4 year old won't listen to her dad?

Question

my 4 year old girl is very independant. and a daddy's girl. but when it comes to disapline from him she'll have nothing to do with it. she ignores him and talks back or will scream to try and get my attention. altho she sometimes talks back to me.. i am able to disapline her better without the fights help! why won't she listen to her dad when she is deff. a daddy's girl.

for those who wonder he is her step father but has been the only one i her life since 6 months. he is her only day. also i do jump in when i notice she's talking back and hes not getting anywhere.. : (

Answer 1

I think the dad needs to be stern, not harsh, but give discipline at ALL times. Because, maybe he's being a real softie (which i can understand because, come on, your baby girl) but maybe she thinks he's the nice one, won't make her do anything. (I don't know how it is but i'm just guessing)...

hope i helped a little.

Answer 2

At 4 you'd better start getting control or by the time she is 10 you will be totally out of control.

Start by ignoring her when she screams and then yells to get your attention. Go into anothe room, etc. Do not give her eye contract. Make sure hubby knows what you are going to do.

When she talks back to either of you, pick her up, no eye contact, and put her in a quiet corner or area (like the bathroom) for three minutes. If she gets up say no you sit there quietly. After enough consistent control, she will learn that you are the boss. Consistently is vital NOW.

Why won't she listen to her Dad, because she knows she does not have to. That someone, he or you, will eventually give her the attention she wants. This is called negative attention seeking and the only way to end it is to ignore what you can and consistently consequate when you cannot ignore it. No one dies from screaming, crying, etc.

Google "positive behavior supports" for great information.

Answer 3

this may be off the wall....but when you and he have an arguement or fight does she witness it? Is she copying either one of you? I'm not sure what your type of discipline is but what if once its given/stated he totally ignores her? Sits on the couch and starts reading a book or whatever and wont look at, talk to or eye contact until she behaves? I had one that I tried almost everything with-she screamed, I screamed(not at her-just sat on the bed and screamed *it did work with one child), everything she did I copied until it became a game which ended up with my nose on the wall and her next to me doing the same. I kept the punishment short(like 7 minutes) that time and told her it would be shorter next time if we didnt have to go through all the stuff before hand. It was long enough to redirect her, yet also long enough for her to hate being ignored. just a thought-good luck! sheri

Answer 4

At four kids are feeling their Independence and expanding their opinions. This is not unusual in anyway. Yes its very frustrating. PaParentsts need to be a united front in the presents of the child(ren) and should discuss differences in private. Jumping in to back up dad is fine. She is also learning who she can control and how. This is natural progression of child development. Remember united front on parenting issues. If she will not listen then its time to learn about Time Out, losing a toy for a period of time and how to say she is sorry when it blows over. She is also starting to develop a sense of consciousness, she will feel funny when she dose wrong, she is experiencing new feelings and is learning how to deal with them. United front! Time out for disrespect (or it will become a life long pattern). Good luck

Answer 5

Since the child is independant,telling her "go right now ad do that!" won't get her attention.Your yelling will just make you look funny in her eyes,even if she is scared for a moment.You have to discipline her appropriately.And telling someone "Do that!" Why? Because I tell you so!" is a really stupid and ignorant way to bring up a child who (as his/her parents hope) will one day turn into an understanding, responsible, kind person.So,what discipline are you talking about?If it is even one of these - spanking, yelling, criticizing, threatening, humiliating, making her do something you want by any of these - then what else do you expect?
You need to learn appropriae discipline which will be useful with your daughter,right?I recommend you positive discipline.Since I'm not an author or something but I just practice it (with the highest success I could imagine),I am giving you the site to check and probably buy a book by Jane Nelsen (she is the only author who presents in all the books).I suggest "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" in the best for you right now.The book costs some dollars but noone can just send you the things you will learn from it.So,try it - nothing to lose,only to use:)Here is the site - http://www.positivediscipline.com/

Answer 6

hey beautiful

she sees that her dad is very "relaxed" towards her (u said she is a dadys girl) so thats why she thinks that she can get away with things with him... i suggest that her father be alittle stickter !~! so he would be able to displine her alittle more then he does.. bit by bit se would start listeniong to him more and more...

during this time that her father is doing that .. you can have a talk with her.. she is 4 years old she would understand if you tell her.. have a talk to her about why she should listen to him and that it is wrong for her to scream and yell at him...

if hat dosnt work then her father should stop treating her like a "princess" or whatever and start being harder with her.. not getting her things she wants untill she pays him some respect.. i am sure one of these things will work !!!

i have seen thishappen before to someone i know.. and these things that i mave just told you have made it work out !!

wishing you all the best !!

Answer 7

First off you have to stop stepping in NOW. That just shows her daddy is not the one she needs to listen too. I know it's hard, my 19 month old son only listens to me. But you need to let him handle it, I leave the room and often go outside when my husband need to discipline our son. He need to be firm and she when start to learn who is the boss. If she is a daddy's girl she may not listen because she thinks he will give in. You both need to stay strong and you need to stay out of it. Trust me it works, it just take time and patience

Answer 8

Sounds like she runs over him. Maybe he should shadow you for a day and not respond to her...just watch your interaction with your daughter. Then he should try to keep that same rapport with her. It will take a few days to break the cycle..that is if he can be consistent and stern when when needed. She will appreciate this when she is older. Every girl values a dad that she views as maintaining a naura of strength as they grow up.

Answer 9

Sorry but i have got to ask, when your hubby disciplines your child do you interfere? And to get daddy back on track its time he took control or god help him when she gets to being a teenager...he would possible benefit from the naughty step routine and get through to her that way...its a method you could both use...and to me sounds like maybe daddy was too soft with her and now she learnt the art of manipulation...try using the naughty step for discipline and please tell your hubby to not argue with her, he is the boss

Answer 10

right, daddy needs to discipline her and mean it, perhaps have a front where if she doesnt play ball, he takes away her priveliges for a day. shes got a favourite toy right? use it as a weapon. in behaviour managment i mean. my son threw his toys accross the room and we had a system where every one he threw was taken away for a day. he soon stopped.
please support your partner, he is amazing for taking your daughter as his own, and i think you must have a fantastic relationship to come so far.
my son is 20months and is doing the same as your daughter, but its reverse roles - he does as dad says, but i get all the tantrums and if im holding him he thrashes and hits my face so i know how hard it can be sometimes.
if you need to talk more email me or i can give you my msn. hope that helps.