I can't believe the intolerance I witnessed on here yesterday.......?

Question

I asked a question concerning my son, as any mother I dream of him growing up and getting into a relationship. The only difference is that my husband and I are both bisexual and he was in a gay relationship for 9 years prior to meeting me. I asked about having feelings about wanting my son to be gay, meaning of course to grow up like his dad. Everyone, save for a few, bashed me and told me that I was a horrible mother and should give my child up for adoption. I was told that since my husband was in a gay relationship for 9 years that he would never truly love me. I was even told that it is people like me who give gay people a bad name. How is wanting my son to be gay any different from a heterosexual man wanting his son to grow up just like daddy? I even mentioned in the post that I would love my child no matter what and would never ever ush my sexual politics on him.

Is there really that much of a prejudice agains

not at all looking for reations. Yesterday was a serious question, today is a serious question. We are bisexual and our lifestyle promotes me asking questions like this because this is what we think about in our lives. Just because some people see this as abnormal does not mean that it is.

Answer 1

I am sorry that you got that yesterday. Trust me, I DO understand. I wish people would get their heads out of their conservitive hateful butts long enough to see that we are not all cookie cutter copies.

Answer 2

Yes, there is definately that much of a prejudice against the choices you and your husband have made/are making. Most people minimally tolerate gay people but see bisexual people as being completely immoral. I am not saying they are right, understand, but I am saying if you are making this choice and so is he, the day will come it will be a huge problem for your son.

When your son is older and has friends, if they ever get any kind of idea about this, I guarantee those friend will vanish. If not from their own predjudice then from their parents fears.

I would strongly suggest you discuss some things at home alone together only, and not have it be general knowledge. Keep your private life private, not for the children, neighbors or friends to know about. Do not share your choices. Make it no one else's business and keep it that way.

It does not mean you cannot be a great Mom! But looking out for your son first, over your own choices and what you or your husband like to do, is what it takes to be a great Mom.

Answer 3

You have a right to want certain things for your son and it doesn't matter if your husband was in a gay relationship prior to you two meeting and marrying. No you should not give you child up for adopt to put off what some of the others said. Your sexuality does not change you being a good and loving parent. I am glad that you are not pushing your child into a certain sexuality because he will do what he feels most comfortable with. If he is gay he will get a boyfriend, if he is straight he will have a girlfriend and if he is bi, like you and your husband then it's a toss up as to what gender he will fall for first. The point is that you love him no matter his sexual orientation and that is the way it should be. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Good for you.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, there is that much prejudice against everything now. People can be horribly judgmental and ugly when it comes to matters that they either don't understand, or don't care to know about. It's been bred in us that homosexuality in any form is wrong and a sin. Which is ok. However, most people that believe this are so close minded to anything other than their beliefs that they cannot tolerate anything different.
I do not think that you are a horrible mother or that you need your child taken away because of your thoughts on this. It's normal for a parent to like the thought of their child growing up to be like them. Whether it's being a sports star, a successful businessman, or regarding their sexual preference.
I don't understand why people can't just keep their mouths shut when they have nothing constructive or at least decent to say.

Answer 5

I do not agree with your lifestyle, but I will not judge you. It does not bother me or offend me, however it is not what I would choose for myself. That being said, you make a valid point in stating that you wanting your son to be just like daddy is no different from a heterosexual male wanting the same for his son. I read your question yesterday and I think that you do have your son's best interest at heart. Every parent wants what is best for their children and you seem to be no different. I do have to say that regardless of the level of acceptance of homosexuality, if your son son were to be gay, you and your husband obviously have the experience to help him through difficult times. In a perfect world, people would see other people for their integrity and who they are as opposed to their sexual orientation. I commend you for standing up for you and your lifestyle. As far as the prejudice goes, one of my good friends is gay. He doesn't advertise it and if you did not know him, you would never know that about him. He is very professional at work and very well spoken. However, when people find out that he is gay, they treat him differently. I think people are scared of what they don't understand and anything that is different from them. Good Luck to you!!!

Answer 6

I am confused. You said that yesterday and today you asked serious questions...what is your question today? Are you asking if society is as intolerant as what you witnessed on Yahoo Answers?....because you never really asked.

I don't personally care if a person is heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual or asexual...I have a few of everything in my friends and family. My question is....why are you asking this in a free-for-all forum, then getting offended? When you go onto a somewhat anonymous questions page, people write whatever they want. Some of it is good, some is bad, most of it's ignorant and some of it is purposefully inflamatory to get your goat. I always get a giggle over some of the sarcastic responses from Dalice (although this time she's a little straighter with her answer....no pun intended).

It's fine if you choose a so-called alternative lifestyle and wish this on your son, just don't open it up to public scrutiny and take it personally.

Answer 7

I am sorry there is so much prejudice around here, but it does exist and if you fall outside the "norm" and publish it you are opening the door for all kinds of hate and judgment. You and your husband have every right to live your own lifestyle, and part of that includes the way you raise your children. As long as you are not abusing your children raising them in your lifestyle is normal. We are all different, we all live life different, we all have different views, and we all have different likes and dislikes. I see nothing wrong with what you posted, but since it does not conform with the beliefs of others on this board they took the liberty of bashing you, rather then trying to understand what you were saying. Unfortunately this seems to be the way society is, I am sure you have to hide much of your lifestyle from family , neighbors, and others in your everyday life - it shouldn't be that way but it is. Good luck with your endeavors.

Answer 8

hi,
i have had several gay men friends and they all were wonderful ,caring human beings and i wish that more men would be as open and honest with the way they feel ,i agree with Yoak above with it being harder people are judgemental and more harsh with a subject about children i had posted a question about how to handle my 2 year old sons bad behavior i was practically in tears with some of the mean responses from now on i wont post any q's on there i would rather take my q's to my mother who wrote me on there in disguise and i knew it was her lol. I dont believe you are a bad mom and dad obviously you care and love your baby and to the response about your husband not being able to totaly love you thats bull sh&$ who are they god?i dont think so ,with the thing about you hoping your son would be gay ,my mother often wishes some of her daughters were gay because of the problems her girls had with guys they were dating and having kids with as long as your child is incouraged to live the way he feels secure and loved and is healthy (just a good person) i see that as doing your job as a parent .
no one should lose there child over a sexual preferance, that is ignorance pure and simple
hard to say but being a parent is tough enough but to add on the stress of something like that must be hard good luck and god bless
especialy with a touchy subject like this

Answer 9

To most people, the dream is a little strange. My husband and I have discussed what we would do if one of our children came to us later in life and said that they were gay but neither of us would truely want one of them to be that way. I am very open minded about homosexuality and believe that it is okay if a person feels that way. I have a sister that is a Lesbien and we have always gotten along good. I would love my child not matter what he/she chose in life.
I think it is just a little hard to swollow for most people though. Especially, in the predominately Christian society we live in and everyone preaching how homosexuality is wrong.
No one should judge you for your feelings and you should not be told that you are a bad mother for this. Some people just don't understand or can't understand where you are comming from.
Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 10

Its a sad sick world we live in, so yes there is that much prejudice against gay people. My mom is actually gay and even tho I'm not it still puts a lot on me, because i can't invite friends over without having to worry about what they are going to think and whether its gonna get around the school. But i digress. You can wish whatever you want to wish lady, but your son is gonna grow up to be who he wants to be. You can influence some of his decisions, but in the end he's gonna be the one with the most say. I suggest that you let him grow up to be who he wants to be and guide him and protect him and let him make his own decisions, because that is the only way he is gonna grow. But if you decide to smother him and mold him to be who you want him to be, when he does go out on his own he probably won't come back leaving you and your husband sad and pretty much alone. The decision is yours, I'm just here to help. Thanks for listening, Sweet and spicey

Answer 11

Everyone is very quick to judge and criticize. I know you would, but you should love your child for however he turns out.
The gay lifestyle definitly isn't for me, i tend to have concerns but, that being said, i have gay friends who are the most wonderful people and are not in anyway pushy or stereotypical. I think if you and your husband love your son and raise him to be loving and respectful and open to others, that's all that matters! My best friends dad is gay and her and her siblings are not, they all grew up healthy, happy and more aware of today's ever changing society. I think for people to say you are unfit and need to put your child up for adoption is just ignorant but it just goes to show how self centered and ignorant our society can be. For some reason nowadays, people would much prefer to listen to one hypocrite on TV than make up their own minds on what they think of a situation. And if in their minds it isn't considered text book norm. then you need therapy and your kid taken away. This is why i hate yahoo answers to be honest. No matter what you ask or how you ask it, someone is going to be pompus and arrogant and rude.
Raise your son to have love, compassion and respect, and irriguardless of if he's gay or not at least he will be a decent person!