fighting with family?

Question

I have sometimes intense fights with my family over my ethics. I never push my ethics on them, and in fact they bring it up and call me weird, crazy, tell me they couldn't live without meat, things like that and I just say "fine thats what you think" and they keep pushing it. They have always made fun of me because I'm pretty clumsy and they call me a nerd and things like that. They make fun of my dog, who I take everywhere with me, calling her dumb, stupid, fat, and my uncle says she's a rat and needs to be shot. I tell them to back off and leave me alone, but it starts a new fight. I try to not let it get to me, but it does after a while and ends with me screaming at them or sitting in a room alone until I can leave. I'm a teenage girl with the usual insecurities and things like that, so it makes it so much worse. I don't have the choice to not go to family functions unless I fake sick, which I have on occasion. How can I tell them to back off without starting another fight?

my dog is a 15$ stray I got from the animal shelter. I love my family, and want to spend time with them without being the butt of all their jokes.

It's my aunts, uncle, and cousins who make fun of me. My mom and one of my uncles tries to talk to me to keep my mind off of them.

My mom got my dog for me for my birthday and she is a pomeranian/chihuahua mix. I love her to death

When I tell them to back off its more "can you please leave Lil (my dog) and me alone" in a timid voice

I didn't care when I knew they were joking and would say "we're just kidding with you Linsey" but now they just keep it going. I think they got used to me not standing up for myself because I hate confrontation unless I'm extremely angry. I just don't know how to stand up for myself. I've imagined myself many times just screaming "LEAVE ME AND MY DOG THE HE LL ALONE!!" or "SHUT THE HE LL UP I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE" or even just hitting one of my cousins. But I can't even tell them to leave me alone in real life. I know I'm an easy target, my friends pick on me sometimes too. I just don't know how to stand up for myself without becoming a bully too.

Its not that I'm worried that my dog will be embarrased its that she means the world to me and I don't like having the people(i think of my dog as a part of the family) I love made fun of. I have a really soft heart, and I rarely ever stay mad at anyone, even the people who make fun of me, for longer than a day.

I'm in several clubs at school, and hardly ever have a hard time with anyone in them.

I do ignore it, and they keep gong until they say something that gets me going. I can't stand the thought of anyone or anything getting hurt, and have a different political view than everyone else in my family, and they talk about how the homeless choose to be that way because they are a bunch of lazy drunks, which I completely disagree with, and usually gets me going. Or when they talk about me like I'm not in the room, saying vegetarians are a bunch of crazy freaks from PETA(which I'm not)

Answer 1

It's hard to be a teenager because this is the time when you're developing and looking for role models (at least you know what you're not going to do). Like all families, blood is thicker than water. Lots of people have dysfunctional families, and I know it's hard not to take it personally. Try and find other social outlets, join a club whether it's book reading, knitting or some other craft to be with people who are not family and see how you interact with them. Don't withdraw into yourself because it's really hard to come out when you need & want to later.

Your dog sounds really cute. I love both Pomerani & chihuahuas - what a mix. With your family behaving as they do, I can see why your pet means a lot to you. It's terrible that the only way they focus on you is destructive. People who don't know how to be happy unless they're picking on someone. Everyone who has dysfunctional families have had episodes like yours, believe me.

My best answer is that they are who they are and most of the time they are not going to change. You just have to change the person who you are. Don't let them get under your skin and do something good with your life. That itself will be proof that you don't have to be like them. And yes, you will grow up and get a good education so that unlike many of them, you can have options as to where life takes you.

Answer 2

Well i think they enjoy tormenting you because they get a reaction. As with most bullies while they get a reaction they keep on doing it. So you have to learn to be smart and pick your battles. Next time someone picks on you for not eating meat just smile and say" you are entitled to your opinion thankyou for sharing" and continue whatever you were doing and IGNORE it. Don't make it a big deal . If you train yourself to not react to these jibes the fun will go out of it and eventually they won't bother,though it will take some time. Oh and your dog won't be embarrassed at all so long as you love it and care for it ,it won't care that its the butt of the family joke. So you have to stop taking it so personally.Remember no reaction or being calm and rational beats out bullying behaviour.

Answer 3

i used to be friends with a girl who had a mother who was a bully and a family that was very closed minded so i feel for you. my family used to tease me sometimes too but i developed a tough skin and began to find their fault which made them back off allot. that doesn't always work though. i also used to tell them that as soon as i was old enough they would have anyone to pick on anymore because i wouldn't be around for them to do it to me. they as adults should be ashamed of themselves for crushing your self esteem and making you feel like an outcast. but honestly even though they are family, they are people and people can be jerks and can also not want to see the error of their ways so don't be too surprised that if you tell them how much it really hurts you and is not funny to you that the refuse to stop. just remember that 18 comes really fast so save up all the money you can so that you can get out of there asap. sometimes absense can be the best thing to give others time to think about what they have done and said to you.

Answer 4

First of all, these guys are WAY out of line, but maybe they don't realize how much they are really hurting you. They are your family, and must have some considerable amount of love for you. Sit down and have a discussion with your parents about this. Discussing the topic in a mature matter will make them take you more seriously. Simply say something along the lines of, " I really don't like it when you do _____, it makes me feel _____, and I don't like that. Is there any way you could not do this?" With any luck, they will realize the effort you put into coming up with a mature, considerate response to their comments. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

well no family should be fighting with you like this. The best thing to do is tell them if they are going to fight with you about something is leave, and leave until they can be nice. There is no reason on earth why Adults should be picking on teenagers. Ok if your dog was a stray fine, but you should have gotten your parents permission to get a dog in the first place. Those chihuahua dogs are rat-dogs I have to admit.

Answer 6

i think that's wrong of your family to be fighting like that. don't say back off...that's not the right thing to be saying to your family...you should tell them that you're really getting hurt by what they're saying to you and about your dog. you should say if they really love you they would stop calling you names and being rude and mean. that is not what a normal family would do. if i were you i would be crying and saying, "I HATE YOU!" and then storming off to my room to cry more and eventually they would understand that this is a hugely big problem. once their kid says i hate you to them, all of their hope sinks out of them and then the only thing they would be thinking about is their kid, why does their kid hate them? is there a reason? of course, they'll think about it and until they do, don't come out of your room. you can go to the bathroom and at meal times, come down, grab your plate and storm back upstairs. this is not normal, so i had trouble with what advice to give you. Good luck!
~LeA~

Answer 7

Name calling, shaming and mocking are all forms of verbal abuse. You might not be able to change how your family acts but you can change how you respond to avoid escalating the situation to a fight. Patricia Evans wrote a book called "Teen Torment: Overcoming Verbal Abuse at Home and at School." You can read chapters online to see if it sounds like what you are experiencing.

Answer 8

I used to have this problem with my brothers. They would make fun of me for just about everything, and it always ended in me crying or telling on them. But finally, I decided to take a counselor's advice, and just ignore them. To my surprise, it worked. They noticed that it just wasn't bothering, and moved onto a different target.

Answer 9

Ok, you should try to talk to your parents about how the family makes you feel sometimes. Open up to them, it may be a little awkward but it would help a lot.

Answer 10

Try to calmly explain to them that when they make fun of you and your dog, that it hurts you, that it makes you feel bad, and that you hate to argue with them. Ask them if they have nothing nice to say can they please not say anything so you guys can avoid arguing....

Just don't let them bug you, you know how they are and you know what makes them tick, so try to do your best to avoid going down that road that you know leads to arguments.