Meeting my in-laws, how do i get them to like me?

Question

I have met them 2x before, but they seem to not like me.

When i speak to them they dont talk back, or barely look at me. I taken gifts everytime i seen them but nothing seems to work.

I dress normal - wear tradtional indian clothes etc nothing reaveling.

Told my hubby about this and he said they like me.

Sometimes when hubby goes alone to see them, and when he returns - he tells me they were asking about me, whether am ok etc. which i find hard to beleive.
He did say numerous time that they like me - but thats when am not there with his family

But why do i get cold vibes when am there near them?

why do they seem to care when am not there and then blank me out when i see them?

I do not get warm welcome etc, and get really strange looks from mother-in law that makes me feel really uneasy

i dont know what to do.

everytime when i say i dont feel like going to see his parents - husband thinks i dont like them etc and turns into an argument

what do i do?

Answer 1

Maybe there are just as uncomfortable as you are. Don't give up visiting them You will never build a relationship that way.

Keep trying and be patient. Try and do something together you would all enjoy.

Answer 2

Continue being you. Don't try anything, the next time you visit just hang and observe how they interact. Sometimes we have to remain at the level of others especially our in-laws. Family is important, that's the only reason why I'd consider this compromise. Don't make this about you, it's really about them. As long as you and your hubby are in love that's all that matters. That's all you can really do OR be woman enough and confront your mother-n-law as to the way you feel. IE: is there something that I have ever said or done to you....believe me that takes guts and it can gain the respect back it deserves. Good luck!

Answer 3

Just plant a big smile on your face, nod and agree where appropriate and get around it as best you can. On the way home chat about it with your Hubby but then leave it at that. In laws sometimes take quite a while to get used to...for both of you. Don't turn it into an arguement with your Hubby as you will both end up screaming every time and if you love each other it's not worth it...you with him for him not his family.

Answer 4

1st off try not to focus on it so much, the more you think they don't like you, then you'll begin to actually believe that they don't, which is not the case, don't let what you think hinder you. When you think like that, you tend to notice little things, such as the way they look at you or feeling un-welcome, it's all in your head. When you see those things learn to not dwell on them, because most of the time it's really nothing, just ignore it & forget it.

It takes time for in-laws to accept each other, right now you're in the early stages, at this point they're checking you out still, they're trying to get a feel for you, getting to know you, they wanna make sure you're good for your husband. So just be nice, and get to know them, don't be scared to be yourself and don't shy away from them, make the effort to treat them as you'd like to be treated, show them that you want to know them and that you're a good person. And if nothing works then don't worry because you made the effort, you tried to make things work and that's all that really matters.

You'll be fine, don't worry.

Answer 5

The best thing you can do when developing a relationship with you in-laws is just be yourself.
Accept that your in-laws aren't your parents. You aren't supposed to make them love you: friendly and respectful relationship is good enough. Once again: they're not your parents.
You may feel hurt because you want them to love you and you don't get it from them. You're hurt because you EXPECT too much. You can't change their attitude towards you but you can change your expectations. You'll feel much better.
Building a good relationship with your in laws is going to take time. A good thing to remember is that it might not be you that they are against, it may just be the idea that their child is married and out on their own .
Create your own (separate from your husband) relationship with your in-laws. If you are having conflicts with your in-laws, talking to your spouse to get their opinion is a good thing; however, making your spouse the middle person to solve your conflict with your in-laws and his or her parents is not fair. This is a life long relationship with your in-laws; learn to deal with them in a pleasant way.
Most in-laws want a good relationship with their son/daughter-in-law.

Answer 6

You have told your hubby how you feel and these are his parents. He has to understand how you feel. He has turned a blinds eye to how they are treating you. You have every right to say I really don't want to go. it is hard for parents to let go of their child. You can only continue to be kind in hopes that they turn around their feelings. If they don't then you need to do what is right for you and stay away so you don't feel bad.

Answer 7

hi hon.

some people just come off as "cold". and it's difficult to warm up to people like this.

gather your dignity, act like a lady and just be YOU.... we can't expect everyone to welcome us with open arms, because everyone isn't that way... (unfortunately).

no use arguing with your husband about it... your visits to the in-law's house is only a small amount of time out of your life.

perhaps if you're patient, things will change in time. take care ok?

Answer 8

Maybe you are being to sensitive. Sometimes it takes people longer to warm up then other people. Just go with him be nice and friendly and see what happens. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Be your self. Don´t disguise. Maybe you talk not loud enough that they didn´t hear you. Maybe you´re keen observer. That´s normal for the beginning. Both need adjustments.

Answer 10

Be yourself, if they dont like you for who u are, then no matter what you do they will never like you. Dont waste your energy trying to change their minds as long as your husband loves you everything is fine