My fiance told me Saturday that he is no longer "in-love" with me...but still loves me. I moved 2 hours away from my hometown to be with him while he was in school last year...now I have to turn around and move back and start over again. He says we lost the spark...and wants to try and work things out-he knows I still love him deeply and that I'm NOT going to give up. Any advice out there on what to do? I still love him deeply...and as weird as it sounds-we've been closer since Saturday. We still hug and kiss each other and even tell each other we love each other. We've been together 3 1/2 years, engaged over a year now. Wedding was set for October 13-everything paid for and bought-including all bridesmaids dresses and my gown. I'm so lost and confused-HELP!
2007-08-14 02:44:13 · 17 answers · asked by dani_m_w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have both decided together that we won't be seeing other people. This was a decision made together. And we aren't "breaking-up"-we're just spliting.
2007-08-14 03:04:40 · update #1
My advice:
Let go, It's over. The more you hang to him, the more pain you will cause yourself. He was honest with you and you have to accept the thruth. Face the facts and do not prolong this agony by keep on holding on to nothing. You will hurt yourself if you do.
I know that that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. I'm very sorry.
Good luck
PS/ 1. Loving but not being "in love" is an euphemism for "I want to shag someone else".
2. Begging and chasing him will only make him disrespect you, ignore you and avoid you so you will go away. It will hurt your self steem.
3. Show him that you can be happy with or without him. Go back to school, get a job, etc... let him know that life will not end for you and that you are an independent, mature woman...that will drive him crazy.
2007-08-14 02:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 10⤊ 0⤋
To answer your questions: Can you do a vow renewal? Yes. It's a very quick and informal ceremony. Make all decisions about this and any party to follow as a wife and not as a bride. You were a bride 3 years ago and now you're an old married couple. It could hurt you socially and professionally to have a dress up party to pretend any different. A second ceremony? No. You had a wedding the day you married your best friend, and that was your choice. Regret does not erase that. You can invite your family and you can wear any dress you like, though bridal lace would be weird and you could not have a veil or train. You could choose a color and cut that's actually flattering on you. You can have a beautiful cake and a party limited only by your budget and imagination. You just would not expect gifts nor have any of the bridal things like tossing the bouquet. No first dance or dance with dad, and no one is giving you away. You don't have attendants or pre-vow parties or anything like that. It's more like an anniversary party really. No one has to administer the vows, and since there are no official papers to sign, anyone could do it or you don't need anyone. Just read or recite whatever vows you want to each other.. Best wishes.
2016-05-17 09:49:25 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm very sorry to hear that this happened, I truly am. But it very well could be a blessing in disguise. If he says he's "not in love with you" two months before your wedding, this is something that really needed to be addressed before you went through with everything and all the while, he's still harboring these feelings. You would not want to be married to someone who didn't reciprocate the same feelings. So, what I'm confused about though is you saying "he left you" when you're still together and are closer?? Did he just want to call off the wedding because he knew it was exactly two months away and got cold feet or does he want to postpone it until he feels he's ready to move on with you? Either way, it sounds kind of fishy to me and honestly, he seems a little unstable. On one hand, I commend him for being honest and upfront with you BEFORE the wedding but then on the other hand, if he tells you it's over, it needs to be over for your sake especially. There's nothing worse than being strung along by your ex-fiance with no light at the end of the tunnel.
2007-08-14 03:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What!? So you have the relationship without the title? I would see where he stands. You deserve to know how he feels and to know where your relationship sounds. As for the wedding, I don't know what to tell you. It sucks that everything is paid for and such. What you two really need to work on is your relationship....I would suggest counseling. If you both love each other and think its worth it to save, then go for it. Love is not just a feeling, its a verb...you have to actively do it. If he is "splitting up" with you just because he doesn't feel a certain feeling...maybe he doesn't understand what love is in the first place. When married or in a committed, real, relationship, there will be times where you may not like the person, or may not have loving feelings, but you still love them because it is an action and a commitment. I don't know if this helped, but I suggest that you counsel or let him go. Good luck!
2007-08-14 07:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by alishabrbr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe cold feet. Had cple friends go through it. 1 cple did get married . The other didn't. So maybe he'll come around before it's time. Just don't bring it up. He's thinking it over some how. give him some space. maybe deal with it after the set date. you don't want to married to someone that isn't sure do you?
If not you's can have an unwedding party. like in alice in wonderland
2007-08-14 02:57:13 · answer #5 · answered by ball 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like a tipical dumb male and when its so close to the big day but if you think about it hes not ready so thats his way of backing out so I let him go his own way and i bet he will come back begging,I know its a pain all the work you put into it btu its better than rushing into somthing that will hurt bith of you in the long run,I sit him down and see really where his head is then take it from there.Good luck
2007-08-14 02:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by carin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thumbs up to Blunt's answer. You need to cut your ties, and move on. There are too many other people out there.
From a guy's point of view, your fiance is just stringing you along. He is probably already seeing someone else on the side. But he's keeping you in the picture in case this new relationship does not work out.
2007-08-14 02:57:39 · answer #7 · answered by Grifter75 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me and I was heartbroken. My fiance told me the SAME EXACT things you just said he told you. Well after he was staying with his friend for about 2 weeks he realized how much he missed me and he came home. We are getting married in a few months and we have never been happier. Sometimes men just have to get out there and see for themselves there isn't anything else for them that is better than what they already have. Jerks. But still I think you have a good shot of working it out with him.
2007-08-14 02:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Linz ♥ VT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you would still want to marry him after he said that to you.... I would just try to be glad the he told you this NOW instead of after the wedding. Starting over could be very good for you. Maybe you will even meet someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you forever!
2007-08-14 02:54:00 · answer #9 · answered by Dangerous Person 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry - this must be very difficult for you! Honestly, though... why would you want to marry someone who's not in love with you? It sounds to me like he's playing games. he still wants to have you around when he wants to make out, but he's not willing to commit to you. As hard as it is, I think it's time to move on and find a guy who will be madly in love with you! Good luck, hon!
2007-08-14 02:50:59 · answer #10 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋