I don't have any desire to be apart of this wedding as it is a second wedding for both and between them they have 7 kids.
2007-08-14 03:12:02 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Absolutely, this is proper etiquette. Just because you married him does not mean you should be in the wedding of his friends. The groom chooses his groomsmen from his closest friends and family. He does not choose bridesmaids...you have nothing to do with your husband being asked.
Now, if the invitations come out, and only your husband is invited...THAT is rude. Since he is in the wedding, his spouse/partner should be invited to attend the event. If it is an out of town event, his family should be invited (meaning, wife and kids) because it is unfair to expect a family to try to arrange babysitting for children for more than an evening.
2007-08-14 04:25:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes...there is no law that says you have to include a couple in your wedding party. However, it IS bad etiquette to invite only one half of a couple to the wedding. If my fiance was invited to a wedding and I wasn't, I would take it as an insult. But he was in the wedding party last year, and I wasn't. But I still was invited to both the rehearsal dinner and wedding.
BTW, what does it matter if they have 7 kids between them? My fiance and I have 5 between us, does that mean we deserve less of a wedding because of that? It doesn't matter if they have 15 kids between them...it is THEIR day and they can choose to celebrate it any way they choose. For all you know, they could have gotten married at the courthouse their first time and now they want a nice wedding. That's the case with my fiance and I. Sounds like you have more issues with this wedding than just your husband being in it. It's none of your business how they get married, and if you have such a large problem with it, don't attend.
2007-08-14 03:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by KitKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There has been no breech in etiquette here. Wedding parties are chosen based on the individuals' relationships to the bride & groom. While it is proper etiquette to invite the spouse of a guest to a wedding, there is no etiquette rule that says if a married person is in the wedding party, then the spouse must be also. Actually, I've never even heard of that being done!
2007-08-14 03:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by Katie S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no requirement to invite both members of a couple to be in a wedding party - even if they're married.
The point of wedding parties is to have the people who are closest to the happy couple stand up with them as a sign of support for the marriage. You've stated that you don't support the marriage, and that's more than enough reason not to ask you to stand with them.
And since you don't want to be in the wedding, I really don't know why you're looking for an insult here. Just thank goodness you dodged the bullet of having to tell them you don't want to be part of it.
Besides, if it was really proper etiquette to have the spouses of your attendants in the wedding, too, my wedding party would have just about doubled in size and my beloved and I would both have had people we really didn't want in our wedding party since nearly all of our attendants were married. I wouldn't have wanted to cut out my best friend from my wedding because my beloved had only a passing acquaintance with her husband!
Miss Manners doesn't care what the relationship between members of the wedding party might be, so long as they sincerely wish the happy couple well and plan to support the marriage.
2007-08-14 03:55:45 · answer #4 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people are getting confused. She's not saying she isn't invited to the wedding. She's saying she isn't a bridesmaid/matron of honor.
This is completely fine. Why should a couple feel like they HAVE to ask you to be in the wedding party just because they asked your husband? Thats not nice of you to assume they would. If you didn't have a desire, you should not care enough to ask here. Really, its not a big deal. Be there for them, be there for your husband, be humble and help as much as you can. Thats what good people do.
2007-08-14 04:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by Des 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you talking about him being in the wedding, or being invited to the wedding?
If he was asked to be a groomsman in the wedding, or take some active role in the wedding, there is absolutely nothing that says his spouse also gets to be in it also. Just because he was doesn't mean you have to also be a bridesmaid, or whatever.
If only he was invited to attend the wedding, and not you or your kids, that would be another thing. They should have at least invited you..some times weddings happen without children invited these days.
2007-08-14 04:22:51 · answer #6 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. There is nothing that says a person's spouse has to be asked to be in the wedding party as well. Now, if you weren't invited to the wedding at all, that would be a whole other story. I wouldn't try to use this as an excuse to have no part in their special day nor to convince your husband not to either. They've done nothing wrong.
2007-08-14 03:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by Nic 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
When people get married THEY choose who they want in their wedding party. Regardless of how many times they have been married or how many kids they have. There is no etiquette rule saying that they should ask you to be in the wedding party.
2007-08-14 03:21:29 · answer #8 · answered by arrianna_vt 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been to plenty of weddings where my date was in the wedding party and I was not. You're going as his guest. You don't have to be included in the wedding. Besides...if it were my wedding...I wouldn't want you in it because apparently you think you're much better than the couple getting married! Just go with your husband and congratulate the couple on hopefully finding what they're looking for this time.
2007-08-14 03:18:43 · answer #9 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the wedding party is under no obligation to include you simply because you're his spouse. My wife was a bridesmaid (bridesmatron, I suppose would be the technical term, as she was married) and I was not invited into the actual wedding party. I was of course invited as a guest, but not as part of the formal wedding party.
As a result we sat at separate tables, which worked out for the best anyway. That way my drunken wedding reception antics didn't immediately reflect badly on her. ;)
2007-08-14 03:17:33 · answer #10 · answered by P.I. Joe 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋