood and it will likely always be that way. Look, no man HAS to cheat on someone, its always their decision to do it. I for one have had an opportunity or two to cheat but would never dream of cheating on my significant other because that is the type of man I am. Unfortunately, your husband is not that type of man, I am worried that you and your husband are going to have troubles for a long time to come. Tell your hubby to be a man, accept the responsibilty of being in a marriage, and to stop acting like a dog in heat. Let him know the attention he gives other women is not unnoticed and it is not acceptable. Honestly if my wife cheated on me and still had those tendancies, it would be the end for us. I admire your perseverance and love for your husband.

Answer 9

If you don't want any professional help, then you are going to have to accept the fact that your husband is a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Men seem to have a need to screw everything that walks by them. They don't hold marriage in the same way women do. Face it, your husband wants more than you, and he aims to have it. Accept it and go on with your marriage. I hope that you don't have any little step children out of his infidelity. I am sure you two will be very happy together, especially while he is in another womans bed.

Answer 10

a man will only do...what you ALLOW him to do....see the problem here is that he has NO respect for you.he know that your self esteem is low, and he also knows that you are not going to leave him!

So you tell me...what would stop him from cheating, if you are not going to put your foot down? NOTHING! you are letting him have his cake and eat it too. are you older than him? what is it about this man that makes you so weak when it comes to standing up for yourself?

i think it's a shame that you have to worry day in and day out on if your husband will stay faithful! what kind of life is that to live? im not judging you... im just telling you like it is! and as far as you telling answerers not to tell you to get a divorce, or counseling, or tell you that you have low self esteem... it's basically evident that you are trying to hide from the truth. you want us to tell you that he isn't going to cheat... that you can do this majic trick to make him faithful... but guess what?

THERE ISN'T ONE.

you are going to either have to face reality, or keep living in a dream.....sorry if i was so blunt, but i like it told to me the way that it is....