I need some spiritual parenting advice.?

Question

A few days ago my family attended the memorial of my Grandfather (my dad's dad) and while we were there we spread my fathers ashes in a nearby lake he fished in. Well of course it was hard on us all especially my 4 year old. It's like shes just realizing that my dad is gone. She is so depressed seriously she walks around with his shirt on and she doesnt smile I feel so helpless please someone tell me what else I can do I already prayed over her and she cried she is so spiritually connected and so sensitive to others saddness but when your normally bubbly child is so low it tares out your heart. Please Help and pray of course.

Answer 1

don't mistake grief for depression - your child is grieving, and at that age, how you react or respond will be important for her later emotional development.(don't freak out! i'm sure you're doing great!! the fact that you care enough to ask here, and open enough that you don't already have 'the perfect answer' is proof of that!!)

i teach emotional literacy classes and have also worked in psycho/spiritual counselling. i understand your connection with your child makes this tough but sadness is a necessary part of life - grieving lets you know you VALUED someone who is no longer there and if you interrupt that you will limit her ability to value in the future. hug her and hold her through this, cry with her if you feel like it, but don't try and 'fix' this.

there's something i've seen, sometimes called 'spiritual abuse'....if a child lives in a place where problems are always and only handed over to God, where sadness is not ok, where a person's happiness is proof of their 'okaybess' they can have problems later in life. trust your child - emotions are instinctive and it sounds like she knows what she's doing!

hugs to the pair of you - you sound lovely - and my sincere condolences. i haven't lost a parent yet but i still miss my grandad - he made me a swing when i was a kid...and i've got a model aeroplane he carved out of wood when HE was a kid that is just amazing. i miss him because he was a special man....and now, i believe he has gone on to things i can only guess at and i think that's amazing - but i griieved him into a place in my heart that will always be special.

as a final word - there's a theory in humanistic psychotherapy(a good, sensible and spiritual approach) that says it isn't that our grief ever gets smaller but that we grow as a result of valuing/grieving so that we carry the loss as if it were lighter...but you need to allow the grieving for that to happen...'fixing' it will affect your child's spiritual/emotional development.

hugs
=)

Answer 2

I'm willing to bet she's pulling a lot of the sadness from everyone around her at this point. As silly or light as it may sound, drawing helps younger children. Including a child psychologist that specializes in loss of loved ones should probably be an important step. Asking her how she's doing and really listening might help. I realize she is only 4 but age doesn't matter, 4 or 40, she needs to go through what she needs to go through.

Answer 3

Aww.. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. :( I have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. The only thing I can think to say is, it's probably best to let her grieve at her own pace. It may take her a while to smile again, but if she feels rushed or if she feels like it's not ok to be sad, it could really confuse her. I think you're a good mom, naturally concerned, and you know her better than anyone...so before you even listen to anyone else just use that instinct. Feel it out. You'll do the right thing.

Answer 4

I went through a similar case, my 5 year old lost his grandmother( who he was extremely attached to) to breast cancer. The ill stages she went through were very obvious and it was clear her health was deteriorating. My son always saw this and it broke his heart, he prayed every night "God, please remind my grandma to take her medicine so she can get better and we can go water the plants........" that really broke my heart too. When it all ended he was scared, depressed and started acting out. We explained to him what death was and how grandma was now in a better place where she can see him at all times and does not have to take medicine or go to the doctor any more. We went to the library and found some children's books that explained death with stories they will enjoy. I know the loss of a family member is tought, but for our children we must always be strong. Keep "positive" about your loss your child will soon feel the "mood switch". It's ok if she wants to walk around with his shirt on it's normal my son still sleeps with his grandmother's sheet. It's hard for us parents that adore our children but you are her strenght. Good Luck and my condolences.

Answer 5

Please accept my condolences on the death of both your father and grandfather. How sad that you must deal with your own grief while helping a 4 year old through this experience!
The death of a loved one hurts so very much because, despite what we have been told, death is not a natural state. Naturally we want to contintue living and keep our loved ones beside us forever.
The Bible makes the promise: “Your dead ones will live. . . . They will rise up.” And the Bible also says: “The righteous themselves will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”—Isaiah 26:19; Psalm 37:29 The resurrection promises of God's word have given me much comfort since losing my own mother in death. I pray that they do the same for you and your little one.

Answer 6

From a Christian point of view, I've lost my wife's mother, Uncle, and Cousin all within a 6 month period. With my two boy's suffering from this depression, and mis-understanding of why people have to die. The sadness can be devistating at times...I told by boy's this..." Gave them a big hug, and told them that not to worry, there in a better place now, where everything is bright, and happy, there's no sadness there, and they have plenty of friends. One day you'll see them again yourself, and we will all understand when that time comes."

Answer 7

As her parent, you need to teach her how to grieve. Let her know it is okay to feel sad, but there is happiness too because her grandfather has moved on to a new place. Also spend time remebering and laughing about all of the good, funny things they did together. She may need to see a psychologist.

Answer 8

Im assuming that you believe in Heaven. I always feel better when I think of loved ones in Heaven watching over me. Maybe explain she will get to see him again and that he doesn't want her to be sad. Does she go to sunday school? Maybe have her SS leader or the preacher (whatever form that might be) talk to her.

Its a very hard time for her and I hope things get better soon.

Answer 9

As a person who lost my mother at a young age I can tell you the best thing for you to do is be there if she needs you. That means let her have space and time to morn. Do not expect her to forget or act like there is not a piece of her life missing. You need time to grieve, so does she.

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sending prayers and positive energy to both you and your daughter.

When I lost my father, my son , like your daughter, was devastated. I had to allow him his time to grieve, but I also let him know that his Grandpa was still with him and still watching over him. I would talk about all of the happy times, the funny things he did, and how much his Grandpa loved him and wouldn't want him to hurt so badly. Like everything else, it got better over time. (It always takes time to heal.)

While grieving for herself, your daughter is also empathic to your emotional energy. She's going to pick up on it, and you really can't hide it. As difficult as it is, take the time to broadcast love and positive thoughts her way.

She will heal. She, like everyone else, has to go through the process of grieving. Let her know that is okay, and that her Grandpa will always love her, listen to her, and be there for her.

Again, my condolences to you and your family.